Wise Up
by devane
Summary: Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on
1. Chapter 1

**_"Wise Up" Derek/Addison end season 2_**

**Title:** Wise Up 1/?  
**Author:** **devane**  
**Rating:** T, I think  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are dealing or not dealing with each other and their marriage: end of season two, with my own spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd was tired. And not just in the physically tired from working non-stop for days at Seattle Grace sense. She was tired physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Not just tired, drained. That was a better word to sum her up. She was drained and she was sick. She was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Something had to give. Addison just didn't know what that something—or even someone—was.

She woke up at some ungodly hour of the morning—and really, most hours of the morning were ungodly—to the sound of her pager beeping beside her. Turning around in bed, she noticed her husband was sound asleep, curled up with his back facing her. That was the position she'd found him in most days. With his back to her. It was a small thing, but it was just one more thing that screamed "I'm shutting you out, Addison." That had started back in New York, before Mark, even.

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Addison picked up the phone from its cradle and answered the page. A minute later, she eased herself up from the bed and stood wavering on the ground. Snap out of it, Addison, she told herself as she swayed, the room spinning in front of her.

Oh God, she muttered under her breath as she ran into the tiny bathroom in the tiny trailer and heaved. She didn't have time for this. She didn't have time for getting sick. She had patients to tend to—one in particular who needed an emergency c-section—and after all, she was Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd and she was the best in her field so she would go to work, sick or not and do her best to ensure the lives of both mother and child.

Splashing cold water on her face, she looked at herself in the mirror. I look like hell. Addison gargled mouth wash, brushed her teeth, and applied the tiniest bit of makeup before picking up her rings and her watch on the nightstand. Derek was still soundly sleeping and when she leaned down to kiss him on the nape of his neck, he didn't stir so she left without a word to him.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd," one of those pesky interns was questioning her two hours later.

"What is it now, O'Malley?"

The minute she'd said it, Addison felt bad for how abrasive she sounded. O'Malley was a good kid, but sometimes he could be too much to deal with, especially on a day she felt like crap.

"It's just," he began quietly, look down at his hands, "you don't look so good…I mean, not that you don't look good, because you always do and Alex even said you're McHot, which I agree with…"

Now the boy was rambling! "McHot?" she questioned.

He nodded, not saying anything.

Scrunching up her nose, she peered at the nervous intern. "Karev…never mind, O'Malley. I neither have the time nor the energy to worry about whatever Mc-name you and your fellow interns come up with. It's not cute; it's cutesy; and there is a difference."

George felt, for what must have been the 1,000th time since beginning his internship at Seattle Grace Hospital, like an idiot.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd."

Sighing, Addison wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and then washed her hands at the sink they were standing next to.

"It's all right, O'Malley, I'm sure you didn't start the nicknames."

Shaking his head, George said, "No. That was Izzie and Mere. . ."

Rolling her eyes, Addison muttered "It figures" under her breath. And it did figure that Stevens and Grey started that McDreamy nonsense.

"Enough of that. Now would you care to explain what you meant about me not looking well?"

"It's just, I mean you're really pale and your face was green during the surgery and I thought, well, I thought you might pass out, and I know I probably shouldn't say anything because after all, you're the attending in charge of me, but if you're sick that's not good and I wondered if you needed anything, if I can help you…"

Addison couldn't help but inwardly smile. He really was a kind, sweet soul. "I'm not feeling the greatest, O—Dr. O'Malley. There's a bug that's been going around here; I probably caught it, that's all. But I'll be fine."

"You sure?" George asked her once more.

Stifling a yawn, Addison walked out of the room and down the hall with George nipping at her heels. "Yes, I'm sure. Thank you. I'll be fine."

She wasn't fine, but hopefully if she was allowed a good 20-minute power nap, along with something to eat that was more substantial than a granola bar, and a cup of Juju, she would be better. She couldn't afford to get sick. She had patients to tend to. They needed her expertise. It was nice to be needed by someone, even if it wasn't by her husband. Sighing, Addison hope that she didn't get worse, but she knew that even if she did, it wasn't like her husband would take care of her like in the early days of their marriage. No, her husband would just give her one those "Not _now_, Addison" lines that he was so generous doling out these days.

Derek was getting a bagel and cream cheese (not as good as New York bagels, but then again, most things weren't as good as in New York) when he overheard O'Malley talking to Stevens.

"The She-Shepherd is sick?" he heard Stevens question and his ears perked up the tiniest bit because that meant that they were talking about Addison.

O'Malley nodded. "I swear, at one point during the surgery, it looked like she was going to pass out."

Izzie's eyes widened. "Wow. Well, it's probably that bug that everyone has gotten."

"That's what Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd said."

"You know," George began, taking a sip of his coffee, "sometimes I feel sorry for her."

Izzie's eyes practically bugged out. "But _why_, George?" she whined. "We're talking about the _She_-Shepherd, you know, the Wicked Witch of the East, the one who stole McDreamy from Meredith. She's Satan; even her own husband calls her that."

Having heard enough gossip about his wife (and now probably Meredith and himself), Derek left and headed to his office.

"She's really not that bad, Izzie. Besides, she is his wife," George reminded his best friend.

Izzie had to give him that.

As he sat in his office eating his bagel, Derek wondered just how sick Addison truly was. He thought that he heard her retching in the bathroom this morning. Sure, he pretended to be asleep, but in reality he heard his wife's pager go off, he heard her sighing and getting out of bed, and he heard her in the bathroom. Even a few years ago, Derek would have run into the bathroom and held back her hair as she vomited. He would have gotten a warm washcloth to place on the nape of her neck, he would have washed her face for her, and if he thought she looked really bad, he would have insisted that she stay home—which would have led to an argument because Addison hated being sick and even more, she hated missing work, but he would win—and he would call the chief and then make sure she was okay. But now? Now Derek was feigning sleep to avoid his wife.

Derek wasn't an inherently cruel person. He didn't wish Addison ill—at least not physically. He hoped she was okay, but that was the extent. His feelings for Addison were complicated. Truth be told, he didn't know _how_ he felt about her anymore. Sure, she was still his wife, still Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd, but was it in name only? She thought they were getting somewhere, and he did tell her that he was "working on it" but in actuality, he wasn't working on it. It was hard. And Derek didn't like hard. He wanted easy. He wanted his life uncomplicated. He wanted it to be Seattle before Addison came dressed in Prada from head-to-toe to announce to everyone (well, really just Meredith) that she was Mrs. Derek Shepherd. Thinking farther back, he wanted it to be in New York before he caught his best friend of over thirty years in flagrante delicto with _his wife_.

But Derek couldn't erase the image out of his head, no matter how much Addison apologized or how many therapy sessions they attended. And he couldn't erase the feelings he had for Meredith Grey. He loved her, at least that's what he told Addison on Christmas. Had he really been that heartless that he told his wife on _their_ holiday that he was in love with another woman? The old Derek never would have done that. But this wasn't the old Derek. And yet, it wasn't the new Derek either.

Derek didn't know who he was, he didn't know who his wife was. He didn't know if he loved his wife anymore, if he even wanted in this marriage. Addison had given him divorce papers months ago, but he chose her and remained in their marriage, not putting forth much effort (and yes, he was a bastard who knew that but he wouldn't admit it to Addison), with lingering feelings for the young intern. So the question remained: why did he stay in the marriage? Was it really a sense of duty, of obligation? Or was there another reason? Somewhere inside him, did Derek still have deeper feelings for Addison?

As he was contemplating this, his beeper went off and he pushed those thoughts aside as he headed to an exam room. Addison will have to wait, he thought to himself.

_It's not  
What you thought  
When you first began it  
You got  
What you want  
Now you can hardly stand it though,  
By now you know  
It's not going to stop  
It's not going to stop  
It's not going to stop  
'Til you wise up_

--Wise Up by Aimee Mann


	2. Chapter 2

Addison didn't feel any better as the day progressed. If anything, she felt worse. She had the power nap, but didn't have time to eat anything substantial, so that didn't help matters. In between surgeries, she rushed to the ladies' room and got sick, even though there was nothing in her stomach to release. She felt horrible and she knew she looked horrible.

Sickness aside, Addison was still wondering about her husband and his mistress—former?—arguing at the vet's and then in the elevator the other morning. She didn't want to brood over it, but it was unnerving the way they were acting. Like they were having a lover's quarrel. Of course when she had tried to ask him about it, he brushed her away, saying _"Not now, Addison."_ She really hated that phrase. And the way he said it, his tone was so condescending. _Not now_. Dismissive. Hell, she even hated the way "Addison" rolled off his tongue. So resentful. Usually attached with a sigh. (If she was lucky; sometimes she got the sigh and the eye-roll.) _"We'll talk later, Addison"_ was another good one. Liar. He never wanted to talk to her. Certainly not about Meredith and definitely not about _them_ and their relationship. If they even had one anymore. Sometimes, Addison honestly didn't know if they did.

It certainly felt one-sided much of the time. Derek hadn't once asked her how she felt the past couple of days and she knew he knew she wasn't feeling well. He didn't ask her how she felt; he didn't ask her how work was going. Addison couldn't remember the last time Derek had inquired about one of her cases and shown a genuine interest in it. When was the last time he watched from the galley when she performed a surgery? She didn't think she'd seen him do it once in Seattle. Yet she still watched him, supported him. Took an interest in his cases and his patients, in him. Hell, he didn't seem phased with the lawsuit looming over her head, the one that came courtesy of Karev. At least the Chief asked her about it and was on her side, supporting her. But her own husband? He couldn't be bothered. Just like he couldn't be bothered to tell her he loved her. When was the last time he'd said those words to her? Addison didn't recall, it had to have been sometime in New York, well before the (as she called it in her head, because it was easier that way) _Mark incident_. Nearly a year. Many would ask her why she was still in this "relationship" that wasn't quite a relationship, when her partner, her _husband_ couldn't say that he loved her, yet he could admit love for his 12-year-old intern.

Shuddering, Addison wondered if perhaps Mark was right. Perhaps there was nothing salvageable about her marriage. And that prospect, that truly frightened her, to think that she failed at something so important. Addison hated to fail at things; she'd never failed a test or a class, but this? Her marriage was more important than that. Yes, she'd done something awful, but hadn't he repaid her in full? He had his fling with his YOUNG lusty intern. She was living in a fucking trailer in the middle of nowhere! Didn't that count for anything? Didn't the fact that she picked up her entire life and moved to Seattle where it rained non-stop and smelled like fish (and the thought of fish made her want to puke again) mean anything? She gave up so much. Her practice. Which she had worked damn hard for. Her co-workers who respected her. Who didn't judge her like the interns, hell like everyone, judged her here because she was the evil adulteress who stole McDreamy from Grey. Her friends, chief among them, Savvy and Weiss. And Savvy probably needed her right now, more than ever and yet Addison was thousands of miles away from her. What friends did she have in Seattle? There was the Chief—Richard—and Adele, of course, but it wasn't quite the same. Besides, they were going through their own marital turmoil. She got along with Preston, but he wasn't Weiss. Addison supposed she could count Miranda Bailey as a friend, what with everything they'd been through together. But Bailey wasn't Savvy. Her family, she left them behind. Her beloved father, her extended family, her in-laws, all in New York and the tri-state area. She missed them so much. Especially Mama Shepherd and the girls who were as much her sisters as Derek's. Oh, they hated what she had done (and with whom), but they didn't hate her and they still treated her like family. They called her on her birthday, sent her Christmas cards. In Seattle, the only family Addison had was Derek. And he wasn't acting very familial to her lately.

But Derek didn't seem to notice or if he did, he didn't care. So why didn't he just sign those damn papers when she'd given them to him, months ago?

And hell, she had given up a man who did love her, or so Mark claimed but one was never sure with him. He seemed sincere about it, and he probably did, or at least he probably thought he did, because really, what kind of man would sleep with his best friend's wife if there wasn't something there (and Addison wasn't in the mood to contemplate about what kind of woman would sleep with her husband's best friend at the moment)? But he cheated on her. Which was fitting, the cheater is cheated on by the guy she cheated with. Her life was a fucking soap opera.

This was all running in her head when she ran into said 12-year-old intern in an on-call room and Addison couldn't help but blurt out the question that had been on her mind for days but one whose answer she was afraid of: are you sleeping with my husband?

The intern blinked in surprise—it was what she did best—and sputtered out that of course she wasn't sleeping with him, not anymore, not since she found out that he was married, and for good measure, she added that she was seeing (sleeping with?) the vet. Surprised, Addison accepted that and left, but she was still left with questions. So Grey and the Vet (and Addison bet that she had some cutesy Mc name for him, like McVet or McCutie) were dating? That made things clearer in some respects, particularly the looks Derek had given Dandridge the other morning when they were there to talk about Doc. He was jealous. Derek was jealous of the vet, because he was undoubtedly sleeping with the intern, which Derek wanted to be doing. Addison was sickened by that truth.

And Addison was equally confused by the juxtaposition of that Derek, the cold, aloof, adulterer Derek with another Derek. With Derek not signing those divorce papers. With Derek giving her one of those smiles that used to make her heart flutter (and if she were being honest, still did). She wouldn't call it his "McDreamy" smile because he was never McDreamy to her. He was simply Derek, the love of her life. Or when he brought her Juju before a risky procedure. Only he understood what Juju was. Or the way he acted when she had that damn rash—sure he'd laughed and teased her about it for weeks, but he was also caring towards her and he made sure it was taken care of and he wasn't afraid to be intimate with her because of it, in fact he seemed friskier afterwards. More recently, he came home from work on a hellish day and he looked at her with lust, something he hadn't in a while and he told her he wanted to have hot shower sex with her and they did, over and over that night and the next morning and oh god it was good and they were still _right_ together, in that sense, they still _fit_ and they were still _Derek and Addison_. He told her he was "working on it." He admitted that he was partly to blame for the state of their marriage. All wasn't lost, so why was she a jumbled mess where they were concerned?

Derek had done his best to avoid his wife that day. It was nothing new, avoiding her had become something he was quite adept at, hell if he was being honest, he gained that skill in New York. He'd seen her in the halls on occasion and he saw how worn-down she was. She looked terrible. Exhausted, sick, completely miserable. But she didn't say anything to him and he didn't say anything to her. He was being a complete asshole where Addison was concerned and he didn't quite know how it happened or how to stop it. How long could he keep up this treatment of her before she gave in? Was that what he was doing—testing her? To see if she'd stick it out with him or run off home to New York and to Mark? Did he want her to do that? Set him free? Free of the marriage, of the adultery, of the pain and betrayal, free to be with Meredith Grey? Or did he really want to see how much she loved him and was willing to put up with, to fight for their marriage? In a way, he had to admire her tenacity. Since she first showed up in the hospital to announce the arrival of Dr. Derek Shepherd's wife, Derek had been awful to her.

And yet, for whatever reason, she stayed. At first he thought it was out of guilt, but the longer she stayed and put up with him, the more he knew it wasn't just guilt. She gave him those divorce papers months ago, she was ready to cut him free so he could go to his intern, but he wasn't ready to give her up. _Addison's family_, he'd told Meredith. While that was true, he certainly hadn't treated her like one treats family. His mother…she would be so ashamed of him, if she knew how he was acting. She would tell him that she and his father did not raise their son to be such a coward, such a heartless man to his wife. They didn't raise him to ignore his wife, to take her for granted. And yet he had. As much as his mother was upset with what Addison and Mark had done, she told him on more than one occasion that he'd played a part in this as well. "It takes two to make or break a marriage, Derek. You're not exactly innocent." She was right. Nancy? His sister whom he was closest to would smack him if she were there and knew how he was treating her favorite (and only) sister-in-law. Addison may not have been a Shepherd by blood, but that didn't matter to his mother or his sisters. They all loved Addison and treated her like one of their own. His nephews and nieces adored her. Hell, she'd delivered several of them. That alone was enough to give her a lifetime invite to the Shepherd family Thanksgiving. But Derek ignored the nagging voices of his mother and sisters that invaded his head from time-to-time. He hadn't kept in touch with them very much these past months.

So Derek established that he was a shitty husband, son, and brother. That acknowledgment didn't exactly change matters. He didn't know what would. Would there be a breaking point where Addison finally said "enough is enough, Derek I quit"? Or would she keep trying? Would he let her? When Mark had come to check up on things, Derek had been so sure that his ex-best friend was there to take his wife back home. After all, Mark had a lot to offer Addison: home, friends, family, her old job, her co-workers, and finally himself. Yes, Mark Sloan claimed to be in love with his wife. When in the hell had _that_ happened and how the hell hadn't Derek recognized the signs from his best friend? So Mark loved Addison, he probably told her that Derek didn't, their marriage wouldn't survive, so come to New York with me. Derek never asked and Addison never supplied, but he was certain that Mark had asked her to return back to New York with him. And yet, she didn't. She stayed behind in Seattle, where she had no family, few friends, co-workers who gossiped about her, and a husband who couldn't tell her he loved her.

Wasn't that proof of her love for him? To turn down everything—and everyone—that New York had to offer? And that being the case, shouldn't he as her husband be grateful?

Running his hands through his thick, jet-black hair, Derek didn't have any answers. Not for himself, not for Addison, and not for Meredith. Meredith who was sleeping with the vet, of all people! She really had some nerve. First she sleeps with George—O'Malley—her best friend who carried a torch for her, and then she moves on to Doc's vet. There was something seriously wrong with that behavior.

_You're sure there's a cure  
And you have finally found it  
You think one drink  
will shrink you 'til  
you're underground and living down  
But it's not going to stop  
It's not going to stop  
It's not going to stop  
'Til you wise up_


	3. Chapter 3

_**"Wise Up" 3/?  
**_**Author's Note**: Most of this came to me while I was at the laundromat, lol. Oh yeah, I've also changed the summary, hopefully this one is a bit better. Thanks for reading and thanks for your support, enjoy!

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 3  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes.

**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infrigement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

Derek Shepherd was beyond tired as he drove home that evening. Even though he didn't get into the hospital until a few hours after Addison had, he'd stayed late and just had a very exhaustive day. Anything and everything that could go wrong had gone wrong that day. Worst of all, he'd lost a patient on the table.

Pulling his Range Rover into the driveway, Derek saw Addison's silver Mercedes parked to the side of the trailer. It amazed him how she refused to give up the car and get something more practical for driving in the woods, but when he'd mentioned it to her, she just rolled her eyes and made comments about how impractical it was for a neurosurgeon who made millions a year to be living in a tiny trailer that housed an even tinier bathroom (not to mention no shoe space).

Shaking his head, Derek turned off the ignition, but remained seated in the car. He wasn't ready to go in yet and face Addison. They hadn't exchanged one word that day. Not even their typical pleasantries. No pecks on the cheek or forehead, no "Dr. Shepherd/Dr. Shepherd exchanges" nothing. Of course Derek had been the one to avoid his wife, so he figured he would sit and stew in the car for just a while longer.

Closing his eyes, Derek thought of the patient lost on the table. Even though the procedure had been a very difficult, risky, and delicate one, Derek still thought that he should have done something to save the man. After all, he was Derek Shepherd, top-notch in his field, a man people paid big bucks to be treated by. People expected him to perform miracles all the time and often he did, but he was, after all, a mere mortal. So on occasion, he lost patients.

Although losing a patient was never easy, Derek was usually accepting of the fact that losses were inevitable, it came with the territory as a doctor. Everyone couldn't be saved. He treated his patients with a level of care and concern, but unlike Addison, he was better at putting a measure of distance between himself and his patient. Addison had always cared. They weren't just patients to her. They were people. With names and faces and hopes and dreams. Her concern for her patients was part of what made her so good at her job, but it was also something that had the potential to twist her inside and out, especially when it involved the life of the tiniest of patients. Derek could still remember the first time Addison had lost a baby. She'd been completely devastated.

Derek had been in the OR with her, and he'd witnessed exactly how hard she fought to save the baby, but there was no miracle granted to Addison that day. No miracle for the child's parent or the child. The baby—a girl—had coded on the table after a battle and Addison had tried for far longer than anyone else would have, to revive her. Derek had watched the horrified look on his then-girlfriend's face when their chief resident, Richard Webber, told her to stop her efforts and call the time of death for the infant. Stuttering, Addison did as Richard instructed and then wordlessly walked to the scrub room where she threw out her gloves and then washed the blood off her hands. He noticed her hands shaking as she soaped them. Derek had followed her in, but hadn't said a word to her. She went to the ladies' room next, which Derek could not follow after her and Richard wanted to talk to him about another case, so the next time he'd seen Addison was in the locker room.

Addison was sitting on a bench with her back against a row of lockers, her face held in her hands as she tried to muffle her sobs, but at that point, it was to no avail. The pain needed to be released. As the sounds of her sobs rose, Derek's chest constricted tighter. He hated seeing this woman like this. This woman who was _everything_ to him. She was his best friend (and yeah, he had Mark but that was different, Mark was his _brother_ and he was a _guy_). She was his girlfriend, his lover. She was the woman he was hoping would say 'yes' when he proposed to her in the very near future (he already picked out the ring and it was hidden in a box in his closet for safe-keeping), and she was the woman he wanted to be the future mother of his children (and they would have beautiful children because they were _Derek and Addison_.). All his hopes and dreams were wrapped up in that one woman. Addison Forbes Montgomery. One of the strongest women he knew (the others being his mom and four sisters), and to see her so vulnerable like that, killed a piece of Derek's soul.

The tears kept falling. "Oh Addison," he had whispered softly, moving to sit behind her so he could wrap his arms around her slender waist.

At the movement, Addison looked up and Derek gave a distressed sigh at the sight of her read, tear-stained face and her bloodshot eyes.

"Derek?" she softly questioned.

"I'm here, Addie."

She nodded and he placed a kiss on the nape of her neck.

"Derek, I really should have…"

"Shh, you don't need to say anything, baby."

When Addison tensed at the word 'baby,' Derek wanted to smack himself for not thinking.

Addison hung her head down and dejectedly said, "It's all my fault. All. My. Fault. I should have saved her."

Raising an eyebrow, Derek shook his head and told her that it was not her fault, that there was nothing she could have done. She had tried her best to save the patient.

"Allison," was the warbled reply.

"What?" Derek asked, confused.

"Her name. It was Allison. She wasn't just a _patient_, Derek. She was an innocent little baby. She was the child of parents who wanted her very much and loved her even more. She had a name. Allison."

"Addison, I—" Derek began, but he quickly shut his mouth, realizing that there were no words of comfort for Addison at the moment. So he did the only thing he could think of. Alternating between rubbing her back and brushing her hair, he kept his hold tightly on her while she cried, until no more tears would come. The only words he'd uttered the entire time they were there were "I love you, Addison."

Eventually, Addison squeezed the hand that had been placed on her shoulder and then she stood up, composed herself, and walked hand-in-hand with her boyfriend to his car.

That night when they got to the apartment Addison shared with her best friend Savvy, Derek carried her into her bedroom (grateful that Sav was at Weiss' for the night), gently placed her on her queen-sized bed, and lovingly undressed her and put her in her nightgown. When Addison looked at him with those eyes of hers that had the ability to do many a thing to him, Derek asked her if she was sure and when she nodded, he took her in his arms and they made love. Their lovemaking was slow and gentle, Derek taking great care to make sure that Addison's needs were met, and when it was over, he held her as she exhaled, spent from the emotions of the day.

"I love you Derek," she whispered before clenching onto his shoulder.

"Shh, I know, Addison."

They hadn't talked about the incident since it happened. The next time Addison lost a patient, Derek wasn't there. Then Richard had "tested" her with that one case, because he'd seen how Addison had become so attached to her patients, and he didn't want to lose such a gifted (the most gifted student he'd come upon) doctor. Addison had been furious once she'd discovered what her beloved mentor had put her through and though Derek had been the supporting fiancée (they were engaged by that point), he was secretly glad it had happened, because he too worried about how much she could take when it came to losing babies.

Shaking his head of those memories, Derek finally decided to leave his car. He trudged slowly to the door and put his key in, unlocking it. When he got inside, he saw the light on in the bedroom and noted that Addison was in bed, reading a medical journal. Her dedication to her work was something that attracted Derek to her in the first place. Picking a beer out of the fridge, he drank it and then sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at the floor. Addison didn't look up at him until he moved, jerking them. "Derek, please," she said, her voice drained. Derek turned over and noticed that she was holding her stomach, looking queasy. And she also looked pale. Sighing, Derek realized she must still be sick. "Sorry," he said, and he stood up this time, taking his shoes off.

He saw her watching him and though she was sick, he thought that she looked beautiful in bed, no makeup, just reading her journal with her glasses on. He always thought she looked sexy in her glasses. He didn't say that though. He just undressed and wordlessly climbed in bed, turning his back from her.

Addison bit her lower lip, upset that not once had Derek asked her how she felt, not once had he asked how her day was, not once had he said more than a handful of words to her. And now here they were, another night, another back turned. Catching the sob in her throat, Addison hiccupped and then placed her book on the nightstand. She was about to turn the light off when suddenly Derek turned to face her. His expression was unreadable.

After a minute of staring at her, of soaking her in, Derek finally found his voice. "Do you ever think about Allison?"

Blinking, Addison couldn't believe he was bringing this up. "Allison," she said softly, her voice sounding the way it had years earlier.

"Yeah" was his reply.

"You, you remember?" Addison was disbelieving.

Her husband nodded. "I remember her, Addison. I remember the surgery and everything afterwards." His voice was low and Addison stared at him in shock. After not speaking to her all day, when he finally does it's to bring up such a painful memory.

"Why are you bringing this up, Derek? Are you trying to use her memory to hurt—"

Derek didn't let her finish, "No! Of course not!" He was firm and a bit taken back that she thought he was trying to use her—their—past to hurt her like that.

"Then why are you bringing her up?"

Shrugging, Derek told her that he'd lost a patient that day and it got him thinking.

"Oh. I'm sorry you lost the patient. Losing Allison was difficult."

"She was the first baby you lost," Derek said.

"Yeah." Swallowing, Addison said, "I never told you.."

"Told me what?"

"Why it was so important to say her name, Allison. She was named after me."

Derek stared at her. "I didn't know that."

"I know. I just, after that day I didn't want to think about it again. But after I'd delivered her, her mother told me that she wanted to name her baby after the woman who saved her. She was originally going to name her daughter Alana, after her husband Alan, but then she decided that she wanted to honor us both so their daughter would have Al for her father and the rest for Addison. Allison."

Derek reached out and he placed a hand on hers. "I wish I had known," he told her with all sincerity.

"You know now," she whispered.

Nodding, Derek scooted closer to his wife and pulled her against his chest. Surprised at his touching move, Addison softly cried and Derek held her against him as he had many years earlier. She only cried for about a minute, but he kissed her forehead after and continued to hold her. It was the first time in a long time that he didn't have his back to her, and Addison felt more than a glimmer of hope inside her for them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** I apologize for the long delay between chapters! I hadn't anticipated in it taking so long to write, but I've had a lot going on and have had difficulty finding the time to properly spend on writing this one. Sorry! But now this is (finally) written and I can take the time to catch up on my reading/responding of other fics. Thanks to everone who responded! I am so glad you are enjoying it! In this chapter, there is no (direct) Addek interaction, but a few other characters are brought out to play. I hope I did them justice, let me know! This chapter is dedicated to my friend Christa. P.S. Wasn't it nice having some Addeky moments during the last show?

**goldentail** _This is so the height of Derek being Mcbastard...a good looking mcbastard...poor addie.—_Ha, he was definitely a McBastard in much of season 2 in my book. Good-looking but an a none the less!

**Brenda Osler**_So, I'm worried about poor Addison and I hate... hate hate hate Derek (but then again, I've always hated him since he treat women like crap) but I'm interested on seeing where you are going. Keep going_—I'm worried about poor Addison too. She's actually trying here. I hope you'll continue to read despite Derek's crap!

**Nala **_Poor Addison. I hope Derek comes to terms soon - stupid man! Keep on updating, I really like your story!—_He is one stupid man and yet he's a neurosurgeon! Go figure, lol. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

**loves2writestories**_This story is developing very nicely, and I think it's great. I can't wait to read more._—Glad you like how it's developing. I was worried that it was too slow due to the lack of initial Addek interaction/dialogue.

_  
_**CCke** _Already read this over on lj, but just wanted to let you know that I'm loving the story. There really isn't enough addek out there nowadays, lol. Update soon :)—Thanks for reading and replying both places, lol! I agree, there is definitely not enough Addek out there.  
_

**Mony19**_Sad chapter but great nonetheless. it's sad that the parents named the child after her and they lost her. ud soon_—It was a sad chapter. Poor Addison. I'd imagine that a number of patients named their children after a doctor who has saved their (and their baby's) life.

**Ciaobella06** _aw keep writing. i cant wait to see where this goes!!—_I finally wrote again, heh. Hope you like where it went!

**Richiey **_Damn Devane! This story rocks. I adore Addie, I think she's awesome; McNightmare on the other hand is a differnt story altogether. But at the end of the 3rd chapter I was beginning to change my thinking. I look forward to reading more of this great story_—Wow, thank you! Isn't Addie the best? She's been through the wringer though. McNightmare, ha-ha I like that one! Hope you like this chapter.

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 4  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

A few nights earlier, Addison had felt her hope for her relationship with her husband, renewed. He reached out to her. He offered her comfort. He held her. For the first time in a long time, Derek took some initiative where Addison was concerned. It felt wonderful. She couldn't believe that he'd brought up Allison and their past. It was something that hadn't been spoken of in a decade and a half. She felt that she and her husband connected on a level they hadn't in a long time. That night, for the first time since she came to Seattle, Addison slept peacefully curled up against Derek.

This wonderful feeling, however, did not last. Instead, the next day Derek once again grew distant, talking to her about nothing more than pleasantries, kissing her on the cheek or forehead—never a real kiss—and while that was better than silence, it wasn't much better.

When it came to her health though, Derek finally took an interest. Addison still wasn't feeling well and Derek actually seemed concerned for his wife for a moment or two and advised her to get a check-up. But Addison's PCP (primary care physician) was in New York and she didn't really know the local internists—other than those at the hospital—so she shrugged it off and worked through it.

For the most part, Karev was under her watch at work. Addison had meant it when she had informed him that "your ass is mine," and after explaining the situation to Bailey, Bailey told her that Karev was all hers, though he did have to continue to go on his rounds and on occasion would need to observe other surgeons to fulfill the obligations of his internship. Miranda was on Addison's side and had told her friend to treat Karev the way a good Nazi (in the Miranda Bailey sense of the term) would. That comment brought a genuine laugh from the redhead, and for that, Addison was grateful.

Karev seemed to be a competent doctor, but his bedside manner was severely lacking. Not to mention that he was an arrogant smart-ass, who, in many ways, reminded Addison of a younger Mark Sloan. Mark was always a cocky bastard, but deep down, Addison knew it was a front. Mark could be soft and sweet if he chose to be (and not just in bed). He'd been a good friend to Derek and to her—except for the whole sleeping with his best friend's wife but then again, she'd participated (willingly). While his arrogance could often be annoying, Mark did have reason to be confident—his skills as a plastic surgeon were unparalleled (at least on the east coast), and his skills as a lover…well let's just say during their two-month "relationship," Addison had no complaints in the bedroom. Addison didn't know if Karev had it in him to be another Mark Sloan. Be the best in his field with a great bedside manner. Karev was young; he had a lot to learn.

Truthfully, Addison hoped that Karev would do what Izzie Stevens hadn't been able to when she was under her tutelage—stick around and suck it up. So much potential wasted…

At the moment, O'Malley was once again in her service. She liked the guy, for the most part. Sure, he was known to stutter and he lacked the confidence that Karev had, but he was a sweet man who happened to be a very capable doctor. His smarts and his kind nature would get him far. As for confidence, he would gain it in due time. She had been surprised (pleasantly) when he stepped up to the plate in the elevator and removed a bullet from a patient's chest. One thing that had annoyed her about O'Malley was his puppy-dog worship/following of Meredith Grey, but he seemed to be somewhat over it, after the disastrous sex (and who hadn't heard about that in that hospital?) and after he began seeing ortho Callie Torres. She didn't personally know Torres, but what she'd seen of her and heard, she was, as an old friend of hers would say "good people." If O'Malley stuck around her and his friend Preston Burke, there was hope for him.

Standing across from a patient, Addison looked at O'Malley to giver her stats.

"Brenda Dickens. Twenty-six years old. She's in her twenty-eighth week of pregnancy. Showing signs of preeclampsia," he said.

"And what is preeclampsia"? His attending wondered.

"A condition also known as toxemia marked by water retention, hypertension, and protein in the urine.

Nodding, she pushed back her glasses as she looked over the charts. "Very good, O'Malley. Okay, Brenda, how are you feeling?"

Brenda shrugged. "Okay, right now. Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" she asked nervously.

"Yes, Brenda?"

"Is my, is my baby going to make it?"

"That's what we're aiming for."

After talking with the patient for a little while, George and Addison left to check on another patient. As she started to walk down the hall, Addison was suddenly hit with a sharp pain in her left side. "Ow," she muttered softly, holding her side.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" George asked in concern. He moved next to her and asked her if she was all right.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "It's just a hunger pain, I haven't eaten…"

"Are you sure?" George was disbelieving, he'd seen her look ill for some time now and now she had a pain and looked really pale. He was really concerned for her.

Biting on the inside of her lower lip, Addison nodded. "Yeah, I just need something to eat," she said, putting her hand on the wall for support.

"Why don't you go to your office and sit down for a bit? I'll get you something to eat."

"You don't have to do that, O'Malley."

"I want to."

"But the patients…"

George hesitated. He didn't want to tell Addison what to do, but he was worried she might pass out or something and that wouldn't be good for her patients. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, we can continue rounds after you eat a bit and have something to drink," he told her reasonably.

Addison gave him a small smile. "Thank you O'—George. Thank you." She walked to her office, closed the door behind her, and sat at her desk. The pain hit her again and Addison gasped at the intensity. Suddenly getting scared, she let out a small sob, saying "What is wrong with me?"

By the time O'Malley returned with some food and something to drink, Addison had composed herself. The pain had subsided, much to her relief, and after eating, she began to think it really was hunger-related. O'Malley had hovered over her, which on the one hand was really making her feel unnerved and self-conscious, but on the other she was touched that he was worried about her. Hell, that intern showed her more concern than her husband of nearly 12 years had. Once he'd watched that she had eaten the food he brought and had something to drink, George felt better and they continued their rounds. A few hours later, he joined his girlfriend (and wow, how awesome was it to say the word _girlfriend_ again—after and the whole Olivia/ Syph Boy thing, not to mention the Meredith fiasco, George had resigned himself to being single for some time) for lunch and a shortly after they sat down to their meals, Preston Burke joined them.

Cristina Yang rolled her eyes when she heard Burke and George laughing at something Torres said. Cristina didn't care one way or another for Callie, but she was annoyed at the fact that Burke seemed to really get along with her, and further annoyed that he was often inviting George and Callie over to _their_ place to eat and play charades or some other game. Cristina had finally gotten Bambi out of there and now he was over nearly as often as he was when he was living on the couch! She was going to spend some time with him during lunch today but of course Bambi and Torres were there! In protest, Cristina decided to have lunch with her fellow interns, even though it meant having to be in the presence of Evil Spawn, and listening to Izzie prattling on about that patient, Denny Duquette. At least Mere seemed fairly angst-free, which was something new for her best friend. Maybe McVet was the right thing for her.

While biting her chicken sandwich, Cristina looked back at the table and wondered what Bambi was talking about that had Burke glued.

"Something's wrong with Addison?" Burke asked George.

George nodded, looking at his friend. "Yes, she says there isn't anything, but I know, I mean, I suspect, I mean…"

Callie shook her head. "George, it's okay. Is there anything you want us to do?"

George sighed. "I don't know. I mean, she doesn't really know you, Callie, though I'm sure she'd like you because you're likable," he started (to which Callie gave a grin), "but I don't want to overstep my bounds as her intern. She's an attending."

"Well, I'm an attending, and I consider Addison a friend. So I can talk to her," offered Burke.

"Really, you'd do that?"

Nodding, he said, "Of course."

"I hope she's okay," Callie said.

"Me too."

"You know," began Callie, "you'd think that her being a renowned doctor and her husband a neurosurgeon she wouldn't take her health lightly, but sometimes doctors make the worst patients."

Burke agreed with her.

"Besides, McDreamy or whatever your little friends like to call him, doesn't seem the attentive type when it comes to his wife. That has to suck," mused Callie.

"Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, I don't know anything about their marriage, beyond the gossip. But no matter what, her health should not be neglected."

With that, Burke stood up and Callie was on his heels. He gave her a surprised look and she said that maybe Addison would feel better with a female. Burke shrugged and they walked away, much to the chagrin of Cristina.

"What's that about?" wondered Izzie.

"Hey O'Malley. Syph Boy!" Alex called out as George walked over to them.

"What?" George asked, glaring.

"Where are Burke and Torres going? They're not having a little fling, are they?"

Cristina glared at Alex too. "Shut up, Evil Spawn."

George didn't say anything and Izzie and Meredith had puzzled looks on their faces. "Bambi?"

Sighing, George said "They're going to talk to Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Addison?" squeaked Meredith.

"Why is Burke going to talk to Satan? Shouldn't Evil Spawn?"

George rolled his eyes. Sometimes his friends were so dramatic. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd…Burke considers her a friend, Cristina. I know you don't like her because of Meredith, but he does."

Cristina was about to retort when Meredith sighed and said, "Can we go one meal without discussing either Dr. Shepherd? I mean, _seriously_."

Callie decided to wait outside of Addison's office. If Burke couldn't get through with her, she would step in, but she didn't want to make the redhead uncomfortable, especially with a stranger hovering over her.

"Knock-knock," called out Burke.

"Preston?" Addison asked, looking up from her newspaper. "Come in," she told him.

"Addison, it's good to see you." He flashed his perfectly white smile.

"You too, Preston," she said with a puzzled look on her face. "Is there something wrong?"

He shrugged. "You tell me. George told me that you've been ill a lot recently and that today you almost keeled over. What's wrong with you?"

Addison looked up at the ceiling in her spacious office. "Nothing. I'm fine. It was just a hunger pain, Preston. Nothing to worry about."

"Addison," warned her friend. "This is me. Something is wrong with you; now why don't you get yourself checked out?"

"Because, because it's nothing. I'm fine. You know, I'm a doctor too," she reminded him. "I have the badge and everything."

"Don't you trust me?"

She looked at him in the eyes. "Of course I do."

"Well I know Shepherd's not taking care of you, so somebody needs to—"

Cutting him off, Addison supplied, "So you decided to step in?"

"Yes" was his answer.

"I appreciate your concern, really I do, but I promise I'll be f—" and then at that moment, Addison suddenly felt bile threaten to come up in her throat and her eyes grew wide.

"Excuse me," she hastily told her friend and ran out of the room.

"Addison!" Preston called out as she ran into the ladies' room. He looked helplessly at Callie who decided to follow Addison and see if she could help.

_I'm going to help her even if she refuses_, Callie muttered to herself as she stood outside of the stall Addison holed herself in, listening to her vomiting.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd? Are you okay?"

"Oh God," moaned Addison, which raised Callie's concern.

"Dr. Shepherd, Addison…"

"Who are you?"

"Callie. Dr. Callie Torres."

"What are you doing in here, Dr. Torres?" Addison asked as she flushed the toilet.

"I'm checking to see if you're all right, but obviously you're not."

"What do you mean?" Addison came out of the stall and washed her hands and her face.

"You're sick. George told us."

"That's what Preston said, except that I didn't know he told you."

"I'm his girlfriend" was all Callie offered. She handed Addison a paper towel to dry off, to which Addison thanked her.

"Seriously, you need to see a doctor."

Addison shook her head. "I am a doctor." She looked at herself in the mirror and sighed before straightening her skirt.

Callie stared at her. "Yes you are and so am I and that means nothing. Unless you've self-diagnosed but hunger pains is not going to explain you throwing up or being pale or getting sharp pains or nearly keeling over—" she rattled.

"No," Addison said quietly. "But being pregnant would."


	5. Chapter 5

_**"Wise Up" 5/?  
**_**Author's Note:** Well, this time it didn't take me nearly four weeks to write a new update! In fact I think it's the least amount of time between chapters, so I'm happy about that myself. This one was started (once again) while at the laundromat on Wednesday night. Yay for laundromat writing! LOL I wrote more of it Friday night and then finished it a little while ago. If you've noticed a pattern of my posting in the wee hours it's because I get spurts of creativity late at night/early morning and on a more practical level, I share the computer with two other people and always get it last. As I was driving to my friends' house tonight I heard "Wise Up" play on the radio and I knew I had to finish the chapter! Okay, sorry for rambling here. Thanks to all the readers and reviewers. You make it fun.

Richiey—_It's kinda hard not to despise Derek right now, isn't it? And he's pretty horrid on the show too so I'm not even giving us a break in fic. Well, he did tell her she should see a doctor, but yeah that was it. Addie does deserve better but she still loves McAsshole. sigh_

AddisonMD—_Wow, I'm surprised that I caught you off-guard with the pregnancy! I thought I had made it so obvious, lol. Derek's reaction will come in a few chapters, I hope he's good to her as well; we'll see!_

esnad—_Yay, I love them too! I love Addison babies period, but have a special fondness for FHBs, lol. Hope you enjoy the update._

WeAreAddisonAandDerek—_Thank you for reading. Hope you like chapter five!_

Ally612—_Thanks! I know, that really disappointed me too when we found out she was barren. I mean seriously, what that woman has gone through is too much. ___

Iheartaddi—_Well she thinks she might be! I hope it will bring them together—eventually._

elevatorGod—_blushes Thank you! I'm honestly happy that I surprised some of you with the ending._

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 5  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infrigement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

"You're pregnant?" Callie asked her eyes wide in surprise.

"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know. I just don't know," admitted Addison, which received a curious look from the other surgeon.

Sighing, Addison looked at herself in the mirror. _I look like crap_, she thought. "Yeah, I know. I'm an obstetrician for Pete's sake! This is my field. And I'm one of the best in it." She added that because it wasn't showing off—it was simply stating fact.

"Well yeah," began Callie.

Addison wished she had her purse with her so she could apply some makeup and start to look better, even if she didn't feel it, but it was in her office. Running a perfectly manicured hand through her hair, she said, "You're probably thinking that I'm not very competent if I can't even diagnose a pregnancy for myself. I mean, the signs are there, well some of them. And it would explain certain things, but…" her voice trailed off.

Callie moved so she was standing opposite Addison at the sink. "Why haven't you taken a blood test or one of those home pregnancy tests?" she prodded.

"Because. Because even though the signs are there, I've pretty much ignored them or dismissed them. I didn't even put two and two together until just a little while ago. And if I bought one of those home pregnancy tests, Derek would undoubtedly find it because God knows the trailer is tiny and there's a complete lack of privacy, and I'm just, I'm just not ready for him to know that there's a possibility that I might be," she rationalized, causing Callie to raise a brow. "And I don't exactly have an OB-GYN here, hell I don't even have a PCP. Who am I going to go to? I'd ask Miranda, but those interns keep her hands full and the last thing I need is one of them inadvertently finding out that Satan is pregnant with her Evil Spawn."

At that, Callie busts out laughing, to the dismay of Addison, who thought she was confiding in her. Addison tensed up and turned away from the ortho. Feeling bad, Callie apologized, "I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd—or would you rather Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd—anyway, I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you. Honestly."

"Could've fooled me," muttered the annoyed redhead.

Shaking her head, the other doctor decided to fill her in on her amusement. "It's just that Alex—Alex Karev—that's what they—the other interns—call him. Evil Spawn. Particularly Cristina Yang. So when you say Satan's pregnant with an evil spawn…" her voice trailed off.

Addison was horrified at the idea of someone connecting her and Karev that way. "Good Lord," she said aloud. "Alex Karev? How could anyone think, I mean why would I sleep with Alex Karev? He's not bad on the eyes, I'll give him that, but he's an adolescent, a junior version of Mark Sloan and Senior was enough trouble. Alex Karev, ha!"  
"Mark Sloan? You mean Doctor McSteamy?"

"McWHAT?!" asked a bug-eyed Addison.

"McSteamy. That's what they call Sloan, McSteamy."

Addison rolled her eyes and turned to face Callie. "The interns? Wow, they really need to get lives if all they do is stand around, coming up with the Mc Name of the Week."

"I know!" agreed Callie. "It's so…junior high. Sometimes they really annoy me and I wish that George was a part of a different intern group, because _seriously_."

"Sorry. I have my own issues with that group of interns. Well, your intern is safe, as is Yang. She has her issues, but I can't say that I have any with her. And considering that Yang is Grey's best friend, I'm lucky that she's not given me problems."

Callie laughed and then suggested that they move this conversation back to Addison's office so that those interns or anyone else who decided to use that particular ladies' room wouldn't overhear anything they shouldn't. Addison agreed, because that was the last thing she wanted and although she didn't know Callie, she found her easy to talk to. It was a relief to have someone in this forsaken city to confide in.

When Addison walked out, she found O'Malley and Preston standing across from the restroom, matching arms folded against chests, eyes furrowed with concern, they were deep in discussion, likely about her. George started to approach her and Preston asked, "Addison, are you okay?"

She was touched by his concern, and by George's. "No," she finally admitted. "I'm not, but I will be," she added.

Preston nodded, but George wasn't satisfied. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, are you sure, I mean…"

Interrupting him, his girlfriend said, "She'll be okay, George." Folding down the lapels of his lab coat, she looked him in the eyes, conveying that he needed to trust her and not to push Addison any further. He simply nodded at her.

Stepping next to George, Burke said, "O'Malley, I have this interesting case that I want you in on, but don't tell Cristina, or…"

"Yes, Dr. Burke. I mean, no, I won't," George said excitedly.

"Good, now follow me to room 313 and we'll get to work." George said good-bye to Addison and Callie and then stood by the elevator, waiting for it to come up. Addie mouthed "thank you" to Preston who merely nodded and winked at her before leaving, and then she and Callie went into her office.

"What the hell is that about?" asked a highly-annoyed Cristina.

"Dude, I'm telling you, Burke is having an affair with McHot."

"Shut up, Alex," warned Meredith.

"He's with Cristina, Evil Spawn," reminded Izzie.

"Come on, when was the last time Burke looked so damn…friendly? When was the last time he gave a wink to his colleague?"

"Burke is very friendly," huffed Cristina.

"A wink, maybe it was a tick," offered Izzie.

Alex just laughed at her.

"Dude, seriously. Hell, I've seen them before myself and she calls him Preston," he said, emphasizing Burke's first name. "You're with him and you still call him Burke."

"Because, because that's, he's Burke."

"Just shut up, Alex," Meredith repeated.

"I wonder what Callie was doing with her? I mean, do they even know each other? Callie Torres, she gives me this off-vibe, you know? I mean, does she do that to anyone else? What does George see in her?" Izzie rambled.

"She's smokin'. What she sees in Bambi that is the real question. Hey!" a light bulb just went off. "If they get married one day, dude, she'll be Callie O'Malley!" He laughed at his own joke.

Izzie's eyes grew round. George married to…Callie?

Meredith shook her head and patted Izzie's hand. "Don't worry, Alex is just being Alex, George and Callie are nowhere near being ready to get married."

"Yeah, seriously. I mean, he was in love with you just a few weeks ago, right? Okay, maybe months."

"Can we all just drop Torres, Bambi, Burke, and Satan?" wondered Cristina.

The rest shut up and then waited for the next elevator. After they got on, Cristina glared at her friends and muttered to herself "Preston and Montgomery-Shepherd? That'll be the day." Meredith and Izzie gave each other worried looks.

Alex was still beside himself. "Dude, Callie O'Malley," he sang out as Derek Shepherd got on the elevator.

Blinking at what he thought he heard, Derek asked "Callie O'Malley? What's that about? Meredith?"

"It's Dr. Grey to you, Dr. Shepherd," reminded Cristina.

"Fine, I don't care. I just didn't know that George had gotten married."

"He's not married!" a flustered Izzie broke out. "He's just dating Torres. He's her McDreamy."

"Okay. You know what? I'm really too tired to deal with this."

"Dude, you asked," Alex reminded him.

The five remained quiet the rest of the elevator ride. Derek had to meet Burke and George in a patient's room who had cardiology and neurological issues.

"Burke, O'Malley," he greeted when he got in but got no response. He repeated their names and they looked up from their charts and gave him a glare before Burke responded with "Shepherd."

They went over the case with Derek who offered his suggestions which they gave curt responses to and Derek felt like he was being given the cold shoulder.

"Something's in the water," mused Derek. "First the interns, now you two. Do you have a problem with me, Preston?"

"That's Burke, Shepherd."

Sighing, Derek said, "How could I forget? I call you Burke yet my wife calls you Preston. Why was that again? Oh, you like her."

"That's right, Shepherd. I like your wife. I care about your wife. This is more than I can say for you."

"What?" sputtered Derek.

"Addison's sick, Derek. She has been for weeks. And you don't seem to notice or care. But you know what? Dr. O'Malley here, Dr. O'Malley and I have noticed and cared."

Derek felt something twist in his stomach. "What happened?"

"She's looked pale and exhausted lately. She's not eating properly. She's been dizzy. Then today she got sharp pains earlier. She told George it was hunger pains, but he didn't buy it and when I went to confront her, she ran into the ladies room, presumably to get sick. Callie followed her."

A flicker of some emotion passed through Derek's face. "Callie? Dr. Torres? I didn't know they knew each other."

"They don't," George quietly said.

"Not like you would know either way, Derek. I don't understand why she stays with you when you treat her so horribly—"

"You don't? You know what, Burke, this is none of your business."

"Addison is my friend so I'm making it mine. If you won't take care of her, I will. And so will George, and Callie. Bailey will too when she finds out and what do you think Richard will say?"

Swallowing, Derek said, "He'll be pissed with me."

Before they could continue, the patient whom they were collaborating on came in for a consult so they pushed everything aside and worked together to help the patient.

Callie, meanwhile, was trying to help a patient of her own.

"You know what, I can take your blood and run the test for you," Callie offered after ten minutes of talking with Addison.

"Are you sure? I'd ask a nurse but you know how gossipy they are, it'd be on the surgery board in no time."

"Yeah, I know how they are. I'll just take your blood and label it 'Jane Doe.' No one will find out."

Addison turned around in her swivel chair to face Callie. "Thank you, Dr. Torres."

Callie waved it off. "We've been through a lot today, no need for formalities, call me Callie."

"Okay, but only if you promise to call me Addison."

"It's a deal," she said, offering her hand. "Let's shake on it."

Raising a brow, Addison did as told.

"So, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"If this comes back positive, do you want to have a baby? I mean, do you want it to be positive or negative?"

"I, I don't know how I feel. It's just a jumble of things. I've always wanted to be a mother," she added softly.

"Yeah? Go figure, what with working with all those newborns."

"It's not just that, for the longest time, our dream was to be happily married, successful, and have a family full of beautifu children. One out of three isn't bad, I guess. I just wish things weren't so complicated with Derek. This baby couldn't have come at a worse point in our marriage, I mean, if there is a baby."

"If things don't work out with you and Shepherd, you'll be okay."

"I hope so. I just never imagined having to raise our child alone."

"If McAsshole doesn't get it together, it's his loss, not yours."

"McAsshole? Is that your name for him?" When Callie nodded, Addison laughed. "I like it, the first Mc name that I approve of."

"Hurrah!" cheered Callie. "And you know what, regardless of how things are, this child will be beautiful and have fabulous hair."

Addison simply stared at her. "What? Come on, Addison. You're gorgeous, that louse of a husband is pretty personified with a great set of hair not to mention your fiery mane, and any child with that set of genes will be beautiful."

"Fabulous hair? Seriously. Thanks, Callie. I, I needed that."

Callie smiled at her new friend and patted her hand, telling her it would be all right. Addison wasn't sure about that—about anything—but it was time to face facts. And one fact was that she might be pregnant. So many emotions swirled through her as she sat in her chair, waiting for Callie to return to take her blood. _A mother, I could be a mother. I could be a single mother_. That last idea slightly terrified her, but Addison knew it could be done and if that's what it came down to, she'd do it. Placing a shaking hand on her flat stomach, Addison closed her eyes and said _if that's what it takes, I'll do it. And we'll be fine. Even if your daddy hates me_.

Addison let out a small gasp as she realized what she had done and said. Here she was, not even sure if she was pregnant and she was talking to her stomach as if there was a baby in there! With a clarity she hadn't had until this moment, she knew now that if the test was positive, she wanted the baby, no matter the circumstances.

Callie returned to see tears falling down her colleague's face. "Addison? Addison, are you okay?"

Nodding through tear-stained eyes, Addison said, "Yeah. I'm fine. Hey, for all we know it's just hormones," she added as a joke.

Callie smiled at that and then proceeded to fill a vial of blood. Just as she was finishing, Derek charged in her office, saying "Addison, I want you to tell me what's going on with you."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** Well, I had intended to work on this during the three-day weekend, but I was unable to for various reasons. Got it done now, hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think—I'm not overly pleased with this chapter.

To my reviewers: Thank you so much for the feedback, you all rock!

iheartaddi _Aww, I'm glad you found that last part touching, to be honest I did too! Also glad you enjoyed George and Preston v. Derek, lol!_

AdenaMentzel _Eep, sorry it took two weeks!_

loves2writestories _LOL well I personally think Addison thinks the "Mc" names are beneath her but McAsshole? Or McBastard? They work. ;) I got a kick out of referencing FHB, I admit! Yay for friendships! Hmm does she tell the truth or lie? Find out in this chapter!_

vdkb8 _Yes, he is an asshole and deserves an ass-whopping and then some from Addison!_

Steamy4McSteamy _Heh, I'm a big soap opera fan and they're known for cliff-hangers!_

Mony19 _Preston (and George too) is a good friend right now, which she really needs seeing as how her husband's being a douche._

Richiey _Hee! That seemed to be a favorite line among readers. McNightmare? Oooh I'll keep that in mind for the future. Callie/Addie friendship is a beautiful thing. Well, I'm glad the Burke thing worked for you, even though he probably wouldn't do it on the show. Gotta take some liberties in fic. _

skiergal _Thank you! It continues here…_

goldentail _Derek was rather rude. Yeah, he made an entrance all right!_

AddisonMD _I'm so glad so many people are loving her interactions/friendships with Callie and Preston because I really do too. There will be more of them in future chapters (not so much in this one.)_

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 6  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

Addison merely stared at Derek who was standing in her office, hands on his hips, a determined look on his face. _He has some audacity!_ she thought to herself.

"Well, what's going on Addison?"

Callie re-positioned herself, blocking his view of his wife who surreptitiously moved her hand to the floor where he would not see that blood was being drawn. This wasn't her typical behavior, but right now Addison didn't care. Derek didn't have any right to storm into her office.

"You have some nerve, Derek Shepherd. Barging into _my_ office while I'm in the middle of a consult with a colleague, demanding answers from me. Ever heard of knocking on a door, Dr. Shepherd? Or did the common courtesy of basic manners slip your mind once you moved into trailer-park land?"

Derek crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well," said Addison this time.

"What?"

Shaking her head, she said. "Figures. You really have lost all of your etiquette here, haven't you?"

Derek started to come up with a retort when he looked down and noticed a trickle of blood dripping onto the floor.

Forgetting everything for the moment, Derek rushed by Addison's side. "You're bleeding!" Horrified, he looked for the source of the blood and that's when he spotted the tube of blood attached to a vein in her hand.

"Addison! Why are you having your blood drawn? And why is it being drawn by an ortho resident?"

Callie glared at him. "Look, Dr. Shepherd. I may be just a "resident ortho" as you pointed out, but I am more than qualified to draw a patient's blood."

"Patient? Patient? Since when are you a patient? Addison?"

His wife didn't answer her.

"Dr. Torres…I am your superior."

"Doctor-Patient Confidentiality," reminded Addison, "Or have you managed to forget that concept as well, Derek?"

Sighing, Addison told Callie to finish with the procedure. The vial filled up quickly and then Callie removed it and put gauze on Addison's hand.

"Be sure to let me know when those results are in, Dr. Torres."

"Of course I will, Dr. _Montgomery_-Shepherd." Emphasis on Montgomery.

Quietly, Addison said, "Thank you, Dr. Torres. We'll talk later."

Callie nodded and then left the tension-filled office for the lab, intent on getting the results as soon as she could.

"Addison…"

"Don't, Derek. Just don't. Shut up and get out of here. I cannot believe your attitude—or maybe I can. First you rudely storm in here with demands and then you get all high and mighty with Dr. Torres, who is not," she reminded him with sarcasm, "a mere intern like your precious Dr. Grey."

"Meredith has nothing to do with this."

"Doesn't she? I have my doubts."

Derek was growing agitated with his wife's attitude. "I'm not here to talk about Meredith, Addison. I'm here to find out what's going on with _you_."

"What's going on with me? Well isn't that the loaded question. What 'isn't' going on?"

Shaking his head, Derek told her to, "Stop deflecting, Addison. I'm talking about your health."

Snorting, which was very un-ladylike, Addison said, "What are you doing here, Derek? It's obvious you don't give a damn about me or my health. This is so rich. Don't all of a sudden act like you care—"

"I _do_ care about you, Addison!" Derek's voice was firm, surprising Addison and startling Derek.

He took her hand which was covered in gauze and peered at it.

"You always did prefer to get blood drawn from your hand," he commented, gently stroking her hand.

Addison was unnerved by the contact from her husband. "It's less painful that way," she shrugged.

Quietly continuing his ministrations, Derek turned to look at his wife and he noticed the dark bags under her eyes, the exhaustion clear on her face. Scanning her body, he said, "You've lost weight."

Addison didn't say anything, and Derek thought about the times he'd heard her getting ill in the trailer, coupled with what Burke and O'Malley told him. Her face was pale and suddenly she appeared younger to him. Her beautiful blue eyes which used to tell him so much were clouded, he couldn't read them, he couldn't read _her_. When had that happened? A niggling voice in his head said that it happened a while ago, but he was too stubborn to do anything.

An unintentional shiver came out of Addison as her husband looked at her with surprising softness in his eyes, his face full of worry and confusion.

"When's the last time you ate, Addison?"

She shrugged and he shook his head at her. "You need to take care of yourself."

Inwardly, she giggled. That was, as she told him earlier, rich.

"If anything happened to you," he began, but she cut him off.

"What? I'm sure you'd be thrilled that Satan was out of your life, freeing you for Meredith."

"Isn't that what you want, Derek? Your adulterous whore of a wife to be permanently out of your life?"

Derek mulled that over. For a long time, he thought that was what he wanted. When he caught her in bed with his _best_ friend, he'd run away that night to Seattle and he didn't look back. No, he went to a bar on his first night in town, met Meredith Grey and went to bed with her. He romanced her, all the while deleting any and every message his wife had tried to relay to him, and he moved on. Or at least he tried to. To be honest, Derek didn't give Addison much thought in the months he'd been away from her. He compartmentalized his life into New York and Seattle. By doing so, he'd become a lousy son, brother, uncle, and friend—to those who mattered to him in New York. At the time, however, distancing himself had been necessary to allow him some sanity. All of that changed the minute he heard the click of Addison's heels and saw her flaming mane.

When he first saw her, he was so angry. Angry that she dared come to Seattle—to the one place he thought was _his_. The place he tried to start anew. The place where he was dating an intern twelve years his junior. But there she was, as confident, determined, and gorgeous as ever. After he got over his initial shock of her appearance, he turned his anger outward, calling her Satan, Adulterous Whore, and many other things to her face and behind her back. But then she did the unexpected: she presented him with those papers, those _divorce_ papers. She told him she'd let him go, all he needed to do was sign him. He'd be free. Free to be with Meredith. Free to never think of Addison or Mark again. She dangled the carrot he thought he wanted, but in the end, he told her that he wanted to try with her. But he hadn't tried, not really.

Running a hand through his hair, Derek sighed. Addison looked at him expectantly, wondering why he wasn't jumping for joy saying "I want you gone. Forever."

Even if he hadn't physically cheated on Addison, he had cheated on her emotionally, mentally, and otherwise. If she was out of his life, things would be easier, right? But they wouldn't, not really. They would temporarily mask his true feelings. Derek didn't know if he could pull himself together to really try and make things work with her but what he did know was that he couldn't let her go. He couldn't let her be sick.

"Is your mind imagining all the things you'd do upon my demise?"

Whipping his head up, his voice was soft, "No. I was just thinking about…a lot of things. I don't know a lot anymore, Addison, I really don't. I've ed up. You've ed up."

She nodded; at least he was willing to acknowledge something.

"I know that there is something wrong with you. In truth there's a lot wrong with you, with me, with us. But can't be the priority right now. Your health has to be. Now, are you going to tell me what's wrong, Addie or am I going to have to…"

"To what, steal my lab results? That would be professionally wrong, Derek."

Derek paced her carpeted office floor. She was really driving him crazy. Why was she being so damn aloof?

"What were the blood tests for?"

Closing her eyes, Addison rubbed the bridge of her nose. She was so tired. Of everything. How much more could she put up with? And why was he finally taking an interest in her health? Why was his tone soft, his touch gentle?

Changing his tactic, Derek moved to stand behind Addison's chair and he started to rub her neck. "God, you're so tense," he commented.

_Don't do this_ her voice pleaded.

He kneaded her shoulders and whispered in her ears "Remember that time when you pulled a muscle in your neck? You were in agony for quite some time. Your neck was so inflamed. They wanted you to get some physical therapy, but you wouldn't go because you stubbornly thought you could handle the pain on your own."

"I did."

"At first. But then it got to be too much and it was 'Derek, please' whenever you wanted a massage and I couldn't stand the whin—"

"Shut up, I wasn't whining. I just wanted you to take care of me."

Derek actually smiled. "Yeah. Let me take care of you now, Addie" He continued to massage her and he closed his own eyes, inhaling the scent of her expensive citrus shampoo.

Unconsciously, Addison let out a soft moan. "Please, Addie…"

Biting her lower lip, she sighed and then relented. "I might be pregnant," she confessed.

It didn't register at first. "Derek?"

Opening his eyes, he realized what she said. "You might be…pregnant?"

Nodding, she said, "Yes. The blood was for a pregnancy test."

Pregnant. She might be pregnant. That means…

Derek had stopped the massage and his hands rested atop Addison's shoulders. She was afraid to turn around and see the look on his face.

"You might be…pregnant. Pregnant," he repeated.

It was the _last_ thing he'd expected her to tell him. He didn't know what could be wrong with her but her being pregnant never crossed his mind. His mind which was swirling a mile a minute.

"I don't know," she offered. "That's what I'm trying to find out. The symptoms are there though."

"Symptoms," he repeated. Then his mind recalled her vomiting, her paleness, her irritability, her lack of appetite. God, she really could be pregnant.

Addison was about to say something when her beeper went off. She looked at it—911.

"I have to go," she told her husband as she stood up and straightened herself.

"Addison, we have to talk."

"Not now, Derek," she said, using one of his favorite phrases for her.

She left her office with Derek behind. He slumped in a chair and tried to let the reveal sink in.

A few hours later, after Addison successfully delivered twins, she received a 411 call from Dr. Torres. She went back to her office for privacy to take the call and Derek was long gone by then, having to work on a patient who suffered a subdural hematoma.

"Do you have the results?" She asked, twisting the phone cord.

"Yes. It's positive. You're pregnant."


	7. Chapter 7

_**"Wise Up" 7/?**_  
**Author's Note:** Wow, less than a week between chapters, new record (for this story at least). Enjoy! P.S. Forewarning: this is definitely a Derek-centered chapter so I hope you can stomach McBastard/McNightmare/McJerkface/McAsshole. LOL

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 7  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

Feedback rocks. Thanks to all!  
iheartaddi Wasn't it a nice change of pace for Derek to be gentle and soft? blushes Wow, that's high praise, thank you so much. I'm so thrilled that you love my interpretation of them.

sheisMc.HOT Heh, don't worry, he'll have a reaction. To be fair on him (grr), he was completely thrown for a loop and she just dropped that bombshell on him.

crazy-chica6 You know, I think this may just be a wake-up call for him. To get his act together. Hee! giggles Yeah, well I wanted Addison to be a bit defiant and not give in right away but honestly she's not used to this softer, gentler Derek so it tugs at her…plus she's hormonal!

cmaddict Aww, thank you!

loves2writestories Thanks for saying that. It's funny, in my initial vision of this story, Derek was going to be unaware for some time. But I think this works better. FHBBBBBBB!

AddisonMD Yes, Addek babylove! Thank you for thinking I'm doing a good job. /small 

skiergal Heh, yeah. I don't want Addison to make it too easy on Derek. The cold shoulder? That will work for a bit. He has a lot to make up for. I think they will take (pardon the pun) baby steps. Ha, glad you liked the "high and mighty" line! He does act that way at times, doesn't he?

basketballsuzie Thank you. No more wondering as chapter 7 is here.

Richiey Thank you for your continued support of this story, Richiey! I know, it's kinda rough for us Derek haters to picture her having his child but I love her and that overrides my hate for him right now, lol. Addek is just such untapped potential. Wow, thank you for saying that about hitting the right notes and moving the story along. I appreciate it!

Pregnant. Pregnant. _Pregnant_. That one word would not leave Derek's mind for the rest of the day. Even while successfully operating on a patient, his mind veered to that one word for the briefest of moments.

When he sat down in his office for dinner, he barely looked at his meal, instead repeating the word over and over. He didn't know why it became a mantra. It was just a word. But it wielded a certain power over him. It wasn't dramatic to say that this was a life-changing word.

Addison might be pregnant. She could be. Glancing at his watch, he realized that his wife must have those test results back. He dialed her number and then found out from her secretary that she was in the middle of a consult. Frustrated, he slammed his phone down.

Derek had a hard time trying to wrap his mind around the concept of Addison being pregnant. _A baby_, he whispered to no one. It was so surreal. That was the last thing he'd anticipated when he confronted her on her illness. In truth, it should have been one of the first things he asked. He was a _doctor_ for Pete's sake and she, _she_ was the best in her field of obstetrics (among other fields), and so if anyone would know about pregnancy signs, it would be the two of them.

What if she _was_ pregnant? Addison would be having a baby—no, correction, _they_ would be having a baby. He somehow knew that Addison had been faithful to him since she'd come to Seattle. She had done everything in her might to show him that she loved him, that she wanted him, that she was sorry, and that she'd never make that mistake again. Even when …temptation…reared his chiseled face, she didn't cave in. Instead, she stayed here with him, despite how aloof he was being. And yet, they might have created a child in the midst of the turmoil they were in.

It was the worst possible time to bring a child into the world, into their marriage, but it might be happening. Derek knew where Addison stood on a woman's choice and he felt similarly as she. If the test came out positive, he didn't know for sure if she would keep it, but for some reason, he thinks she might. Addison always wanted a child—they both did—but timing was never on their side. First, they wanted to enjoy the start of their marriage, just the two of them. And then they were so busy building their careers. In part it was to pay off med school but they wanted to be more than financially secure for any children. By the time that happened, there was already a strain in their marriage. And then there was the fact that when they had been married for five years, Addison had a miscarriage.

Sighing, Derek leaned back in his chair as he remembered how happy he was when Addison told him she was pregnant. It was unexpected and certainly not planned and while he was scared to death on one hand, on the other he was thrilled. He was going to be a father. He was going to have a child with _Addison_. They always talked about what their family would be like, but they thought they would have years before the dreams became a reality. As one of five children, Derek wanted to have a big family—he wanted that with Addison. She smacked him in the stomach when he suggested they have eight kids—four boys and four girls. "It's a good thing we're both surgeons, Derek," she'd laughed. "So we can take care of their scraped knees?" "No, so we can afford a vacation when they drive us bananas." He'd thrown a pillow at her and then she threw one back and they had one of their many pillow fights. It was a great moment. A moment that Derek hadn't thought of in a long time. Instead, he'd chosen to think of the negative part of their marriage. But there were good times, happy times.

The happiest time was when she tearfully told him she was having their child. Elated, Derek rambled a mile a minute about everything he was looking forward to. They already had names picked. Patrick named after Derek's beloved late father, for a boy and Catherine after Addison's late mother, for a girl. He wanted a little girl with Addison's red hair and her mischievous grin. She wanted a boy that had his curly dark hair and inquisitive face. They already made plans. If they had Cate (which is what Addison wanted to call her for short, if it was indeed a girl), she was going to take ballet lessons and gymnastics. Addison was all ready to be girly with her and Derek was going to build her a doll house. If they had Patrick, Derek was going to take him to baseball games, indoctrinating him in all things Yankees. Addison was going to teach him how to swim. So many plans wrapped up in one little child. Derek remembered how Addison had told him. She told him to meet up for lunch atop the Empire State Building. They ate their brown-bagged lunch and relaxed side-by-side, something neither of them had had the opportunity to do for a while with their busy schedules. Afterwards, Addison pulled Derek's hand towards a viewfinder and dropped a quarter in it.

"Addison," he whined. "How many times are you going to look through one of those things?"

"I love them, Derek. Almost as much as I love you."

Pouting, he said "Almost?"

"Okay. I love them a lot. Not nearly as much as you. Not nearly as much as I'm going to love our child."

Eyes widening, Derek stepped off the platform and turned to look at his wife who had tears in her eyes. "Our child?" he whispered.

She nodded and held out her hand, which he took and then she placed it on her stomach. "We're going to have a baby, Derek. I'm pregnant."

"But how?"

Addison laughed and jabbed him in the stomach. "Well Derek, you see when a man and a woman are in a committed relationship, sometimes they have sex, which is a very lovely, intimate thing and sometimes…"

Tugging at her hair, he smirked at her. "I know how babies are made, _Dr._ Shepherd. I just…aren't you on the Pill?"

"It's not 100, Derek. You know that. And I might have missed one or two when I was sick and no it wasn't intentional, I was just really fogged up and couldn't remember… And we haven't been using condoms, so…"

Her voice trailed off and Derek grinned. "A baby. You're pregnant. We're going to have a baby. We're going to have a baby, Addie!" Laughing, he picked her up and spun her around, much to the amusement of the onlookers.

Addison was four weeks along when she found out she was pregnant. Eleven weeks later, in her 15th week, Derek was in the middle of a surgery when he was paged with an emergency.

"I'm IN an emergency," he snarled at his intern.

"Dr. Shepherd, I think you should take this."

"I think this patient would disagree, if he could talk."

"But Dr. Shepherd, it's Dr. Shep—Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, your wife. She's been admitted."

Everyone in the OR stared at him as he dropped his scalpel. Horrified, he picked it up and handed it to a nurse who dropped it in a bin. "Page Dr. Cleary to take over for me. STAT!"

Derek ran out of the room and called down to information to find out where his wife was. He ran down several flights of stairs and was out of breath when he saw her lying on a gurney, her face so pale. He barely noticed that Savvy was standing next to her, fear etched on her face. He didn't bother to acknowledge her, his only focus was on his wife.

"Addie? Baby?" 

As soon as she saw her husband, Addison burst into tears. He took her hand and squeezed it tightly. "It's going to be okay," he told her quietly. Even though he had a sinking feeling in his head that it wasn't going to be okay.

An hour later, the ultrasound confirmed what Addison already knew in her heart—their baby's heart stopped beating. It was a miscarriage. She had to be wheeled into the OR for a D&C. Her face went rigid when they told her. He and Savvy both tried their best to soothe her, but she wanted none of that. At one point when the doctor told her about the procedure, Addison merely glared at him and said "I know what that means. This is my field, remember?" Derek just shook his head at the doctor, telling him not to say anymore. Addison didn't need any of the details, she was well-versed in them. As her husband, he was as well. But just because they knew what was going to happen to her didn't make it any easier to swallow. Because it was happening to _her_, to _their baby_, to _them_.

After Addison was wheeled out, Derek just stood there in silence. Savvy placed her hand on her friend's shoulders and he closed his eyes, nodding. "I called Weiss," she'd told him. "He's coming over as soon as he can." Derek just nodded again. "And Mark, Derek he rescheduled his afternoon surgery and will be down here shortly."

His voice raspy, Derek thanked her. 

"Derek? I'm going to get some coffee—do you want one? Anything? Okay, I'll be back in a little while."

Shortly after Savvy left, Derek sat down on a bench with his head in his hands and he cried. Before long, he felt a strong hand on his back. He didn't need to look, he knew who it was. Shuffling on the bench, he felt Mark sit next to him and place an arm around his shoulder. "Derek," Mark said sadly.

"Addison? The baby…" Mark's voice trailed off, unable to voice it.

Swallowing, Derek turned to look at his best friend, his eyes swollen and red, tears on his face. He shook his head. "Oh fuck, Derek, man I'm so sorry."

And he was. Most people wouldn't label Mark Sloan as Mr. Sensitive but there were times when he could be, times when he was serious and gentle—like now. Mark felt awful for his best friends. He knew how much that baby meant to Derek, to both of them. And if he were to be honest, the baby meant something to _him_. He was going to be an uncle to that child. Hell a week earlier, Derek and Addison asked if he would be their baby's godfather. He couldn't believe that they would choose him, over someone stable like Weiss or one of Derek's brothers-in-law, and he was unbelievably honored and agreed. He and Derek talked about how they would take the baby to Yankees games and tell him or her all about the evils of the Sox. Now that wasn't going to happen.

"Is Addie?" he finally asked and Derek finally spoke. "She's in surgery."

"The surgeon any good?"

Derek shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, Addison's better but…"

"You're damn straight she's better."

Derek gave a small smile at that. He was awfully proud of his wife's accomplishments. So was Mark. He knew how brilliant she was when they met in med school.

"I wish Nancy was here," Derek admitted, thinking of his obstetrician older sister.

"Where is Nancy-Pants?" Mark asked, using his favorite nickname for Derek's older sister.

"On vacation in Martha's Vineyard."

The conversation stalled and Mark watched his friend stare at the tiled floor.

Quietly, he wondered, "What happened?"

Derek shook his head. "I don't know. I was in the middle of a surgery when I was called to emergency. I ran down as fast as I could and saw her on the gurney." He gave a small shudder. "She was so small and pale, Mark."

That was something he couldn't really picture. Addison was always this _force_.

"Did Savvy tell you anything when she called you?"

"No, she just said that Addison had doubled over and was being checked out."

Savvy arrived and handed both men a cup of coffee. Mark accepted, giving her a kiss on her cheek and Derek just stared at the cup. "I know you said you didn't want anything, Derek, but you could use some Juju…"

Juju…at that word, Derek started crying again and Savvy and Mark looked at each other, helpless.

"I'm sorry," she told him softly. She then told him what happened to Addison when they were having lunch, how she had been spotting a bit and called her doctor to make an appointment and then all of a sudden she doubled over in pain. Derek felt guilty that he wasn't there for her, but both of his friends told him there was nothing he could have done.

When the surgery was over and Addison was in post-op, the doctor told them that everything went smoothly and that despite this miscarriage, Addison should be able to carry another child to term in the future. Addison was still, she didn't say anything and looked absently around the room. As he rattled off statistics about miscarriages, particularly for a first pregnancy, Derek wanted to punch the doctor. At that moment, he didn't care about future children…he cared about _this_ child, the one they lost.

Once the doctor left, Derek crawled into bed and held onto Addison who didn't make a sound. She was a zombie for a few weeks. Depressed, irritable, angry, and sullen. It wasn't like his Addie. But he knew how much she was hurting and one day she finally released that pain, they released it together. From then on, she said that she was going to become a better doctor and make sure that she didn't just dismiss a patient's miscarriage. And she also said that she wanted to have another baby, but not for some time because it was too painful.

Derek understood and he never pressed her. Still, he always hoped that when the time was right, they would become parents.

And yet now, now they might become parents. Talk about irony of timing. Derek didn't know what would happen if she was pregnant. Would they stay together for the child? But would that be fair to the child if they weren't happy together? Could the two of them get past each other's infidelities and get back to being _Derek and Addison_ again? Could they be a family? He didn't know any of that. But he knew that if she was pregnant, he was going to do his best to be a damn good father.

Derek wished he had someone to confide in. After today, Burke definitely was not the one. That basically left Richard. How crazy was it that he could no longer tell his best friend? Because seven years ago, Mark was the first person he told, even before his mother. But now? Now there was no way he'd tell Mark. What was he going to say? "Hey Mark, this is your ex-best friend. Just wanted to let you know that Addison, you know, my wife, the woman you fucked in my bed on my favorite sheets, is pregnant"? That was seriously not going to happen.

When he got home later, the trailer was only illuminated by the bedside lamp. Addison was curled on her side of the bed. He couldn't read her face. "Addison?" he whispered, unsure if she was awake.

Stirring, Addison turned to face him. He looked at her expectantly. Sighing, she said, "We can talk tomorrow, Derek."

"But—" he started.

"Look it's been a really long day and I need some sleep. Can you do me that one favor, Derek and let me sleep?"

Shedding his shirt, Derek said, "I just want to know, Addie."

Closing her eyes, Addison said, "I'm pregnant, Derek." And then she shut off the light and turned her back on him while he was left in the dark to digest the news.


	8. Chapter 8

_**"Wise Up" 8/?**_  
**Author's Note:** A week again, not bad! Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback, I really do appreciate it. I'm glad that the flashbacks worked and it brought out a more human side of Derek, that was the goal. The miscarriage is something that will be touched on in the future and it will play a part in their story. Oh, I gotta say I love that you loved the "temptation reared his chiseled face" as an apt description of Mark. Initially I was going to say "temptation reared his face" and then I said no, be more descriptive and I thought of Mark (and the gorgeous Eric Dane) and chiseled applies, lol!

I want to explain something about Addison's attitude in the previous chapter: a few people commented that she was rather cold in how she told Derek she was pregnant and she could/should have been nicer. But based on his recent behavior towards her, Addison doesn't feel like he deserves that. If you recall, he was displaying serious McJerky behavior towards her and there is a schism there. Plus I was trying to contrast where they were in their marriage when she first told him she was pregnant to where they are currently. Finally, it didn't help that I was re-watching some season 2 episodes and his attitude towards her SUCKED in some episodes. In particular, "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer," where he ignored her/dismissed her, was visibly annoyed that she showed up at Joe's at the end and then had the audacity to say "Hey, I'm not trying to hurt you, but it wasn't just a fling, I was in love with Meredith." GRRR Okay, ending this author's note by saying that Addek have things to work on but the key is that they work on it together b/c so far, none of the realizations Derek has had about his wife has been voiced to her (and likewise she has things she needs to say to him). Good night/morning and enjoy!

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 8  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

"Wise Up 8/?"

Addison woke up the next morning to the aroma of waffles, maple syrup, eggs, and strawberries wafting over her head. _I must be dreaming_, she thought while groggily opening her eyes to see her husband standing beside her, holding in one hand a plate with scrambled eggs, a waffle with syrup, strawberries and whip cream on top, and a glass of orange juice in his other hand. Blinking rapidly, she looked up at him in confusion.

"Good morning, Sleepyhead," he sang cheerfully, handing her the juice which she took a long gulp of.

Eyeing him suspiciously, Addison put her drink down and asked, "Who are you and what have you done with my husband?"

Derek merely laughed and handed her the plate. "I made your favorite."

"I see that. But it begs the question: why?"

Shrugging, Derek told her to eat up. "Well it looks good," she mumbled, moving in the bed so she was leaning with her back against the wall. "It's not laced with arsenic, is it?"

Derek laughed. "Very funny, my wife the comedienne."

His wife? She can't remember the last time he'd said that without a derisive comment behind it.

"No, Addison. There's no arsenic or any other kind of poison in there. I promise. Come on, you need to eat."

Addison was still suspicious of Derek's apparent change of demeanor, but she was ravenous so she began to eat.

"I called Richard and got the day off," he informed her as he maneuvered his way into the tiny kitchen area.

"I thought you had surgeries scheduled?" Addison wondered between bites.

"I did, but I postponed them. Well, one of them I had to give to Dr. Reynolds."

At this, Addison sputtered her juice. He had to be kidding her. Derek Shepherd taking the day off? Derek Shepherd postponing surgeries? Derek Shepherd giving a patient to another surgeon? Surely something was amiss with this picture.

"Don't choke, Addison," he warned from the sink, grinning as he knew exactly what was running through his wife's mind.

"I'm fine. But I'm worried about The Chief."

"Why?"

"Because I'm sure he was apoplectic when you told him you wanted a day off. You voluntarily gave up your surgery to another surgeon."

"Richard was still standing—or sitting, I don't know as I was on the phone with him—after I told him. Once he knew the reason, he was fine."

Stiffening, Addison hoped he hadn't told Richard that she was pregnant. That should be left up to her—when and if she wanted to tell him.

"Which was what?"

"That I'm taking care of my sick wife. He was actually _eager_ to give me the day off. He told me to take care of his star surgeon, his Addie, and tell you that he hopes you feel better soon."

Addison was touched by her mentor/friend's concern for her. Richard had always been so good to her, to both of them.

"Finish eating, Addison."

Rolling her eyes, Addison did as told but as she tackled the eggs, her stomach started feeling queasy. _Oh god, not now_, she moaned.

"So I was thinking, maybe we could go on the ferry today, see some sights. We haven't really done that since you moved here."

Ferry? Boat? The idea of swaying on a boat was not appealing at that moment. She had no desire to lose her breakfast over the edge of the rail overlooking Puget Sound.

"Addison? What do you think?"

When she didn't answer, he continued, "And we could go downtown, they have a lot of boutiques that I'm sure you'd love—to use my American Express for your purchases, of course," he added with a smirk.

Okay, who was this person and how had he invaded her husband's body? Seriously!

"Or we could go the Seattle Art Museum. I'm told they have some really lovely exhibits that I'm sure would be right up your alley. We could find a bistro for lunch and then on the way back…"

"Addison?" he prodded, frustrated that she wasn't responding to any of his suggestions.

"Not now, Derek," she warned him in that tone of hers.

"I'm beginning to hate that mantra," Derek muttered under his breath.

Her face green, she held her hand to her mouth and jumped out of the bed, running to the bathroom where she promptly heaved the contents of her lovely breakfast.

Unlike every other time, this time Derek followed her into the bathroom and he placed a gentle hand on her back, rubbing it in soothing circles.

"Oh God," she whined, holding onto the porcelain fixture, feeling another onslaught hitting her.

"Shhh, Addie, it's okay," his voice soft, he held back her hair while she heaved once more.

"No it's not," she told him, flushing the toilet when her stomach felt semi-settled.

"Addie," he started, standing up, he reached out his hand for her.

"Stop it," she said, shooing his hand away. She turned to look at him and she looked so lost, Derek felt something inside of him but he didn't know what. Pity? Regret? Worry?

Her face was blotchy and she couldn't help but cry. "It's not okay. Nothing's okay," she told him starkly, still sitting on the cold floor.

Derek reached for a washcloth which he then ran under warm water before placing it on the nape of her neck.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you acting so…nice to me?"

Something in the pit of his stomach told him that it shouldn't be like that, she shouldn't be so alarmed by him being nice. He was her husband for Heaven's sake!

"Just …Addison…why don't you just accept that I am?" He reached his hand out for her again and this time she took it, firmly gripping onto him as he held her up.

She stared at him and found something she hadn't seen in a long time, though she couldn't exactly pinpoint what that was. She had the smallest of urges to reach out and trace his face, but she quenched that impulse and instead washed her hands while Derek watched her. He gave her the towel to dry which she accepted and then they stood in the tiny space, inches between them, staring at each other. He was unnerving her.

"I should uh, I should take a shower and get clean," Addison finally spoke.

Debating within himself, Derek offered, "Do you uh, do you want any help?"

"You mean…you in there with me?"

He nodded.

This was certainly out of the blue! "No," she told him. "It's too small for the both of us."

"Addie," he said, shaking his head at her. "We've managed to fit ourselves in there on a few occasions," he reminded her with a smirk.

"That was…different. I'm not in the mood for that, Derek."

Sighing, Derek told her that, "I wasn't proposing having sex with you in the shower, Addison. Jesus, I was simply trying to offer to help give my wife a shower. Is that really such a repelling idea?"

Biting the inside of her cheek, Addison told him it wasn't.

"Then why? I used to do that all the time when you were sick. I used to run baths for you in…"

"New York," she finished for him quietly. "But we're not in New York, Derek and things aren't the same. You haven't been like that, treated me like that in _years_, Derek. I can't remember the last time you went out of your way to take care of me when I was sick. I've been feeling run-down and getting sick for about a month now and you did _nothing_," she stressed, her voice turning hard, "So pardon me for being more than startled by your sudden change of behavior toward me. Pardon me for knowing that it only has to do with the fact that I'm carrying your child and not because you genuinely want to take care of me. Now can we delay this discussion until after I've taken a shower, got dressed, and brushed my teeth?"

"Fine."

He still hadn't moved from where she was standing, so she made a motion to him. "Can you please allow me some privacy?"

"Fine," he told her through clenched teeth. "You want privacy? Fine." And with that he not only left the bathroom but he stormed out of the trailer.

Shaking her head, Addison looked to the ceiling and exhaled a breath she'd been holding. "Nice Derek. Leave. It's what you do best!" She yelled to the empty trailer.

Though he had slammed the door, it didn't shut all the way so Derek heard Addison's admonishment. "Just great," he muttered to no one. "Just fucking terrific."

Sitting down on one of the plastic chairs, Derek jerked his fingers through his hair, mulling over what just happened. All he was trying to do was reach out to her. Was it really that hard for her to see? After thinking about mulling it over for some time, Derek thought of his reaction attitude towards wife and her reaction was more than understandable. How was she supposed to take his 180? Of course she'd not believe it. Of course she'd think it was all about the baby. And was she right?

He stood up and paced in the yard. As unsure of things as he was, Derek knew that there was a part of him that _did_ care about Addison beyond the fact that she was carrying his child.

Deciding to go back in and not give her the satisfaction of being right, Derek entered the trailer and sat on the edge of the bed. He looked at the floor which was a mess, things piled here and there because she took the shelves in the closet for her shoes, and he wondered how he got to this point.

No answers came to him because he heard the faucet being turned off and Addison would be there shortly and would likely be fuming about him.

"Not now, Addison," she said in the same patronizing tone that Derek had always used for her. "We'll talk later, Addison. It wasn't just a fling, Addison. I love Meredith, Addison. And now he expects me to believe he's changed his tune? Because somehow his sperm fertilized my egg?" she asked incredulously while wrapping a towel around her head, not knowing that her object of frustration was sitting on the bed, hearing every word.

"And yet," she said, exiting the bathroom, "When push comes to shove, he left. Typical Derek Shepherd move."

Pulling off her robe, she began to sink down on the bed when she felt a heavy weight beside her. Jumping up in surprise, she screeched, "You. What are you doing here?"

While Derek could have simply retorted that he _lived_ there, he took a good look at her body and swallowed. While no one could tell by looking at her that she was pregnant (and they hadn't talked due or conception dates yet so he was unsure how far along she was), he detected a tiny swell in her abdomen. Water glistened on her skin which looked smooth to the touch and her breasts were fuller. She was beautiful and he was sure she had no idea.

"What?" she asked, perturbed by his fixation on her naked form.

"It's just…we're having a baby," he said emotionally.


	9. Chapter 9

_**"Wise Up" 9/? Derek/Addison**_  
**Author's Note:** Two weeks this time, burn. :( Sorry! Thanks for the awesome response to the last chapter, really I was very tickled by it all. Chapter 9, oh this one is kinda rough. I think you'll probably either love it or hate it and either love or hate Addison and Derek (separately and together) after this. Things had to be addressed, though. I hope I did a bit of justice. All hope is _not_ lost. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading!

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 9  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

LanieCroft _It was important to see the softer side of Derek. Because otherwise, they wouldn't really be viable. I hope you will be happy with how this story goes in the future. There's a lot of rough patches to get through, but hope is not lost. I like rambly!Addison myself. Thank you!_

AdenaMentzel _Derek Shepherd—cute? Hee. Thanks!_

loves2writestories _I'm glad you understand why she's upset with him. I do agree that she has to let her guard down—they both do. Unfortunately in the next chapter, there's no softening. But it's necessary for the story. Thank you for your response!_

basketballsuzie _Yes, incredibly enough he's finally making an effort! LOL And I gotta say it felt good to have her react in the typical Derek Shepherd way. Turnabout and all! Seems like Addie talking to herself while Derek overheard was a hit. Thanks so much for the feeback!_

crazy-chica6 _Thank you for taking the time to read and review this! I'm glad you liked Derek in this chapter, I honestly did as well, heh. You're right, they do need to have a long discussion about things._

Richiey _LOL, Richiey, I may have changed that in the next chapter (the "nothing to hate Derek for"). I'm glad it came across as real and true to them, that means a lot. Thanks so much!_

Eleanor J. _Thank your for the feedback! Yes, "yay" for staying, Derek! And it was important for him to hear her ranting, lol. Glad you understand her behavior._

skiergal _Addison is my hero too! She just rocks and Kate Walsh rocks as well. Heh. Thanks for reading and replying! Derek noticing? Derek getting a clue? Are pigs flying? Hee_

goldentail _Aww, thank you so much!_

simbagirl blushes Thanks for the compliments!

"We're going to have a baby, Addie," repeated Derek, his voice taking on a soft tone.

Standing naked before him with water dripping down her skin, Addison flinched at the way he stared at her. She was unnerved and she didn't like it. She felt so exposed, so vulnerable at that moment and she did not want him to see that, to see _her_. Not saying anything in response to her husband, Addison put her robe back on, tightly tying the belt across her waist. Derek looked almost disappointed as she covered herself up. What was that about?

"Do you mind?" She asked him as he continued to stare at her.

"What?"

Making a shooing motion with her hand, she said, "Go away."

"You want me to leave? But you accused me of leaving."

"No, I don't. I mean. Damn it. I just want some privacy getting dressed, Derek."

Rolling his eyes, Derek reminded her that he'd seen her naked many times.

"It's different now," she told him.

"Why?"

"It, it just is," she said, the frustration leaking out of her voice.

"Addison, I've seen you…before…I…"

Shaking her head at him, she said, "Don't say anymore. Do not use that against me, Derek."

"I'm not trying to use anything against, you. But the fact is, you were pregnant once before and…" he looked up the ceiling, trying to figure out how to phrase things so she wouldn't fly off the handle. "And I was just trying to say that I've seen you pregnant before, that's all."

"It's different now," was all she said.

"Yeah," he swallowed. "I guess it is."

"You guess? Oh my god, Derek don't do that. Don't be flip, not about this."

"All right," he conceded. "Of course it's different! Last time you were so happy when you told me, on the roof of the Empire State building. This time you coldly say "I'm pregnant" and then turn away from me in bed. Last time, we were so happy and our marriage was solid and now…it's not and we're…not."

There was no argument from her there.

"Everything's different now. I do know that much. I guess, I guess the only thing that is the same is that it's a surprise...it is a surprise, right?"

Glaring at him, she asked, "What are you trying to accuse me of, Derek? You are not seriously trying to suggest that I got pregnant on purpose to trap you into a loveless marriage."

Loveless?

"I said nothing of the sort. I just meant."

"I don't care what you meant. I didn't plan this. This came as big of a surprise to me as it did to you."

Not knowing how to handle her, he tried a different tactic. "Addie..." he began, but she cut him off.

"Don't, Derek. Don't "Addie" me. I'm not in the mood for it."

"Are you kidding me? I can't call you Addie anymore? It's your name."

Shaking her head, she asked, "Since when? Last I knew it was Satan's Bitch. Adulterous Whore. Slut. Queen of the land called Passive Aggressiva. It's been that and a hell of a lot more since I stepped foot at Seattle Grace Hospital. And those are just the ones I've had the pleasure of being called to my face by my _dear_ husband," her voice crackled with sarcasm as she said 'dear.' "Lord knows what you've called me behind my back to everyone at Seattle Grace—my colleagues, the other doctors and nurses, administrative assistants, hell I'm sure even Richard."

When Derek flinched at the chief's name, Addison gave a wry laugh. "Not to mention what you've called me to your precious Meredith Grey."

"Leave her out of this, Addison. She has nothing to do with this."

"Really? Somehow I doubt that."

"Is that what this attitude of yours is about? Are you trying to get back at me for doing what, I don't know exactly, with Meredith?"

"You act like I have no reason…"

"That's it! That's what this is about," Derek declared. Moving from the bed he stood across from her at the opposite end of the trailer.

"What what is?"

"You," he said, pointedly looking at her. "You haven't forgiven me and you are downright _bitter_ about that fact that I told you that I loved Meredith."

Clenching her teeth, Addison's eyes narrowed. How dare he? "You. You. This is so fucking rich coming from you, Derek Patrick Shepherd!"

He almost grinned at that. She hadn't yelled his full name out of frustration in over a year. For some reason, it felt oddly comforting. They were full on fighting.

Crossing his arms against his chest, he asked her, "What do you mean, that's rich coming from me?"

"Telling me that I haven't forgiven you for that little…declaration…telling me that I'm bitter."

"It's true, isn't it?"

"Takes one to know one, Derek."

"Now what is _that_ supposed to mean?

"It means that you talk to me about forgiveness and bitterness when you are just as bitter, more so even, about Mark." Addison could see her husband immediately tense at _his_ name.

She continued her train of thought. "Let me get this straight: you want me to forgive you for confessing your _love_ for your 12-year-old emaciated intern, but you won't forgive me for sleeping with Mark?"

Biting the inside of his cheek, Derek spat that it was different, to which his wife retorted "Why?"

"Because he was my best friend, Addison! My best fucking friend whom I was friends with for over thirty years. He was my brother! My best fucking friend, my brother, in _our_ bed, on my _favorite_ sheets—and before you chime in with 'your favorites were the Italian ones' that doesn't matter. My other best friend, my wife, my so-called "love of my life" and my oldest friend, the two fucking people I trusted the most in this world had sex in my house. It's not something I can easily forgive, Addison. What do you expect me to do—just say 'hey, water under the bridge, so you fucked my best friend, no biggie.'?"

Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Addison told him, "Of course not. That's not what I expected or even asked of you, Derek. You don't just leave. You stay. You stay and you scream at me, call me those names, swear, cry, and fight. You _fight_ Derek. For you, for me, and for us. But you didn't do any of that. You just left. You left me that night, in the rain. You left me and you left us. You said there was no more 'Derek and Addison.' And you picked up stakes and moved to another state. The first night you're there—the _first_ night you're there, you pick up an underage intern at a bar for Christ's sake and you bed her. And then you have a relationship with her and fall in love with her. And I'm just supposed to sit back and smile because I fucked your best friend? I deserve to be treated lower than dirt while you throw her in my face time and again? You're not a martyr, Derek. Stop acting like one."

Derek was stunned. He didn't expect any of that. He didn't know what to say.

"Do you have any idea how you've treated me since I stepped foot in Seattle, Derek? Do you really know how you've been to me? Dismissive, mean, cruel, harsh, cold, disinterested. And you think I don't have a right to be bitter? You treat me like that, after I fucking MOVED here…to a goddamn trailer in the woods to live with my husband, the wood-chopping, flannel-wearing fisherman and I'm treated like pond scum. I left my practice, the one that I fought so hard to build to come to a hospital where everyone hates me because I stole McDreamy from Meredith. Well you know what? I honestly don't know why anyone calls you McDreamy. Lying, stringing two women along, how is that dreamy?"

Sitting down on the bed, she closed her eyes and took some deep breaths before continuing. "I left my practice, I left my home. Do you remember the brownstone? It was everything we wanted. It had space. It had a bathtub and it had closet space. It had rooms, plural. It had a fireplace. It had every little knickknack that meant something to us; it had pictures of our loved ones. But I left it and came to a tiny trailer which barely allows room to breathe. I left my friends. I left Weiss. And Savvy. Savvy, Derek. Who lost her mother and went through hell worrying about getting cancer. I left her and all my other friends, all our other friends and came here where the only friend I had was my former mentor and his estranged wife. And I left my family, Derek. I left Mom and your sisters and all our nieces and nephews. I left my own extended family. I did all that for you. All of that and it wasn't good enough for you. It wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to make you say 'I hate what Addison did to me. I hate what Addison did to us. I hate Addison. But damn it I have questions to ask her. I want answers. I want her, I want us, and I want to make it work, somehow.' You asked me to move here and I told you that you had to give Meredith up. But you didn't."

Swallowing, Derek was relieved that Addison had her head in her hands, because he couldn't bear to look at her. 

Her voice cracking, Addison said, "You didn't give her up. You remained friends with her. You flirted with her. You acted like I was some 'obligation' to you and that I was keeping you away from the woman you really wanted. All the while I was trying, here. And then on Christmas, on _our_ holiday, you have the audacity to tell me you weren't trying to hurt me and it didn't mean you were leaving me, but you had fallen in love with Meredith, she wasn't just a fling. And I'm just supposed to grin and bear it because I fucked Mark Fucking Sloan?"

Addison hated that she was allowing herself to be vulnerable, allowing him to know how much he hurt her. She didn't want to be weak in front of Derek Shepherd. But even so, there was only so much a person could take before exploding and whether it was his hypocrisy or her hormones or what, she couldn't refrain from spilling this. Maybe the truth needed to come out. It's not so easy carrying all this baggage around, which was for sure.

"Tell me something, Derek. What would you have done if I told you Mark wasn't a fling?"

Whipping his head around, his voice was barely audible when he asked, "What?"

"What if I told you that Mark wasn't just a one-night stand. He wasn't just a way to grab your attention. He was someone I loved. What would you do if I told you I had fallen in love with him?"

Derek saw red. He moved to the bed and pulled her hand away from her face and cupped her chin so she was looking directly at him. "What are you trying to say, Addison? Are you in love with Mark?"

Giving a bitter laugh, she told him, "No. But I did love him. He's Mark. He wanted, he tried, but he wasn't what I wanted or needed. For some fucking reason I wanted and needed you. Tell me why, Derek. Tell me why I want someone who doesn't want me?"

"I didn't—"

"You didn't have to say it. Your actions speak for themselves. You know, I take that back. You wouldn't be upset if I told you I was in love with Mark. Meredith, on the other hand? That would cause you to flip out. Because god knows you didn't beat him up when you caught us in bed together. You didn't even say a word to him. But the minute you see him talking to Meredith you punch him? That says it all, doesn't it?"

Breathing heavily, Derek stared into her eyes. "You're wrong, Addison," he told her simply. "I would care if you told me that you were in love with him. I would hate it. It would rip me apart from the inside out."

"And I'm supposed to believe that why?"

"Damn it, because I said it, Addison. You said I need to stop playing martyr, well you know what, you need to as well. You're not a martyr. Neither of us are. We've both fucked each other over, both hurt each other incredibly. But we're here. We're still here. You didn't fly off to New York with Mark when he asked you—and I know he asked you—and I didn't go to Meredith when I could have. Why? I don't honestly know. But I didn't. I'm here with you. That has to count for something, doesn't it? And everything you've sacrificed, that has to count. The fact that despite all this between us we somehow created a child together, that has to count, Addie," he said, his voice once again growing soft.

Shaking her head through unshed tears, Addison said, "I don't know anymore."

"We have a lot to talk about. To get through. Maybe we can and maybe we can't. But we have to put all of that aside for now."

"Oh great, so we pretend it doesn't exist? Maybe I'm sick of pretending. I've been doing that for months now and so have you."

"You're right. And I'm not saying you have to—we have to—pretend. I'm just saying we table that stuff. Because there's something more important that we have to talk about. Decisions need to be made…"

"Decisions?"

"Yes, Addison. Having a baby changes everything."

Quietly, she asked, "Who said I was having it?"

He stepped back, feeling punched in the gut. "You…"

"I don't have to have this baby. I don't know how exact dates, but I do know I'm not far enough that I can't…" her voice trailed off as he shook his head.

"After…everything…you're, you're going to…" he couldn't get the words out.

"It's my body, Derek, have you forgotten? Being noble is all well and good, but bottom line it's my body and MY baby."

"Our, baby, Addison. You didn't make him or her alone."

"Don't talk like that, Derek."

"What? I'm just stating facts, it wasn't an immaculate conception."

"Well being that I'm Satan that's impossible."

"Glad to see you're retaining a sense of humor in this."

" I don't have a sense of anything. Don't you get that? I don't know anything. And I hate it."

"You've, you've always wanted a baby, Addison," Derek reminded her.

"Don't you think I know that?"

"And the one we lost, everything we wanted and planned for that child…"

To say he was surprised when she smacked him across the face was an understatement. He held his hand against the sting. "Ow," he whimpered.

"Don't you fucking DARE try to use the memory of the child we lost against, me, Derek. Don't you fucking DARE try to make me do what you want by guilting me about the child we lost."

"I…I'm just royally fucking this up, aren't I?"

Exhaling, Addison stood up. "Get out, Derek. Just get out and stay out for 15 minutes and let me get dressed in peace and in private. Please."

Doing as she told, Derek left the trailer, but he stayed on the grounds. He wished the earth would swallow him whole. If anything, they were in a worse state than when the day started. And here he had begun by making her favorite meal for breakfast and was going to spend the day with her doing things he knew she'd like…all that was extinguished.

True to her word, Addison was ready in fifteen minutes. She exited the trailer with her purse on her shoulder and a suitcase in her hand.

"What, what are you doing?"

She just looked at him and shook her head. "Addison? Where are you going?"

"I called Richard. He's giving me time off."

"Time off?" He didn't understand. Where. Was. She. Going?

"I can't think, here, Derek. I can't think and I can't breathe. I'm suffocating. You were right. Decisions need to be made. But they can't be made here where I'm paralyzed. I can't just make this decision lightly. I don't want to regret what I decide—either way," she added softly.

"You're leaving me." His statement was clear. She was doing to him what he did to her.

"Yes."  
Shaking his head at her, he said, "You're coming back though. Right, Addison?"

When she didn't answer, he got in her face. "Right, Addison?"

Were there tears on his face? Addison didn't want to see either way, so she just shook her head and said she'd contact him when she was ready.

Derek stood on his land, immobile.

She's gone…they're gone…

_It's not  
What you thought  
When you first began it  
You got  
What you want  
Now you can hardly stand it though,  
By now you know  
It's not going to stop  
It's not going to stop  
It's not going to stop  
'Til you wise up_


	10. Chapter 10

_**"Wise Up" 10/? (Derek/Addison)**_  
**Author's Note:** Well, just a little over a week this time. This chapter is…not my best, I must admit. It's a rather long chapter, most of it is filler/transition and there is no Derek/Addison interaction in it, but some of it is important. So I hope you enjoy and I appreciate all your feedback. Thanks! Sorry I didn't get this posted earlier. I finished writing it at 2:30 in the morning (thereabouts) and was so beat that I was only able to post it in the LJ communities and then today I had a family picnic to attend. But normally I try to post them everywhere at once.

LanieCroft _Well, I'm sorry you were unhappy with the fight, but I felt it was necessary and overdue. I do agree re: Addison finally having the courage to leave him (temporarily or otherwise). You'll find out in this update where Addison is. And you're likely right re: the baby. Thanks for the review!_

loves2writestories _Thanks for reading and leaving feedback! Glad you the angst worked for you. Hee, I admit to laughing when writing those lines. I so agree about the loss of baby issue. The Mark thing didn't make sense and it was glossed over._

Eleanor J. _Addison is definitely hurting and I think deep down, Derek is too. Only his is masked as anger/indifference. I love Addek fics but you're right, sometimes it is the "easy way out" to have them forgive quickly. Thanks so much!_

WeAreAddisonAandDerek _Aww, sorry it was sad for you. :( Unfortunately this chapter doesn't resolve any of your questions, sorry. But I hope you enjoy it anyway. Thanks!_

crazy-chica6 _Honestly? It was more intense than I originally intended, but I just felt it worked that way, it needed to be that way. Thank you!_

skiergal _Thank you! Yes, enough is enough, go Addison for GOING! Heh, I loved the "then again, maybe not." ;)_

basketballsuzie_Thanks for your review. Glad you liked the chapter._

Anonymous _Well I really appreciate your feedback and am so happy you like the fic. Thanks!_

Richiey _Wow, Richiey, what generous feedback, thanks so much!_ _Yes, they so should have had that fight on the show! Honestly I didn't hate Derek in this chapter either, I didn't think he did anything wrong. He was trying and putting forth an effort and that wasn't well-received. That was deliberate, to have Addison turn the tables on him. Hee, the emaciated line was a favorite of many. _

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 10  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

"So Bambi, what was up with the She-Shepherd the other day?"

"What do you mean, Cristina?"

"I know she's been sick. Everyone knows that."

"And?" George asked, not getting the point.

"Everyone but Shepherd that is," piped in Alex from the opposite end of the bench in the locker-room.

Meredith glared at Alex. "What?" he asked innocently. "She's his wife, so you'd think he'd care if she got sick."

"She's Satan," provided Cristina who then added, "And the nurses said that they saw you and Burke hovering over her a couple of days ago…"

"You're just jealous, Yang."

"Shut up, Evil Spawn," ordered Izzie as she got out of her tee-shirt and into her scrub top.

"Well it's true; she thinks that Burke and Montgomery-Shepherd are doing it."

"Alex," warned Meredith who was bent over, tying her sneakers.

"I get Burke's interest in her…"

"What do you mean, Evil One?"

"Well, Cristina, they are intelligent, refined, classy people."

"Classy people who cheat on their husbands with the best friend," muttered Izzie under her breath.

"Izzie!" chastised George.

"It's true, George."

"Whatever," said Alex as he tied the laces of his scrub bottom in a tight knot. "The point is, they have things in common. So his interest in her makes sense. But that doesn't explain Syph-Boy's," he said, giving George a pointed look.

"Alex!" Meredith warned again, giving an annoyed look.

"What? He does have a thing for women in love with Shepherd…you know that from experience, as unpleasant as it was."

"God you really are an asshole today, Alex," Izzie commented.

"Like you have room to talk, considering you're in love," he said, rolling his eyes, "With a friggin' heart patient."

Meredith was about to smack Alex when Izzie stepped in-between them, glaring at her former lover. "Shut up, Alex! Maybe you're the one who has a thing for Montgomery-Shepherd, considering how much you go on and on about her and the gynie squad."

"Yeah, right," he snorted.

"All that fluffy pink getting to you, Karev?" wondered Cristina.

"Not in this lifetime."

"Shut up, Alex. Just shut up." The four other interns turned in surprised to look at a very annoyed George.

"First of all? Burke isn't cheating on Cristina. They're _friends_, so you really shouldn't be jealous," he informed Cristina who merely scowled at him.

"Secondly, I am with Callie now," Izzie rolled her eyes at this as she was none-too fond of Dr. Torres.

George ignored her looks. "So you implying that I have a thing for Meredith or Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is disrespectful to Callie and our relationship and I am not okay with that."

Meredith's eyes widened. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Izzie turned to her with a smile.

"Our George is growing up," she said softly, to which Alex groaned.

"I know that you guys don't like her, for whatever reason, but Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is an excellent doctor," he told them.

"And she saved your life," he reminded Cristina.

"So she did," Cristina acknowledged, jumping up from the bench she was sitting on. "But Bambi, Meredith's my _person_."

"And that trumps life-saving?"

"George, you don't get it."

"She stole my McLife, George," sighed Meredith.

Highly annoyed with his friends, George shook his head at them. Was she ever going to get over that? Didn't seem likely. He was very grateful to have Callie.

"My McDog, My McBoyfriend, _My_ McDreamy."

"Enough of the McNonsense!" ordered a highly irritated Miranda Bailey who had just entered the room.

"Dr. Bailey, I—" began Meredith, but Bailey put her hand up in protest.

"I am not going to repeat this, Dr. Grey, because I really don't want to waste time here gossiping about others."

Izzie looked guiltily at her boss.

"Dr. Shepherd lied to you and that was a really low, idiot thing to do, especially considering he's a neurosurgeon. He's not the first man to lie to a woman and won't be the last. Now Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is his _wife_, so as far as anyone's concerned she stole nothing from you that didn't belong to you in the first place. If you have issue with either one of them, I suggest you suck it up and take it up with them _after_ work. Got that?"

Meredith merely nodded.

"Good. Now, are you all ready for today's assignments or do you want to stand here bitching some more?"

"We're ready, Dr. Bailey," they all chimed in.

"All right," she looked down at the clipboards in her hand. "Grey, you're in the pit today, Yang you're with Shepherd, O'Malley you're with Burke, Stevens you're with Chamberlain, and Karev you are with me," she instructed. "Now get to work people."

George wondered why no one was called into Addison's service.

"Who's Chamberlain?" whispered Izzie to Meredith who simply shrugged as the name was equally unfamiliar to her.

"Do you have a problem, Karev?" bailey asked, standing with her arms crossed over her chest.

"I thought I was still under Dr. Shepherd's—the other Dr. Shepherd's—supervision."

"You were. You're with me today, or is that a problem?"

"No M'am."

"Good. Now what are you people standing around for? I gave you your orders, now shoo."

Izzie stood uncomfortably next to her. "Dr. Bailey?"

"What is it, Stevens?"

"It's just…I don't know who Dr. Chamberlain is."

"He's in neo-natal."

All five interns gave each other a look. "But Dr. Shepherd?"

"There are other doctors in this hospital, Stevens. Capable ones at that."

That's true, but Montgomery-Shepherd was the best, even Izzie knew that.

She could feel five pairs of eyes boring into her, which she ignored and told them to get back to work.

Dr. Shepherd was in one bad mood that day, which made things awkward with Yang. He was relieved that Meredith wasn't his intern today or George. Meredith for obvious reasons and George because he surprisingly seemed to be on Addison's side, how that happened he didn't know.

Yang let him do his job for the most part. Any question he asked of her, she was quick to respond with the correct answer. Derek was angry and confused and he knew that he was walking a fine line before he lashed out on someone in a most inappropriate way, so he made very little talk with his intern or even his patients.

Cristina wasn't surprised that he was in a bad mood, she was certain it had to do with the She-Shepherd and their marital problems. Whatever, it didn't really affect her, well not until Meredith was at the bar, drowning her sorrows in tequila and finding some random guy to bed.

"I asked for the labs ten minutes ago, where are they?!" He questioned angrily.

"The lab tech is working on them. I just went to ask," she reminded him.

Derek rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath about the incompetence of people.

The lab tech knocked on the door five minutes later and produced the lab results to which Derek snatched them away without so much as a "thank you." And people thought Cristina was cold!

Skimming over the results, he swore under his breath when he came to one line.

"So can we schedule the surgery?" asked Cristina.

He looked at the results again. "Damn it!" He yelled. "Why didn't anyone tell me she was pregnant?"

"Pregnant?" Cristina questioned in surprise.

"It wasn't in her other records, why didn't she say anything? Six weeks along."

Cristina knew their options were limited in terms of surgery, if they wanted to have a viable fetus.

"I'll call Chamberlain."

"Who?" Derek asked, looking up from the report.

"I don't know him but Izzie is working with him for the day. Bailey said he's in neonatology."

"Huh." Derek didn't know that. He tried to think of the surgeons he'd worked with before Addison came to Seattle but he couldn't remember any of them.

The other doctor was called in and Izzie came along. The news was grim and after speaking with the patient, even more so. The patient refused the surgery.

"Damn it, we need Addison," Derek said aloud to which Cristina stared at him.

"Why don't you uh, call her?" she suggested.

"I can't," he said simply.

"O…kay. But she'll be back tomorrow, right? She's out sick or something?"

Derek shook his head. "She's not out sick, she…I don't know. I don't know where she is or when she's coming back."

Cristina stored that piece of information in her head to impart to Meredith later. Very interesting, she thought to herself!

"Here, drink some of this," Savvy told her best friend, handing her a mug of cocoa.

"Juju?"

Savvy nodded. "I figured you could use some."

Sipping slowly, Addison agreed. "To say the least."

Savvy stared at her with sympathy, which Addison appreciated. Fingering the rim of the mug, Addison said, "Thank you, sweets. For letting me stay here with you and Weiss on such short—make that no—notice."

"Oh goodness, don't think anything of it, Addison."

Addison shook her head at her best friend. "No, really. Thank you. I didn't know where else to go. Not that it's not obvious or anything, coming here…"

"Who cares if it's obvious?"

She had a point. "It's just that, I'm sure he'll call…"

"And if he does, Weiss and I aren't going to say anything."

"I don't want you two to have to lie for me," Addison sighed.

"Hey." Savvy put her hand on top of Addison's. "You're my best friend. And Weiss adores you to pieces. You'd do the same for either one of us."

That was true. "Besides, you saved my life a few months ago…"

"Sav…"

"It's true. You're the only one I'd trust to perform those surgeries on me…"

"You feeling okay?"

Savvy shrugged. "As best as can be expected, I mean I have some side effects but, that's natural…natural," she laughed and stared down at her chest.

"These puppies aren't!"

"Savvannah!" admonished Addison as she looked at her friend who had laughter in her eyes.

"Well, it's true. Saline. Implants. Who'd ever think that I'd need implants?"

"Oh Sav…"

"Don't, I'm fine, Addison. It was my choice, and I don't regret it. Besides, these look damn good, don't you agree?" She asked, thrusting her chest out.

Laughing, Addison agreed. "He does good work," she mused softly.

"Mr. Man-whore? Yeah, he's the best at his job."

Mark certainly was.

"So…" Addison began, not knowing what to say.

Looking over her friend carefully, Savvy asked, "Have you talked to him?"

Taken aback, she said, "No. Not since…"

"Not since his unsuccessful attempt to lure you back home?" she guessed accurately.

"Yeah," Addison said taking another sip.

"Do you regret it?"

"Not coming home?"

"Well, look, you still call New York home."

"New York will always be home, Sav."

"True, you can take a girl out of the city…"

"With Mark, it was…complicated."

Savvy laughed. "And with Derek it's sunshine and roses?"

"Shut up. You know it's equally complicated with him, more so because of the Grey factor."

"Ahh yes, the 12-year-old intern."

"Did I tell you that Derek punched Mark?"

"Really? Good for him."

Shaking her head, Addison picked at the food on her plate. "He only did that after he saw Mark talking to Meredith."

Groaning, Savvy said, "Bastard."

"I love you, Savv."

"Same here, sis." The two had been friends for a long time and were just as close as sisters, which neither had. Addison had Derek's sisters whom she loved but Savvy was different, she was special. They would call each other "Sis" and Addison's pet name for her was "Sweet Savvannah" which was often shortened to "Sweet Savvy" or "Sweets." 

"Can you drop me by Mt. Sinai sometime today?" Addison asked, while standing up to put her cup in the sink.

"Sure, but why are you going there?"

"Well," she said sheepishly. "A former patient of mine gave birth yesterday. She had a lot of complications in her pregnancy and her husband called me to share the good news of the birth, and since I was here, I thought I'd check on them."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Her friend was the best.

"Besides, when I'm there, I can catch up with some of my old colleagues…."

"And scope out any available positions?"

Addison shook her head at her friend. "I said nothing of the sort. It's just a visit."

"Mmmm hmm," Savvannah sounded disbelieving.

"Plus I should see Dr. Edelstein."

"That's your GYN, right?"

"Yeah. I need to uh, find out some things…like how far along I am, etc."

Savvannah nodded in understanding. "You don't know yet?"

"No. I mean, I have an idea but not certain dates or anything. Besides, I trust her."

"And you don't trust anyone in Seattle?"

Shrugging, Addison said she didn't even have a PCP, let alone a gynecologist to which her friend sighed. "Addie, you need to have a doctor."

"I guess getting one means that that's it…I'm really living in Seattle."

Turning towards her friend, Savvy wrapped her arms around Addison's shoulders and squeezed them. "It'll be okay, Addieface," she said, using her pet name.

Addison put a hand on top of Savvy's and squeezed it. "Maybe."

"No Saddieface today, okay?"

"Okay."

"Well, I have a few phone calls to make and then we can go in an hour, is that okay?"

"That's great. I'll just go in the room and call Richard."

Savvy gave her a surprised look. "He is my boss…and beyond that, my friend. I left him in the lurch. I need to check on a few patients, give some information to the backup."

"Okay. Well, one hour babe."

Nodding, Addison sat down on the plush couch and took her cell phone out of her purse. She stared at it for a few minutes, debating whether or not to make the call.

After knocking on the Chief's door, Derek entered without being called in. The door wasn't shut though, and that was a sign that visitors were welcome. Still, he could have been polite and waited, but Derek wasn't in the mood for politeness.

"Derek," Richard said, nodding at his friend who took an empty chair.

"Where's my wife?"

"Derek..."

"Come on, Richard. You must know. Where is my wife?"

"Derek, did it ever occur to you that if she wanted you to contact her, she would have told you where she was going?"

Derek didn't answer that, he just stared at the picture of Adele and Richard on the desk. "Derek?"

"I need to talk to her, Richard."

"You need to be patient, Derek."

He received a snort for that remark.

"You must know where she is, she would have told you."

"Why do you assume that?" his mentor wondered.

"Because, you're close. Besides that, you're her boss."

"Derek, Addie needs some time to herself, can't you understand that?"

"Did she tell you why?"

"No, and I didn't ask." Leaning back in the chair, he stared at the picture Derek was staring at. With a smile he said, "That was taken three years ago at the hospital Christmas party. She looked so beautiful, don't you think?"

"Yeah."

"Of course that was before everything went south."

"Before the truth came out?" Derek wondered, referring to the chief's affair with Meredith's mother.

"No, she knew about that all along. But after a while, she had enough. There's only so much a person can take, Derek." The implications were pointed.

"I need to talk to my wife."

Sighing, Richard said, "She'll come back."

"How do you know?"

"Because it's Addie. And you. Because you're Derek and Addison."

"Not anymore," he said quietly, folding one hand over the other.

"You still are. You think an affair is going to change that? I know you have feelings for Meredith…"

"I lov…I…yeah," Derek admitted, not quite knowing how he felt about Meredith at the moment.

"I know what it's like to have an affair with a Grey."

"But my affair started after she had an affair with my best friend."

"Look, what she did with Mark was wrong, there's no question of that. But did you ever ask her why?"

Derek furiously shook his head. "Why should I? I don't want to be crass, Richard, but _my wife_ and _my best friend_ in my house."

Closing his eyes, he took a breath and then looked back up at Derek. "I understand that and I understand the impulse to leave and find someone else—someone new, different, someone who's the anti-Addie. But Derek, that's a temporary solution to a more complicated problem. It's just a Band Aid. It has to be ripped off sometime…"

Looking at the tiled floor, Derek softly said, "No anesthesia?"

"No anesthesia."

He was reminded of a time when he and Addison decided to rip the band-aid off. The first time they had sex after their affairs.

Putting his head in his hands, Derek admitted, 'I don't know what to do, Richard. About Meredith. Addison. The b---" he stopped himself before revealing too much and the Chief quirked a brow at him.

"Derek, I think you should really…" Richard began but was cut off by the ringing of the phone. "Excuse me," he told him, taking the call.

"Richard Webber."

"Addison Shepherd."

Richard looked at Derek and then back at the phone. "Hello," he said, without giving her name.

"Hi, I just wanted to talk to you about some of my patients to pass along to my colleagues."

"That was very considerate of you, thank you."

"Yeah, well, I owe you that. I hope it wasn't too much trouble to take the time off."

"Nonsense, you deserved it."

Addison gave a small smile at her end. 

Turning to Derek, Richard held his hand over the phone and said, "Dr. Shepherd? I'll get back to you at a later date."

"Dr. Shepherd?" Addison asked in surprise.

"Okay, Richard. Thanks."

"Good-bye."

"That was Derek, wasn't it?" Addison asked, cradling the phone in her neck.

"Yes."

"Did you tell him?"

"Of course not. You asked me not to so I didn't. Doctor-patient confidentiality and all."

"I'm not your patient, Richard."

"Doctor-friend confidentiality, then."

Smiling, Addison said, "That works."

Addison gave Richard status updates for her backups and then said she had to go.

"You're coming back, right Addie?"

"I don't…"

"He really wants to talk to you."

"I know. Did he tell you why?"

Richard shook his head. "No. And I didn't press. You two need to work it out."

"We'll see," was all she said before saying good-bye.

Half an hour later, Savvy was done with her phone calls and the two best friends headed to Addison's former place of employment.

"You sure you don't want me to come with?"

"Thanks, Savv, but I can do this on my own. Really."

"If you're sure," her friend hesitated.

Nodding, Addison thanked her friend and told her to go on her way and that she'd take a cab back to their place when she was done.

Straightening herself up, Addison released a deep breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding onto and then walked into Mt. Sinai Hospital with her usual air of confidence.

"Dr. Shepherd!"

"Hello Emily," Addison pleasantly greeted a familiar nurse.

"Are you back on staff? I didn't know that!" the nurse said happily.

"No, I'm just here for a visit."

"Oh. That's too bad. I thought. Well, what about Dr. Shepherd? Is your handsome husband with you?"

Addison shook her head. "He's in Seattle."

"Oh. I thought you two were back together, I thought…" she rambled on, making things very awkward.

"Emily, do you know which room Mrs. Johnson is in?"

The bubbly nurse nodded. "Yes, actually I was on my way there. Did you hear that she had the baby? He's beautiful."

"I'll follow you then."

Derek's mood hadn't improved since he spoke to Richard. In fact, he was gloomier than ever as he entered an elevator. Standing with his back against his wall, he was distracted by thoughts of his wife when Meredith Grey walked onto the elevator.

"Dr. Shepherd," she acknowledged with a nod.

"Dr. Grey," he acknowledged, while inwardly cringing. _Great, just what I need_.

"Emily was right, you are beautiful," Addison whispered to the newborn that she cradled in her arms as she rocked back and forth on the rocking chair.

"You're so lucky, Benjamin. Not a care in the world, huh?" she asked in a soft voice.

"I wish I could say it stays like that…"

She gave a tender kiss to his forehead and continued rocking him.

"So the rumors are true…you really are back."

Turning around at the sound of that voice, Addison's eyes widened at the man who spoke.

"Mark."


	11. Chapter 11

_**"Wise Up" 11/? Derek/Addison  
**_**Author's Note:** Two weeks this time, so sorry! Real life gets in the way, I'm afraid. Last week I had some health issues and the week before I worked overtime every night and wasn't up to writing. This one is pretty long and again there's no Addek interaction, but I hope you'll still like it. There is some progression, lol! Enjoy and thanks for the support, as always!

**basketball suzie**—I take it you're not a fan of Mark? Sorry:( Isn't Richard wonderful? He's straight with Derek without being cruel because he does care for him. Derek is slow on the uptake, I'm afraid. Let's see if he'll grovel, I hope he will! Thanks for R&R!

**richiey—**Yay for liking it! Thank you, Richiey! As I said, I worried that it was too lengthy. Hee, Derek deserves angst and then some! I appreciate that you feel this is a realistic progression of their relationship. It just is too "easy" to do an insta-reunion and Derek and Addison are anything but easy so I'm glad you're along for the ride!

McAddekluvrrr—heh, you liked Nurse Emily? Hell yeah, Derek is an idiot (even more of one) if he doesn't know where his wife is. Thanks for your review!

LadyForga72—Thanks for reading and replying! Sorry that this isn't going as fast as you'd like, but it will take a while for things to be resolved. I hope you'll stay for the ride.

LanieCroft—Addie/Savvy are the best and I enjoy writing them. I'm sorry if you're bummed at Mark's appearance. I will say that he serves a purpose (eventually). I'm glad that you like that she left Seattle and you understood the need for no Addek interaction. While Derek has some self-awareness, he still needs to realize some important things, like his part in what went down. Aww, you're the first one to comment on Addison and the baby, bittersweet. Thanks so much for your response!

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 11  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons to become a stronger couple or will they give up on their marriage and each other? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

"Listening to the gossip mill, Dr. Sloan?"

"Not quite."

"Well, then don't believe the rumors."

"You're here, aren't you?" he asked, pointing out the obvious.

"Maybe I'm just a figment of your overactive imagination."

"Addison…"

"Who told you I was here?" she wondered.

"Nurse Emily."

_Figures_, Addison thought to herself, turning her attention back to the baby she held in her arms.

"Go away, Mark."

"All it took was one smile and Emily was putty."

"Really, that's all it takes these days? You're losing your charm."

"I heard her talking to some of the gossips. Said that Dr. Montgomery was back in town. Imagine my surprise. So I talked to her a bit and found out you were here."

Mark paused and took a good look at Addison. She was beautiful. And sitting in that rocking chair, holding that baby to her chest did something to his insides. They turned to goo and Mark Sloan didn't do goo. Still, his chest constricted and he couldn't help but smile at the sight. This was Addison. The woman he wanted more than anything or anyone.

"Go away, Mark."

He remained standing over her shoulder, his muscular arms crossed over his toned abs. "She said that your 'gorgeous' husband wasn't with you. And that maybe you were scoping out for your old job. She said it would be nice to have Dr. Montgomery back."

Gritting her teeth, Addison corrected him. "Shepherd."

"What?"

"Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery-_Shepherd_."

"So you still have his last name. That doesn't mean…"

"What?"

"He's not here, Addison." Simple. True.

"How very perceptive of you, Mark."

Studying her closely, he noted that she looked tired and stressed out. "Why isn't he with you?"

"That's none of your business," she reminded him.

"If you were my wife, you wouldn't go off without me."

She just shook her head. "God, what is this, the 1950s? I'm no stay-at-home wife, Mark. Never have been and you know it."

"I just meant…"

"That you're a better man than Derek?"

His voice grew soft when he said, "You said it, Addison, not me."

Closing her eyes while rocking Benjamin, Addison took a deep breath before saying, "Please, Mark. Just go."

Meredith kept glancing back and forth in Derek's direction, wanting to say something, but not sure what or how. Finally, she blurted, "I heard Addison left."

Derek didn't turn in her direction; he merely steeled himself for what was coming.

"I mean, Cristina, she said that Addison's gone and you…"

Moving from his spot, Derek harshly hit the "Stop" button.

"What's this about, Meredith?"

Meredith nervously wrung her hands. "I just…are you two…I mean…"

Derek didn't say anything. "Did she sign the papers? Are you getting a divorce?" The moment she said that, she clamped her hand over her mouth, not believing her audacity.

"I'm, I'm sorry," she whispered weakly. "I had no right to ask that, I just…I'm sorry."

Derek shook his head. "You're right; you had no right to ask. Addison is gone. I don't know where she is, when or even _if_ she's coming back. I hope…"

"Hope?" Meredith was curious now. Did Derek actually _want_ Addison to return to Seattle—and to him? Did he truly want in the marriage?

Sighing, Derek explained, "It's complicated. That's all I can say. It's complicated me and Addison. But no one's signed papers."

"Oh," Meredith said quietly.

"Still with the vet?"

This time Meredith sighed. Now who was talking out of line? "Yeah," she answered.

Nodding, Derek hit the button so the elevator once again ran.

"I don't have time to deal with you, Mark," Addison told him as she stood up and gently placed Benjamin in his bassinette after giving him a kiss on his downy forehead, stroking his cheek lightly.

"Addison, I am not leaving until you agree to talk to me."

"We have nothing to talk about. You talked in Seattle, that's it."

Mark wasn't going to accept it. "You don't have a marriage, Addison. I'm sorry that that hurts you; I know that you love him, and god knows that you've tried with him, but he's in love with the intern and you know it."

She flinched ever-so-slightly and Mark knew he hit a nerve. "I know things are complicated and you probably feel alone. But you're not alone, Addison. You'll never be alone with me," he told her, reaching out to brush a tendril that had fallen onto her forehead.

"You'll never wonder if I love work more than you. I won't discard you like Derek did. I won't ignore you. I won't take you for granted. I won't forget that I've loved you for all these years. Because I _do_, Addison. I love you."

Closing her eyes once more, she felt him softly caress her cheek and she let out a small shiver. Damn him, she thought. Why does he have to come here and complicate things that are complicated enough?

"We could be good together, Addie," he told her, running his fingers through her hair. "No," he corrected. We could be brilliant."

His breath was hot in her ear and her heart quickened. "Give me a chance to show you how good we could be, Addie." His voice turned low and seductive, but she wasn't going to fall for it—fall for him.

Opening her eyes, she whipped her head around and said, "Until you decide to sleep with another receptionist, resident, and nurse."

Mark felt a punch to her gut from her declaration. "Addison."

Shaking her head, she said "Don't. We were together for two months, Mark and you slept with _three_ other women. You cheated on me. I mean, I guess I don't have much footing to complain, after all you're the guy I cheated on with, and so why is it a surprise that you cheated too?"

Mark's stomach churned. What defense did he have for his actions? None. And she knew it.

"I was an idiot, Addison. I was an idiot and an asshole and I didn't deserve you then, I still don't deserve you. But I won't cheat on you again. I promise you."

"Don't. Don't make promises you can't keep."

Addison finally stood up and started to walk away when Mark grabbed her arm and stared at her with those wounded puppy dog eyes. "Don't leave this, Addison. Don't leave me, don't leave _us._"

"I have to," she told him, prying her arm out of his grasp.

His eyes bore into her, pain etched all over his face.

"Mark, stop harassing my sister-in-law."

At the sound of her voice, Mark dropped Addison's arm. "Nancy-Pants."

Nancy glared at him. "I'm not in the mood for nicknames, Mark. Or for you. And I can tell by Addie's face that she's not either. So just go."

"Fine," he said, knowing he really had no other choice. He started to walk away but then turned around and called out, "This isn't finished, Addison."

"It's not what it looked like," Addison started to explain when her sister-in-law cut her off.

"Oh hush. I know what it's like. It's _Mark._"

Nodding, Addison rolled her eyes. Then she asked Nancy if they could move this conversation somewhere more private. So they walked into Nancy's office and after closing the door, Nancy hugged her tightly.

"Nance…"

"I've missed you too."

"Oh Nancy…"

"We don't need to rehash the past. Because that's what it is: past. And I have a feeling you get enough of that, from Mark and from my little brother. I hate what you did to Derek, don't get me wrong, and I hate what Mark did to him, maybe even more, but I still love you."

Nodding, Addison returned the hug and told her favorite sister-in-law that she loved her too.

Her eyes coursing over Addison's body, Nancy declared, "You look like shit."

Addison's eyes widened and then she left. "Thanks, Nance. Just what I needed to hear."

"What has my little brother done to you now?"

Not sure how much to delve into, Addison said, "It's complicated."

Not buying it, but not wanting to press, Nancy murmured, "I'll bet." Changing the conversation, she asked, "So, what are you doing here and where is Derek?"

"I'm here for a visit. Thought I'd see some of my old colleagues and I also wanted to check in on Susan," she said, referring to Mrs. Johnson, Benjamin's mother.

"She's all right. Weak and tired, but otherwise fine. Delivery went smoothly."

"I know, her husband told me. She was in excellent hands; I'm sure you did a terrific job, Nance."

Nancy smiled at her friend. Though they were in the same field, there really was little room for competition. Mt. Sinai was a large hospital which saw many patients and they were both damn good at their job. Though Nancy mentored Addison in the field when she was an up-and-coming surgeon, Addison's talents had actually surpassed her sister-in-law's. But there were no hard feelings if a patient wanted one or another. Nancy was still a highly respected surgeon. And when Addison left the hospital, many of her more complicated cases went to her sister-in-law.

"Thanks. Now where is that ugly brother of mine?"

Shaking her head, Addison chuckled. "Nancy…Derek may be a lot of things, but he's far from ugly."

"I know, but it's my job as his big sister to make fun of him, haven't you learned that after all these years?"

In fact, Addison had.

"He doesn't need a bigger ego than he already has, so someone's got to knock him down a peg or two. He's gorgeous and everyone—including him—knows it. I mean, what is it that little slut and her friends call him—dreamboat or something?"

"McDreamy."

"McDreamy my ass! More like McNightmare, McAsshole, McPain, McJerky."

Eyes widening, Addison said, "Oh come on, he's not _that_ bad."

Shooing her with a wave of her hand, Nancy said, "Trust me, this has nothing to do with how he's treated—or not treated—you, Addie. This has everything to do with how he is as a little brother. A pain in my butt. Handsome, but a pain. And yet, I still adore him, still love him," she said, the corner of her lips turning upward in a smile.

Nodding, Addison whispered, "I know."

Despite everything, Addison still loved her husband. Deeply. That's what hurt the most about this.

"He didn't come home with you, did he?"

Addison shook her head.

"He's got to come back sometime," mused his sister. "I mean, he can't avoid us, can't avoid New York forever."

"He shouldn't."

"I mean does he even remember that his _family_ is here? He's just too stubborn and prideful."

"And hurt," Addison pointed out.

"It's not like he'd have to stay at the Brownstone. I mean, he can stay with any one of us. The kids miss him. They miss you too, but I'm hoping the fact that you're here in town means you'll drop by for a visit?" Nancy's eyes were hopeful.

Addison hadn't planned that far, she didn't know how long she was staying or what, exactly, she'd be doing and while it might be awkward at first to see everyone again, they were family and damn it Addison missed them like crazy.

"If you're sure it's okay…"

"Addie, I said it, didn't I? Come on, no one is going to attack you. Even Cindy."

Addison laughed at that.

"We'll do dinner tomorrow at Mom's. Everyone was going to be there anyway."

Furrowing her brows, Addison tried to think of why everyone would be there. "Oh. Eric's birthday," she acknowledged, referring to her brother-in-law.

"Yup. It's not a party or anything, you know how he hates them. Just all of us and dinner…oh and cake and ice cream too, of course."

"Sure, I'll be there, just tell me what time."

"Great!" Nancy gave her a hug. "It'll be okay, Addie. Trust me."

Addison nodded and then Nancy asked, "Now, where are you staying?"

Addison hesitated, which Nancy picked up on. "I'm not going to tell Derek or anything. If he even bothers to call, it's been a while. Stupid man. But let me guess, you're staying with Savvy and Weiss?"

"You know me too well."

"I do. Well, why don't you invite them along, they're more than welcome."

"Okay. I'll let you know."

"Hey Nance? Is Edelstein in today?"

Nancy gave her a curious look and shook her head. "She's on vacation for the next two weeks, on a cruise to the Bahamas that bitch."

"God I've missed you, Nance."

Nancy laughed and said, "Why do you need to see her?"

Shaking her head, Addison said, "No reason."

This just made things more complicated without her trusted gynecologist around.

When Derek arrived in his office, he sat down and sifted through his Rolodex, looking for a specific number. He needed to talk to Addison.

The look on her face before she left was haunting him. He didn't know how to describe the emotions on her face, they were a myriad. He'd really ed things up. They both had, that's all he had been trying to say while they were arguing. But what if she wasn't willing to put up with him—with them—anymore? Would she really raise their child on her own or worst yet, have an abortion? He didn't want to contemplate that concept, but yet it was there. Another concept that he wasn't ready to contemplate niggled at a small space in the back of his mind—the thought of never seeing Addison again. Because there was a small possibility that no matter what she decided to do about the child—their child—that she would not return to Seattle and he'd never see her again. Although that was something he wanted when he first fled NYC to come here, although he was pissed off that she came here to _his_ territory, the fact is that she was familiar to him and she was still family. To lose that connection, after being together for a decade and a half and knowing each other longer was not what Derek wanted to think about.

The question is: where was she? The obvious answer was home in New York. Did he still think of New York as home? He pushed that question aside, Seattle had grown on him and there were too many memories that he didn't want to deal with at the moment in New York. Was she at the Brownstone? Their home, the place he caught her ing his best…ex-best friend? That thought sickened him. No, if he still knew Addison, she was most likely staying with Savvy and Weiss. Which meant that they wouldn't give an inch if he called asking for her. Yeah, Weiss had been one of his best friends and he adored Savvy too, but the fact is, their loyalties lied with Addison. He would get nothing from them but lies, if they even gave that much and he didn't want to make his friends lie.

Although it was a bit of a stretch, there was another place that Addison might retreat to. In fact, it was the perfect retreat location. When he found the number, he took a deep breath, exhaled, and then dialed the number.

"Oceanside Wellness Centre, Sam Bennett speaking."

"Sam."

"Yes. Who's this?"

Does he really not remember me? "Derek."

When Sam didn't say anything, he added, "Shepherd."

"I know who you are, Derek. I am just shocked to hear from you."

"Has it really been that long?"  
"It has."

"Oh. I'm sorry," Derek apologized and he meant it.

"Yeah, well, what can I do for you?" asked Sam, wondering what could make his old friend call him out of the blue.

"Is uh, is Addison there?"

"What?"

"In LA. Is Addison staying there with you, Naomi, and Maya?"

"Derek…"

"Look, I know she probably doesn't want to speak to me, but it's really important that I talk to her so if Addie is there, just let me know."

"She's not," his friend told him and by the tone of his voice, Derek knew it wasn't a lie.

"Oh. Well, if she calls you or Naomi, would you let me know?"

"I'm sorry, I can't."

"Can't, or won't?"

"Derek, Naomi and I…well there is no Naomi and I. We're not together anymore; we're getting a divorce."

If he wasn't sitting down already, Derek would have fallen. "What?" he asked in a surprised whisper.

Annoyed, Sam bit back, "If you bothered to pick up a phone or answered your damn emails, you would have known months ago. Addie knows."

She never said anything to him, a voice protested in his head.

"And before you get pissed at her, it wasn't her place to tell you. God, Derek, have you gotten that self-absorbed there in Seattle? Funny, considering I'm in LA and all."

"Sam, I'm…"

"Save it, I really am not up for this."

"Sam please," Derek implored his friend. "What happened with you and Naomi? What did she do?" he added thoughtlessly.  
Narrowing his eyes, Sam said, "Why is it you assume that Naomi did anything? Because of what Addison did to you with Mark? Yeah, well that's not the case here, okay? It's me."

"Oh," Derek whispered, swallowing. "But you and Naomi…"

"We what? We're not anymore. No more Derek and Addison, no more Sam and Naomi."

Derek's voice was hollow as he apologized.

"I have no idea what's going on right now with you and Addie, but I know she'll tell me if and when she's ready. The fact that you don't know where she is right now doesn't surprise me, given what you've put her through since she came to Seattle."

"You just know her side of it," Derek reminded Sam.

"I know enough. Anyways, I really am not up for this, I have a client coming in 10 minutes so I have to go."

"O…okay. Sorry to have bothered you."

"You didn't. Hey Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Just be glad you and Addie don't have any kids. They complicate things." With that, Sam hung up on him and Derek was left sitting in his chair with his mouth open.

Yeah, he knew all about kids complicating things…

He couldn't believe it. Sam and Naomi. Getting divorced. What the hell happened? And why was he so unaware? Had he been that shitty of a friend that he didn't even know that people he cared about were going through a divorce? Yeah, he _had_ been a shitty friend. Not to mention a shitty brother, son, and if he were admitting it, a shitty husband. No wonder Addison ran far away.

"Who's her substitute?" Addison finally asked Nancy.

"Who—oh Edelstein's? Cooper is filling in for her."

"Ugh," Addison moaned, not thinking highly of her former co-worker. Nancy had the same opinion of him.

"What's this about, Addie? You need a checkup or something?"

Nancy noticed when Addison averted her eyes. "Oh God. You…are you sick, it's not…"

"No," Addison's voice was firm and she shook her head. "It's not, I don't have any tumors or anything."

"Thank God," Nancy whispered to herself. She knew Addison's family history that her mother died of uterine cancer.

"I just, I don't have a doctor at Seattle Grace yet. And before you say anything, believe me I've been lectured enough by Savv and Richard and everyone else."

"Time for your annual?"

Shaking her head, Addison decided she couldn't hold it in any longer. She needed to see a doctor about her pregnancy and Nancy was the best. But beyond that, Addison _trusted_ her. It was just a conflict of interest, given that this baby was Nancy's (if she carried it to term) niece- or nephew-to-be, the father being her brother.

"Nancy, if I tell you something, do you promise me you won't share this with anyone else. And I mean it, not any of the girls or Mom?"

"Is it of a medical nature?"

Green eyes lighting up, Addison nodded. "Yes, that's it exactly. Doctor-patient confidentiality."

"Well why didn't you just say so earlier? Of course, you can come to me about anything, Addie, you know that."

"I know, it's just. Okay, here goes: I'm pregnant."

Nancy immediately broke out in a grin. "You are? Oh Addie that's wonderful!" she said, going over to give her sister-in-law another hug.

She noticed that Addison didn't exactly return the sentiment. Carefully eyeing her, she said, "It's not?"

"It's…I don't know. It's complicated, Nance. With Derek, our marriage, this baby only complicates things more. That's why I'm here, in New York. To get my mind wrapped around this and decide what to do."

"You couldn't do that in Seattle?"

"No. You don't know what it's like there, Nancy. Everyone is so damn judgmental and so gossipy. And beyond that, I can't breathe at the trailer anymore. It's just so tiny and there's no room for anything, let alone to think clearly. So I came here."  
"I see. Well, what can I do for you, to help you?"

Giving her a grateful look, Addison said, "I need an exam. I took a test, I know that I'm pregnant and believe me, the signs are there, but I don't know how far along I am. I don't know how it's progressing, if there's any complications, given what happened…the last time," she added softly.

"Of course. Well, I have another patient to attend to, but I will set something up and get you a room. Do you want to wait in here or?"

"Thank you, but I'll leave you alone. I'll go visit some other former colleagues. Hopefully Mark is operating and won't harass me."

Nancy laughed and promised to call Addison when she was free for the examination. In the meantime, Addison visited with some friends of hers in various departments of the hospital. A lot of questions were asked, and she answered them as diplomatically as she could. The two most asked questions was where was her husband and were they moving back to New York?

Two hours later, Addison had blood drawn, a pelvic exam, and was then prepped for the ultrasound. "Okay Addison," began Nancy. "You know the drill, the gel will feel pretty cold and then shortly after, we should see some movement on the screen."

Nodding, Addison told her that she remembered. Letting out a small "oh" when she felt the cold on her belly, Addison leaned over to take a close look at the screen as Nancy moved the ultrasound around.

"Ahh…there it is."

Addison grew emotional at the sight of her baby on the screen. "That's my baby."

"Yes. Little Mongtomery-Shepherd. Based on everything we went over and what it looks like on-screen, I'd say you're approximately eight weeks pregnant."

Eight? Then that means we conceived when…she let out a small grin as she remembered the night.

"The fetus is about the size of a lima bean. All organs, muscles, and nerves are beginning to function. Though you won't feel anything for several weeks, the fetus is constantly shifting its position inside you. Pretty soon, its eyelids will grow and cover his or her eyes. Lungs are developing, arms and legs are lengthening. Though you can't hear it, you can see the heartbeat on the screen." Nancy moved the ultrasound wand around more until the heartbeat was reached.

"That's…oh my God," Addison said tearfully.

Nancy explained a few more things, which obviously Addison knew but she went through anyway, and then she gave her sister-in-law some privacy while she changed. Hands shaking, Addison slowly changed into her clothes, her mind on the image on the screen. When Nancy came back, she handed Addison a slim DVD case and a printed image of the ultrasound.

"Thank you," Addison said, her voice choked up.

"Are you okay, Addie?" Nancy asked in concern.

Shaking her head, Addison admitted, "No. But I will be. Eventually. I just…that's our baby, mine and Derek's."

"I know, sweetie." Nancy gave her a big hug and then went to retrieve a bunch of pamphlets, explaining that even though Addison knew the drill, she _had_ to give her the information. She also wrote a script for prenatal vitamins. Addison thanked her once more and left after promising her that she would be at the Shepherd family dinner tomorrow night.

Her mind obviously elsewhere, Addison wasn't paying attention as she walked through the corridors of the hospital and before she knew it, chests collided and her purse fell, all the contents spilled on the ground.

"Dammit," she muttered.

"Addison?" Mark Sloan asked in surprise.

Groaning, Addison scrambled to pick up the contents of her purse. She managed to get most of it, but Mark had bent down to help her out and picked up one of the scripts. His eyes glued themselves to what was on there. He was a doctor, he knew what that meant.

"You're pregnant," he said in a low voice.

"Yes," she stated, avoiding eye contact with him.

Pregnant. She's pregnant. With Derek's child.


	12. Chapter 12

_**"Wise Up" 12/? Derek/Addison**_  
**Author's Note:** Wow, I'm actually posting an update _before_ midnight, EST. ;) That's because outside of some coding, I finished writing the fic at work today (shhh). It's funny, I have a Sony Walkman™ with a TV band and the Oprah repeat was her set visit to GA so I was writing about Grey's while listening. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this update, I think there will be some satisfied readers with this one (crosses fingers)! As always, thanks to all who read and those of you who review. Much appreciated!

_Lady Forga72--EEE thank you! As far as an Addek reunion, we'll see. It'll take some time, lol._

_Loves2WriteStories--__ Aww, me too. There will be more of them in the future! (Though not in this chapter, sorry!)_

_crazy-chica6--__ Nancy loves her brother as she's said but he's been a lousy brother! LOL let's hope Derek is starting to "Wise Up." ;)_

_McAddekluvrrr-- Aren't they great? LOL everyone seems to want Derek to get his a back in N.Y. but I think it would be weird if all of a sudden he just went there. This is Derek we're talking about. :p Ps: Awesome, well thanks for letting me "borrow" your name, unwittingly or not! ;)_

_Richiey--__ Aww, Richiey I'm sorry it's a struggle! Believe me I'm finding it hard to balance the fact that I don't hate Mark and could be open to Maddison with the facts of him cheating on her and being a jerk to her (much like her husband, lol) and the fact that this is an Addek fic. Like I told Christa, maybe I'll have to write Maddison next. Thanks for continuing to read and review!_

_SkierGal--_ _He can be a jerk but what man in her life (Derek/Mark/Alex) isn't? Hee. He serves a purpose, just remember that!_

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 12  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

"You're pregnant," a stunned Mark repeated, his eyes skimming over her body to see if he could make out any of the physical changes, but except for looking more tired, he didn't notice any difference. She must not be far along, he thought to himself.

Turning to face him, Addison repeated, "Yes. I am." She had turned away when Mark initially asked not because she was ashamed to be carrying her husband's child, but because she was tired. Tired and frustrated. And she didn't want to deal with a bombardment of questions from _Mark_ of all people. It was none of his business.

Blurting out the first thing he thought of, he asked, "How did that happen?"

Giving a sarcastic chuckle, Addison retorted, "Gee Mark, you're a doctor, figure it out. How do you think it happened?"

"But I thought…" his voice trailed off, not sure if he wanted Addison to know what he thought—or didn't—think about her marriage.

"You thought Derek and I weren't sleeping together? Really?"

He shrugged. "He's my husband, Mark," she reminded him in an even tone.

"He sure as hell isn't acting like it. Or he wasn't when I showed up."

"Oh yeah, when you showed up to bring me back to New York, that worked so well, didn't it?"

"You're here now," he pointed out.

"I came here to visit."

"Savvy and Weiss? Nancy? Everyone else? Why is it that your _husband_ isn't here?" he demurred, his tone sardonic as he said 'husband.'

"Why is it any of your business, Mark?"

"Because I care about you, Addison. Damn it don't you know how much? Do you think you're the only one who lost out when Derek found us together? I lost my _best_ friend of over thirty fucking years, Addison! He was more than my friend, he was my brother!"

"And yet you had no qualms sleeping with his wife."

Shaking his head, Mark stepped closer near her. "That's not how it was and you know it. I loved you. I still love you. You were miserable. He ignored you for so long. He forgot all the special occasions. He wasn't there for you when you were in pain and needed him. He wasn't there for you on the anniversary of…"

Shaking her head so tears wouldn't fall she said, "Damn it Mark. Don't. Don't you dare bring that up. I told Derek he can't use that as a way to guilt me and don't you dare either."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I was just trying to make a point."

"Duly noted. Now can I go?"

"What are you going to do about it, Addison? I mean, are you going to stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of the baby? How is that going to be any good for you let alone the baby?"

"You don't know what you're saying."

"Addison, I was there. I saw him. He punched my lights out because he was pissed at me and not because of the fact that I slept with you or the fact that I was talking to you or there to bring you back home, but because I was talking to his precious Meredith Grey."

Clenching her teeth, Addison was stoic as she said, "Yeah well things change, Mark. You should know that better than most."

"Fair enough. But I don't think they've changed that much, otherwise you wouldn't be here or _he_ would be here with you. How the hell can that jackass not be by your side now? He should be here with you while you go to your appointments with Nancy or whoever your doctor will be. He should be supporting you, making sure that you are getting enough sleep—and I can tell by those bags under your eyes that you're not—and making sure that you are not overly stressed or working too hard. He should be making sure you're eating enough and getting vitamins and milk and everything else. He should be there. I can't believe he's not doing everything in his power to make sure you are taking care of yourself and that baby."

"You're assuming quite a bit. Maybe I told him I didn't want him there."

"Then good for you. But someone needs to take care of you."

"Someone meaning you?"

"Yes." He was firm and he meant it—at least he thought he did.

Shaking her head, she told him, "Oh Mark you're not ready to be a stand-in father."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you. You're not. You may mean all well and good right now but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of day-to-day fatherhood? That's a different story. And like it or not, Derek is the father, so if I have the baby and he wants to be involved, then he will be, regardless of the state of our marriage."

He sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get through to her.

"I have to go. Good-bye, Mark." With a toss of her hair over her shoulders and a click of her heels, Addison departed the hospital, leaving Mark standing in his place, mulling over what she said about him.

Was she right? Was he not father material? Mark honestly didn't know the answer to that question.

After leaving Mt. Sinai, Addison got a cab and told the driver to drop her off at Central Park. She needed to calm down after the confrontation with Mark. She also needed to think and breathe, after all that was why she was in Manhattan in the first place.

Unfortunately, there were so many memories associated with the park. Mostly memories of her and Derek. When they were best friends, when they were dating, when they were engaged, and finally when they were happily married. So many wonderful moments were spent there.

Slouching down on a bench, Addison closed her eyes and her mind flashed to a time when she and Derek were there, talking about the future. It was a warm Sunday afternoon and they had brought a picnic basket filled with goodies for lunch and a blanket to sit on as they enjoyed each other's company. "Hey baby Shepherd, how are you doing? You know, Mommy and I have a lot of plans for you," Derek had said to her stomach.

"Derek, don't put pressure on our child in utero!" she teased him with a laugh.

"What, why can't I tell him or her that I want him or her to be an astro-physicist? That's not asking a lot, is it?"

"That's a lot to strive for, babe. And we have to stop with this him or her. It's confusing. What if it's a hermaphrodite?"

"Addison!" he said in mock shock.

"Well, it could happen," she reminded him with a giggle.

"Don't listen to your Mommy, baby. You'll be perfect, we know it."

He laid his head on her chest and he could hear her strong heartbeat and he grinned, knowing that one day soon he'd be hearing their child's heartbeat. She gently stroked his hair and kissed his forehead. "Well, kiddo, Daddy's right. No matter if you're a girl or boy or have a horned tail, you'll be perfect and we'll love you. Scratch that, we already do."

"Horned tail, Addison?"

"What?" she asked coyly.

"If you weren't pregnant I'd bop you."

"Bop me? Oh Derek I'm sooo scared."

"You'd better be. I had four sisters. How do you think I got my point across—oh wait, they were the ones bopping me on the head with their purses all the time," he recalled with a groan to which his wife merely laughed.

Playfully glaring at her he said, "I don't know why those things weigh so much. I mean what do you put in there—everything but the kitchen sink?"

"That's our prerogative as women, Derek. To fill our purses full of things we likely won't use on a given day but you never know so we have to be prepared. Guys just don't understand."

"Guess not," he said, stroking her side.

"Baby Girl Shepherd will understand."

"Oh now it's Baby Girl?"

"That's right," Addison said with a nod. "Call it mother's intuition. And the fact that a purse on a guy is not exactly manly."

"So says the woman who makes me hold her purse for her," he muttered under his breath.

"Because I'm busy holding other things and your hands are free."

"Oh so you're fine with emasculating me?"

"Shut up and kiss me, Derek 'Macho Man' Shepherd," she ordered and he complied.

"I love you, Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd," he informed her after the kiss ended, his eyes shining with love.

"And I love you Derek Patrick Shepherd. And I love Cate or Patrick too." He moved over so he could cuddle with her and they sat their with their hands entwined, saying nothing and just enjoying the moment of being there, together and anticipating the wonderful future they were going to have.

Shaking her head out of reverie, Addison blinked back some tears that were beginning to form. _I'm not going to cry_ she chanted to herself. Wrapping her arms around her abdomen, Addison looked down and whispered, "I miss your brother or sister. So much. Your daddy does too, Little One. And I miss him. I miss us. I don't know what's going to happen to us. To any of us."

Addison sat on the bench, staring at the darkening sky. It's going to rain soon, she mused. She was deep in thought about the baby and the future. Many different scenarios were running in her head. Making a go of it with Derek and being a happy family with the baby, having Derek hate her for the rest of her life for Mark and not being able to get past it, Derek leaving her for Meredith while she was pregnant because Meredith was young and unbelievably skinny and she wouldn't be much longer. Meredith and Derek raising her child. No, that would not happen, she told herself. She would never allow Meredith Grey to raise her child.

Sighing, she realized it was a possibility. If things continued to move south with them and they got a divorce, there was a likelihood that Derek would remarry and the young intern would be their child's stepmother. The thought made her queasy.

Derek was _her_ husband, not Meredith's. Derek and Addison had spent nearly half their lives together in one shape or another. How could that be tossed aside for the flavor of the month? How could she let him go? How could she live a life without Derek Shepherd in it?

As scary as that notion was, Addison knew she could do it. She was Addison Forbes Montgomery, damn it and she could do it. She was strong, she was intelligent, she was beautiful, she was a well-respected neonatal surgeon with other specialties attached and many accolades to her name and articles in medical journals, articles written about her and _by_ her. Money was not an object and not just because of what she'd inherited from her parents but because of what she made as a living. Hell if Addison wanted, she could quit work and be a full-time mother. Although she didn't really think she could give up her job, certainly not permanently. She'd have a support system. She could easily move back to Manhattan and get a job if not at Mt. Sinai somewhere nearby and she could get a new place because she was not about to move back into the Brownstone and she'd have Savvy and Weiss as honorary aunt and uncle to her baby and she knew that she would have the support of Derek's mother and Nancy, if not the rest of his family and she had her own family too and other friends. Friends like Naomi and Sam…no, there's no more Naomi and Sam, she said with a sigh. They're getting a divorce. But still, she knew she could count on them and they had experience with their own daughter, Addison's goddaughter, Maya.

Addison had always been an independent woman and she would be again. She didn't need the title of Mrs. Derek Shepherd, she didn't need the postscript to _her_ name. She didn't need any of it.

What if he insisted she stay in Seattle because of the baby? Make her live there because he did? Would he go after custody? That idea made her skin crawl. It was her baby and she wouldn't let anyone take it away. If she stayed in Seattle, she had people. A strange assortment of people, but people nonetheless. Richard and Adele were good friends, almost like surrogate parents, and surely they'd help her. And she had others. Miranda Bailey. Addison's lip twisted in a smile as she thought of the Nazi who was really a kind woman and who adored kids, particularly Tuck whom Addison delivered. Their kids could even be friends one day. Much to the chagrin of Yang, she had Preston Burke on her side. And then there was Dr. Callie Torres, a new possibility of a friend, someone who was tough and didn't take any bull but someone who was very caring. And George would undoubtedly treat her well through her pregnancy. If she stayed behind in Seattle maybe she should request him more often than Karev who would surely drive her crazy.

Bottom line, it doesn't really matter where she lives. Addison could make it work on her own and that knowledge was a major relief to her.

As hard as it was to envision a future Derek-free, Addison found it nearly impossible to envision a future without the baby. Could she really have an abortion when she had wanted to be a mother for as long as she could remember? She didn't know if she'd said those words to Derek as a way to lash out at him or if she really meant it. She could terminate, she still had time and she always believed in a woman's choice. It would solve some things. Like Derek forcing himself to be the "bigger man" and stay with her for the sake of the child. There were other reasons too, but ultimately, Addison knew where she stood. She had known it all along, she just needed to voice it.

"Hey Little One, it's your Mommy. No matter if your Daddy hates me or not, no matter where we live, you and I will be OK. I promise you. You and me against the world, kiddo." She held on tightly and felt a weight lifted.

Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd was going to be a mother! A loud rumble erupted in the sky and then rain started to fall and instead of getting upset, Addison laughed as it hit her and then ran to hail a taxi.

"Are you all right, Addison?" Savvy asked when her friend entered her home dripping wet, an unreadable expression on her face.

"I'm fine, Savv. No, I'm better than fine. I'm going to be a Mom, Sweet Savvannah. And you? You're going to be the best Aunt ever," she sang.

Blinking rapidly, Savvy digested the news and then a large grin spread on her face. "I think I can handle that, Addieface." She leaned over and gave her friend a hug and then told her to change out of her wet clothes and Addison did as instructed.

She still was nervous and worried and wasn't very sure what route to take next, but a big step was made that afternoon.

Derek Shepherd couldn't recall the last time he felt so alone. Growing up with four sisters and a pack of extended family, not to mention his share of friends, Derek never had a lack of companionship. Being married to Addison was the ultimate form of companionship. She would always be there for him. He could always count on her. Until the night he caught her fucking his best friend in their bed, on his favorite sheets.  
At that moment, he knew he could no longer count on the two people he always thought would be there—his wife and his best friend.

Derek maneuvered around the trailer which oddly felt smaller without Addison in there as he cooked the fish he had caught the night before. After Addison left, Derek didn't know what to do, so he went fishing hoping to clear his mind. It didn't work but at least it gave him a meal for the next day. The aroma of fish filled the trailer and Derek couldn't help but recall how much Addison hated it. "No trout for you," he'd told her that one time she'd complained. He also remembered more recently how she got sick from the smell and he didn't do anything for her. He didn't comfort her, didn't take care of her. He didn't really worry about her. And that was before they knew she was pregnant. No wonder she was so pissed at him. He'd been so inattentive to his wife.

There was no one he could go to talk about what was on his mind. The one person he _should_ be able to go to was Mark, but Mark is the one who set this whole thing in motion. What kind of man sleeps with his best friend's wife? No, Derek amended, what kind of man would sleep with the wife of a man he'd been friends with for over _thirty_ years? A man who thought of him as a brother? A man who brought him into the fold of his family because let's face it, his family wasn't the greatest. Derek and the rest of the Shepherd clan loved him and took care of him when his own family was unwilling or unable. And how was that repaid? With an eyeful. If Derek would have ever imagined Addison sleeping with someone, it would not have been with Mark. She knew how much they meant to each other. And Mark, Mark knew.

When Mark was in Seattle a few months ago, to win Addison back, Derek knew it went beyond a one-night stand. Not that he ever asked for the details because he wasn't that much of a masochist—then again, maybe he was. But he was led to believe it had just happened that night, it wasn't going on for months or hell even years behind his back. Which fine, that did make it easier. But Mark had feelings for Addison that much Derek could tell, finally. He idly wondered if those feelings were there all along, if he'd avoided the signs. Mark and Addison got along really well. At first meeting, they were wary of each other. Mark because he didn't like the idea of this woman coming between him and Derek and their history, Addison because she couldn't believe Derek could be best friends with someone so shallow. The two were very competitive with each other in the classroom, with Addison usually being the smarter of the two. He couldn't pinpoint when they went from this wariness to mutual respect and eventually admiration, but they had. The truth was, Mark wasn't just superficial. He was someone who had the capacity to be very caring and kind and had a lot of other great attributes. They were just hidden. But Addison saw through his narcissism and found him to be a good friend. And Mark realized that Addison wasn't going to monopolize all of Derek's time, that Derek had enough room in his life for both of them. When that happened, they became this unstoppable Trio.

But now, like many other things in Derek's life, they were no longer. They would never ever again be MarkDerekandAddison. As much as he put on his scorned husband face, Derek was really hurt about that fact. These were the two people he depended on most in his life. And they betrayed him, with each other.

While there was still a chance to "save" things with Addison, Derek didn't feel that there would be with Mark. So Derek would never call him and spill his guts about Addison and the baby. Besides, Mark was on Addison's side these days and he'd probably chew Derek out for his attitude. A far cry from the man who was to be their first child's godfather.

Godfather, Derek deadpanned. Yeah, that is so not happening. Unless Weiss…

Pulling a beer out of the fridge, Derek took off the cap and took a big gulp as he tried to think of someone he could go to. Richard, there was Richard. But Derek was no idiot. As much as he knew Richard cared about him, he knew that Richard loved Addison more. How the hell was that? She cheated on him and yet she was the one with the sympathetic friends—friends that used to be _theirs_. Plus even if Richard were understanding and on his side, the fact was that Richard's own estranged wife, Adele, would definitely be on Addison's side.

That left…who? Burke? Clearly, he was on Addison's side too. Even though Derek had thought, at one point that they were friends. But Burke didn't allow Derek to call him by his first name. Yet it was fine that Satan did…Satan. Derek didn't know if that name fit Addison anymore. If she was Satan, then what did that make him? And what did that make their baby? Evil spawn? Shaking his head, he remembered that the interns called Karev that.

Miranda Bailey had, on occasion, been an ear and been someone who didn't completely hate him, but there again his wife had him beat. Addison and Bailey had become friends of late and as Miranda said, "baby trumps husband." Go figure.

Derek had no relationship with O'Malley, Karev, or the other interns. They would be on Meredith's side. Meredith…

Obviously Derek could not go to _her_ with his Addison-and-baby dilemma. She'd be so hurt to find out that Addison was pregnant. Hell, he could tell by their run-in the elevator today that she secretly (or not-so-secretly) wished that the Shepherds were getting a divorce. If she thought they had any hope, a baby would put a severe cramp on that.

While he was eating his meal in silence, silence that wasn't comfortable but instead suffocating, Derek looked around the trailer. It was supposed to be his get-away from Manhattan, from Addison (and Mark) and every painful memory. It was supposed to be _his_. Eventually his and Meredith's. Addison returning changed everything. Addison's fingerprints were all over the trailer, as tiny as it was. He could smell her expensive perfume in the sheets last night when he tried, in vain, to fall asleep in their bed. Their bed…when did he begin to think of it as theirs? This morning when he was looking for something in the closet that was overstocked, a box fell down and hit him on the shoulder. A box of her shoes. The woman loved her shoes. On the stand next to the bed was one of her many crossword puzzle books. Her makeup littered the small space of the bathroom. She'd taken off a bracelet the other night and left it on the kitchen counter. Setting his plate in the sink after rinsing it, Derek picked up the bracelet and fingered it. It was one he'd given her. So many years ago. It wasn't the nicest bracelet. It certainly wasn't the most expensive one she owned or he'd given her. It was one of the first pieces of jewelry he'd bought her when they were dating so many years ago, before he had the money to afford something better. When he was able to afford it, he'd told her to get rid of that one, she didn't need to keep it. She had shaken her head, adamant that she would keep it and continue to wear it. It wasn't the cost of the gift, she'd told him; it was the meaning of it. He got it for her because he knew she'd like it as it reminded her of one that her mother let her play with as a child. True to her word, he'd find her wearing it from time-to-time and it always made him smile.

She still kept it, he whispered to no one.

After doing the dishes, Derek went outside to get some fresh air. It was a beautiful night, the stars were out in full effect and there was a light drizzle. Derek sat in his favorite chair and looked around, and it was after ten minutes of sitting there when he realized that he was looking for _her_. He was hoping that he would hear the roar of her silver Mercedes, signaling that she was nearly there. It started raining more and Derek's mind couldn't help but flash to last Thanksgiving when Addison was the one sitting outside in the rain, waiting for him to appear. As he had pulled up to the trailer in his jeep, Derek had been more than surprised to see his wife out there, looking so lost and alone. He couldn't believe she waited up for him. "Derek, are you done? Hurting me back? " was her question of the night. "I mean cause I need to know. Cause if not ... I gotta special order a thicker skin or something." The tears were evident, the vulnerability leaking out of her, despite how he knew it was tearing her up because she didn't want to show him her vulnerable side. The moon was out and looking at his wife whose hair was damp, she looked so beautiful, he wanted her. And then he leaned in, telling her "No anesthesia in sight….here we go" and he kissed her. Thoroughly. And they'd made love for the first time since Mark…and Meredith.

As satisfying as the sex had been, something had been off, something missing and he found himself picturing Meredith's face on Addison's body. Derek wondered if she was picturing Mark's face but no, he could tell by how she was …reacting…to him that he was the only one on her mind. When she moaned his name in the shower it was him. So what was wrong with him? They'd both cheated and they hadn't been together in months and when they had, why is it he pictured Meredith?

Stretching a tense leg, Derek had no answer to these questions. Exhaling, he looked out the road and wondered when Addison was going to return, if she would. And as much as it pained him to even question it, he also wondered if she did return, would she still be pregnant? Was she going to keep the baby or would she actually get an abortion and do it with him none the wiser? That would be cruel, even for her, but it was her prerogative.

Still, there was something within him that said Addison would never do it, she would never abort their baby. She loved babies and it had devastated her—them both—when she lost their first child.

Ever since he found out the possibility of her being pregnant again, he couldn't help but think about their first child and compare one pregnancy to another. Compare everything. There was no comparison. Everything was going so well with them personally and professionally when she was pregnant the first time. Sure, it was sooner than they'd anticipated starting a family, but they would be ready for it and they embraced it fully. Now? The only thing that was going well for them was their careers. Everything else was up in the air.

Derek had so many questions for Addison that he needed answers for. Was she going to keep the baby? Was she going to stay in Seattle and try to make their marriage work? Would she take him back after the way he treated her? Would she ask for a divorce and run back into Mark's waiting arms? Oh God…the thought just occurred to him, if she did go to Mark, Mark could possibly raise their baby. The thought nearly made him sick. Mark Sloan raising a child? Mark Sloan raising _Derek_'s child? No, he couldn't let that happen, he wouldn't. He'd refuse to allow it. No other man would be this child's father but him. Yet he knew that if they did divorce, that would leave Addison free to marry another some day, giving the baby a stepfather, leaving him out in the cold. Derek didn't want to imagine his wife with another man be it Mark or anyone else. Addison was _his wife_, dammit! He could always sue for custody though and if he brought up the affair…no, he couldn't. Derek could not do that to Addison but even more, he couldn't do that to the baby. If he knew anything he knew that Addison was going to make one wonderful mother and their child deserved to be raised by her.

So that left single-parenting. There was the possibility that Addison would keep the child but move back to New York and raise it there and could he blame her? His family was there and of course his mother would be over the moon to have another grandchild (_Finally, Derek_, she'd say to him) and his sisters would be happy to have a new niece or nephew. Her family was there too and they'd all be pleased and would support Addison. And Savvy and Weiss were there and would undoubtedly play a big role in their lives. Maybe Addison would get her job back at Mt. Sinai. But then that meant she would run into Mark all the time because Mark still worked there. He didn't want to think of Mark having any role in this baby's life.

Another possibility, though slim, was that Addison would return to Seattle and raise the baby there. After all, she was building quite a repertoire of friends. The Webbers would be surrogate grandparents. It could work. Addison could remain at Seattle Grace and…then what? It would make things very awkward and unpleasant but if Derek wanted to play an active role in his child's life, he'd—they'd—have to get over it.

Closing his eyes, Derek could picture himself teaching a little boy how to fish in the pond or building a dollhouse for a little girl. A little girl with Addison's fiery hair and his dimples. Or a little boy with Derek's curly hair and Addison's eyes. They would have one gorgeous child that much Derek knew. And he or she would never want for love. It could work…couldn't it?

"God, why isn't there anyone who can tell me 'yes, Derek, things will be okay'? Why am I all alone?" he asked aloud.

Getting no response other than a rumble of thunder and rain pouring down on him, Derek went back into the trailer alone and miserable.

I don't have anyone, he said to himself as he climbed under the sheets.

That's not true, Derek, a voice whispered. You have your mom and your family. The voice was right. His mother would always be on his side. And so would his sisters. Yeah, they loved Addison and that wouldn't stop but he was blood that had to count for something, right? As he drifted to sleep, Derek resolved to request some time off work, starting tomorrow, so he could visit his family. Return to New York.


	13. Chapter 13

_**"Wise Up" 13/?**_  
**Author's Note:** Sorry it's been over two weeks this time. :( I've had a lot of RL stuff going on and when I get online (which many times is after 10 PM), I just am not up to the angst of my own story, lol. But to make up, this is a pretty long one. I want to thank you all for your support of this story it means a lot. And I have to say I was initially nervous that it wouldn't be received well because there's a lot of introspection, lot of inner-monologues, a lot of feelings-analysis, and not a lot of action but you've been great. I know that it tries your patience (mine too!) but I hope you'll stay along for the ride.

_Ladyforga72: Yay for Derek finally getting a clue! Sorry the update wasn't soon._

_Lanie Croft: I so appreciate you saying that about their inner monologues! I'm glad that is clicking with you. Of course, I couldn't kill an FHB! I don't hate Mark, personally, but he is not right for her (in this story, definitely). Introspective Derek is really interesting. We don't get it at all on the show which really sucks for the fans and for the character to not be more dimensional. Yeah, however mad he might be at Addison or hurt, he couldn't take their child from her and that was good to hear. LOL it did take him a while but I can't just make him hop up the minute she left, you know?_

_Lovestowritestories: Glad you liked it and LMAO loving when Derek realized he was all alone._

_crazy-chica6: Well I don't mind if you're incoherent, I just hope that was a good reaction and not bad? LOL_

_esnad: Yes, they're both back in New York without knowing it! Since it started in NY I thought it was important they go back and face things._

_TiaforGreys: Yay for loving it. Sorry the update wasn't soon. :( Addek is love._

_Richiey: Heh, he does tend to pity himself, doesn't he? I find that to be in character for him (least I hope it is). And Addie rocks and I'm glad she kept the baby too._

_skiergal: I had hoped there would be some cheering going on for him getting his a in gear, lol. And yes, I agree with that second part. OMG it made me ill when they showed that on-screen! Finally Derek and Addison had sex and then he pictures Meredith instead? GRRR…_

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 13  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

Richard Webber had not been thrilled when Derek Shepherd called him the next morning, requesting time off for "personal reasons." The Chief had already lost one star surgeon (albeit temporarily, he hoped), he did not want to lose another. However, when Derek explained that a trip to New York to see his family was in order, Richard relented. He knew that Derek hadn't returned to Manhattan since the night he fled to Seattle, it was high time the man sucked it up and went back. Richard thought highly of the Shepherds and if anyone could straighten Derek out, it was Mrs. Shepherd, his mother. There was also the fact that Richard was keenly cognizant of where Addison was. Maybe when Derek returned to Seattle Grace, he'd bring Addie back and things could improve. He still held out hope for those two.

After calling Richard, Derek managed to acquire a seat on an early flight to New York. Only he was unable to get first class seating, so he had to deal with coach. Times like these reminded him that he could be a snob. Derek liked the finer things in life, he'd worked damn hard to be able to afford such luxuries, it was his _right_ to enjoy them. Yet he recognized a dichotomy between that Derek, styled and sophisticated and the Derek Shepherd who grew up in a middle-class Irish-American household. The Derek who loved chopping wood, living in a trailer in the woods, wearing flannel (!) was one side of him. The other Derek loved the theater, flying first class, living in a fancy (but homey) brownstone in the Upper West Side of Manhattan, wearing designer duds. Some would say the two were so different and yet they both were so much of who he was.

When he moved to Seattle, Derek wanted a 'do-over' of his life, so he attempted to stifle and hide that other part of himself. He even went so far as to deny to himself that he was those things, that he had another life which he left behind. A life which included a big family, incredible friends, great colleagues…and something very important: a wife. Derek couldn't remember his wife. Because if he did, then he'd remember what led him to Seattle in the first place. So he compartmentalized. It worked for a while. He was this mysterious, handsome doctor that all the women clamored for, he was the man with an impressive medical standing that awed co-workers. He was good with his patients. And he was, oh yeah, 'dreamy.' Having that attention lavished upon him, even though he laughed it off at first, was enjoyable. Everyone back home would have scoffed at the whole "Dr. McDreamy" nickname, especially his wife. She had never worshipped him, so the attention from Meredith Grey was flattering indeed. The young, beautiful, impressionable intern thought he could do no wrong. But she didn't know who he was.

As much as he tried to forget about Manhattan, there were times when Derek was alone at the trailer—particularly at 2 in the morning—when his mind would wander to the life and people he left behind. The guilt would gnaw at him, but he would remind himself what he caught Addison and Mark doing and that would alleviate the guilt until the next time. In the three months that he'd been in Seattle, it never once dawned on him to ask Addison for a divorce. Hell he could have demanded it at that point and she wouldn't have a leg to stand on. But he didn't. He just put her aside and figured he'd deal with her eventually…one day. All of that was shot to hell when she strolled into the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital.

Given the shaky ground they were at when she reappeared, Derek could hardly believe that it'd been a year now since he caught them and in-between he'd had an affair with an intern, she'd moved back, they went to marriage counseling, there was fighting, sex, coldness, hurt, pain, fear, and now she was pregnant.

It might be selfish of him, but Derek wanted this baby. He wanted children, always, and _Addison_ was the one he wanted them with. Losing their first child had torn him—them both—apart but after a certain point he was ready to try again, but she wasn't. And then he started resenting her and her attitude and so he did what he did best, he starting closing himself off, distancing himself from her. He knew it hurt her and he didn't want to see that in her eyes. So he avoided her. Or picked fights with her. He worked as many hours as he could, though his chief of staff at Mt. Sinai was often on his case to get himself home. But home was where Addison lived. So he slept at the hospital. And when there was an event that he and his wife were required to attend, he would schedule surgeries and then ask Mark to go in his place. "Mark, there's this dinner we're supposed to go to but I can't." "Mark, there's this dance, you know the fundraiser? I have surgery, take Addison." "Mark…" It got to the point where he was asking Mark to "fill in" on the personal occasions too. "My secretary got her a gift…would you give it to her for her birthday, Mark? Maybe take her to dinner?" "Mark, why don't you bring Addie to Mom's for Thanksgiving?" "Mark, why don't you go with Addie to Kathleen's for Scotty's birthday party?" "Mark…you're my best friend. You stood up for me at my wedding—could you tell Addison I am so sorry but something came up and I can't make the anniversary date? Take her out, please."

Slouching down in his seat, Derek ran his hands over his face. God, he had been such an asshole. He missed out on so many occasions—professional and personal—with his _wife_ and he asked his best friend to fill in! Could he really be that shocked that they'd (or at least Mark) developed feelings for each other? How could Mark not look at Addison with anything but love? She was this tall, gorgeous redhead who was strong, compassionate, a talented, dedicated surgeon, someone who loved family (hers and his) and friends, someone who was fiercely protective of those she loved, and probably the most intelligent person he'd ever met. She was astonishing. And Derek knew that and he threw it away. As much as it killed him to admit it to himself, he knew that he was a big part of why Addison strayed and why Mark fell for her. He pushed them towards each other. And that night, of _all nights_, Addison was especially vulnerable. She practically pleaded with him to come home and be with her, there were tears in her eyes. She told him she knew that things weren't good and she wanted to work on them and she wanted to talk about…but he brushed her off with what had become his patented "Not now, Addison" and then "We'll talk later, Addison." Finally, "I've got an OR booked all afternoon and night, Addison…Mark will stop by." The minute he said those words, her entire demeanor changed. He knew he crushed her, but she would not give him the satisfaction. Instead of crying, she stood up straight, stiffening her body and said "Fine, Derek" and walked away without looking at him. She studiously avoided him the rest of the day.

Derek did, however, feel guilty. He thought of something his mother had told him a few years earlier and it got to him. So he had someone else take over his surgeries and then he went out and bought Addison her favorite bouquet of flowers. He knew he had a lot to make up for and it wouldn't happen overnight, but they would start that night. He would go home, pick Addison up and just hold her. Comfort her. Whisper how sorry he was that she had to go through that alone. He'd take her to the cemetery if she wanted. Or he would make her dinner because he was sure she wouldn't be in the frame of mind to eat. He would just _be there_ for her and maybe it would start to heal them, heal _him_. Addison had brought up marriage counseling on a few occasions and his sisters strongly encouraged it, but he'd always been opposed. If she still wanted, he would agree to try.

All of those promises, all of those plans flew out the window when he ran inside from the torrential downpour and first saw that familiar jacket on a step leading to the second floor and then a tie on another step. He knew that jacket…it was _his_. Mark's. He tried to ignore the feeling of dread that overcame him but his heart was pounding and he picked up the tie and jacket and he ran upstairs and then he heard…he heard her moaning. He heard noises that she was only supposed to make for _him_. He saw a bottle of wine outside the door and it was empty. He heard Mark whispering to her and she was giggling, slurring her words. Words like "I'm not druuuuuuuuunk, Mark" and Mark said, "Yes you are, Addison." "No…I'm hurt, Mark, he hurt me. Why does he always hurt me?" "Shhh," hushed Mark. "He doesn't love me anymore, why doesn't Derek love me anymore?" she whimpered. "I love you, Addison," Mark said. "But Dere—Derek…" she protested ignoring his declaration of love. The minute Derek heard her slur his own name, he thrust open the door and walked in on them…

Mark was still…on top of her and didn't hear the door, so he didn't know they had been interrupted but Addison's eyes widened in horror, fear, and…regret? Immediately she jumped up, pushing Mark off of her, calling out his name. "Derek, please…Derek." At that, Mark quickly grabbed his clothes. "Derek…" he began but one look from him shut Mark up. Mark glanced over at a disheveled Addison before leaving the house. Derek gave Addison a look of pure disgust before grabbing the tie and jacket along with Addison's strewn clothes. "Get out. Get out! Get out of my house!" he yelled at her.

"No," she'd whispered at first. "It's _our_ house, Derek. Derek please, let me explain."

He would have none of it, instead shoving her out in the pouring rain in only a nightshirt and then he threw her clothes at her. She pounded her fists on the door and he could hear her sobs, hear her screaming his name over and over.

Something in him couldn't just leave her that so he opened the door and let her cling to him, sopping wet, but he stood there motionless.

After a few minutes of Addison's slurred attempt to explain and apologize, Derek tersely spat, "There is no Derek and Addison anymore" before leaving the house—leaving her—behind. Her wails grew louder as he stood in the rain, hailing a taxi to take him to JFK.

Derek could feel the anger and pain seep back in at those memories. He knew that the minute he stepped foot at JFK Airport they would flood him.

This was why Derek desperately needed his family. He needed his mother's soothing voice. Needed Shannon's comforting hug. Needed Nancy's teasing. Needed Kathleen's knowing advice. Needed to hear Cindy call Mark a bastard and Addison a bitch…well, maybe not the latter but definitely the former. He just needed family.

Shutting his eyes for the remainder of the flight, Derek willed himself not to let the memories engulf him.

"Adds, you look good today," Weiss told her over lunch at one of her favorite deli's.

"Is that your polite way of saying I looked like shit the past couple of days?" wondered Addison as she sipped green tea.

"Well…"

Addison laughed at him. "It's okay, Weiss. I know I looked like crap. I felt like crap."

"But not anymore?" he guessed.

"Well, I wouldn't say that. I'm still mixed up, but I have this weight lifted, now that I've decided…" her voice trailed off and she gave a tiny smile.

"To make me an uncle?" he supplied with a grin.

"Basically," she grinned back at him.

"I'm so happy for you, Addie. I know you'll make a wonderful mother."

"I hope so."

"I know so. You're pretty terrific, you know?"

Waving a hand in protest, Addison said, "Adultery with my husband's best friend notwithstanding."

Sighing, Weiss leaned back in his chair and looked at his friend. "That one…act…doesn't take away from who you are, intrinsically as a person, Addison. You got it?"

She shrugged. "I guess so."

"We really need to do something about that self-esteem of yours. What exactly did my friend Derek do to you in Seattle?"

"It wasn't just Seattle, Weiss," Addison began as she picked at her sandwich.

"Seattle was just payback for the affair. Things were disintegrating long before, right here in Manhattan."

"I know," Weiss said sadly. "I tried to get him to open up but he wouldn't."

"You, me, and everyone tried."

"So what was sleeping with his best friend, then? A way to get his attention?"

Biting her lower lip, Addison glanced at her friend—one of Derek's closest friends—and saw no anger in his face only curiosity.

"Short answer? Yes. Long answer? No. It was much more complicated. Getting his attention was one of the consequences of that night. But unlike what Derek and many others may think, I didn't set out that morning and said, 'Well damn, Derek won't listen to me, won't talk to me, won't even _look_ at me, so tonight I'm going to screw his _best friend_ his fucking _brother_ and that will teach him.' That was the farthest thing from my mind."

"I know you were hurting that day—well a lot of days but particularly then—because it was the anniversary of your miscarriage. Savvy and I should have invited you over, we should have…"

"Nonsense, Weiss. Don't you dare feel guilty in any way. This is on me. And Mark. And yes, on Derek. It wasn't your job, Savvy's job, and it was not Mark's job to take care of me. It was my own. And it was Derek's. We both screwed up."

Weiss nodded and then told Addison to eat her sandwich, but at the moment she wasn't feeling very hungry. A stern look from her friend told her do as he said so she complied.  
After he felt she'd eaten enough, he talked again. "And now? What are you two 'screw-ups' going to do now that there's a baby in the picture?"

Shrugging, Addison said, "I wish I knew. But that's the thing. While I decided to have this baby, I haven't resolved where and I don't know if Derek will be in the picture or not."

"Addie come on, you know Derek. Of course he'll be there. He adores kids."

"Yeah, but in what capacity? A part-time father living a coast away? An every-other weekend and rotating holidays father? Doesn't this baby deserve more?"

"Yes," Weiss answered simply. "But you know, it's not just this baby that deserves more. You do too."

When she tried to protest he told her otherwise. "You want to know something?" he asked as she finished her tea.

"What?"

"When Savv and I came to Seattle last year, we honestly were afraid for you. For both of you."

"Afraid? Of what?"

"Afraid that you two were going to let the best thing that ever happened to you walk away from you. Savvy and I thought you were two steps away from a divorce."

"I gave him the papers," she admitted. "He didn't sign them."

"I know. And there was a reason, Addison."

"He never told me."

Looking over her carefully, he remarked, "I don't doubt that. But did you ever _ask_ him, Addison?" When she shook her head, he said, "Miscommunication—or no communication—works both ways. You two need to start on the same wavelength. Not just for the baby because that's a separate issue and you have what, seven months? Okay so in those seven months you and Derek need to figure out what's going to become of the two of you. Do you want there to be a two of you?"

Swallowing a lump in her throat, her voice was barely audible as she said, "Yes."

"Then fight. Aside from my wife you're one of the strongest, most stubborn women I know. Don't give up. Don't let him give up either."

"Have you been reading Tony Robbins lately?" she asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

"I read a lot of self-help books to get me through last year when Savvy…"

Addison reached across the table for her friend's hand and squeezed it. "She's going to be okay, you know that?"

"I do. Thanks in large part to you. And even though I don't think much of him on a personal level anymore, in part to Mark."

"He's a good surgeon," she acknowledged.

"Yeah, well my wife got the best."

Standing up, Addison pushed her chair in and smoothed her skirt. "You know when else she got the best? When she met you."

He smiled at her and then walked over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

They walked outside in comfortable silence. "I'll see you tonight after the Shepherd shindig," Addison said before Weiss turned to walk towards where he worked.

"Good luck with that. Give our love to everyone."

"Will do. And I'll give your lovely wife a hug and a kiss for you in 10 minutes. Kiss on the cheek, of course because we're not that kinky. Anymore…."

Laughing, Weiss shook his head and left.

Five hours later, Addison was on the doorstep of Erin Shepherd's house, holding a bottle of wine in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in another. Hand trembling, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then rang the doorbell.

"I'll get it Ma!" sang the voice of one of Derek's sisters.

The door opened and Derek's youngest sister stood in surprise to see her sister-in-law. She looked over her shoulder for Derek and sighed when she didn't see him. "Oh, it's you," she said, the annoyance clear.

"I," hesitated Addison.

"Hey Addie," Nancy's voice rang out. "I'm glad you made it," she told her, ushering her in.

"Thanks," Addison said, grateful for one friendly face.

"Hey," whispered Nancy. "It's going to be okay. I promise." Nancy gave her a quick hug before directing her into the family room where the kids were on the floor playing with one another and the adults were sitting around catching up.

"Hey gang, look who showed up," Nancy said and everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at Addison.

_This is it_, Addison said to herself, steeling herself for the reaction of everyone. Derek's sisters looked at each other and then their husbands, offering no acknowledgment.

"Aunt Addie, Aunt Addie," sang on of her nephews, Scotty as he jumped up and ran over, giving her a big hug.

Closing her eyes, she leaned down and breathed in the smell of his hair. "I've missed you," he confided.

"I missed you too, sweetie."

Her other nieces and nephews followed suit and Addison felt a rush of relief. At least they still loved her and wanted her here.

One other person got up and walked towards her. "If it isn't my favorite daughter-in-law," Erin said with a smile.

"Oh Mom," Addison said. "I'm your only one."

"Doesn't matter," she said, stretching her arms out and Addison went in them and was surprised at the fierceness of the hug.

"I've missed you, darling girl," she told her, stroking her hair.

A few tears that she had been holding at bay fell down. "I've missed you too, Mom. You have no idea how much."

"Shhh," Erin said, soothing her.

"I'm so sorry. You have no idea."

"Shhh, I know."

They stayed in the embrace for a while and Nancy gathered the kids together to distract them while the adults talked.

After a few minutes, Erin released her and she wiped her eyes, feeling foolish for how red she must look.

"I'm, I'm going to freshen up," she said.

She went into the powder room and splashed some cold water on her face. Get it together, Addison! She instructed as she reapplied some makeup.

"You okay, Ad?" asked Shannon, the sister who followed Derek in birth order.

Nodding, Addison closed the light and said, "I'm fine."

"Mom and the kids weren't the only ones who missed you, Sis," Shannon said, surprising Addison with a hug.

Addison returned the hug and thanked her sister-in-law and then they caught up a bit on Shannon's husband and kids.

"God, I've missed so much," Addison remarked.

"I mean, Nancy filled me in on a lot but…"

"Yeah well it happens. Not anymore though, you got it?"

"Got it," Addison said with a small smile.

She had always gotten along best with Shannon and Nancy. Though she did get along with Kathleen and Cindy, they were different. Their relationships with Derek were different.

"I can't believe she had the nerve to show up here!" whined Cindy.

"Cindy, don't," her husband warned her.

"No. Come on. She broke my brother's heart. Your son," she reminded her mom.

"Cindy's right, she did," piped up Kathleen.

"Sleeping with Mark…"

"Oh give it a rest, you two," Nancy said as she came around. "Who _hasn't_ slept with Mark? Especially in this room—other than Mom—none of us."

Kathleen rolled her eyes. Leave it to Nancy to point out the obvious.

"Yeah, well that's different," said Cindy. "She was Derek's wife."

"And you four are his sisters," their mom reminded them. "So don't start about Mark. And for the record? Addison is _still_ Derek's wife."

"I don't know why he hasn't divorced her," she muttered under her breath.

"Cynthia! That's enough," reprimanded her mom.

"You girls all have to deal with the fact that Derek is still married to Addison and it's _his_ choice. It's his choice to try to make things work with her and I for one hope they make it. Come on, even you, Cindy, you remember how he was treating her before he left. You know how much he hurt her."

"And let me tell you, he didn't improve in Seattle," Nancy piped in.

"Did Addison tell you that?" wondered Kathleen but Nancy shook her head. "No, I heard it from Savvy and before you tell me she's biased it was validated by other people. Derek hasn't been pleasant to her to say the least. Some would wonder why _she's_ still with him. Now can we just let it drop and leave Derek and Addison to Derek and Addison? Come on, we haven't seen her in over a year and we missed her—well all did," she said pointedly looking at her older and younger sister.

"I guess," Kathleen said.

"Whatever," was Cindy's response.

"And unlike a certain brother of ours, she has made an effort to make amends. She's made an effort to keep in contact. She's sent presents for holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, she's shown that she cares," Shannon pointed out.

"You're right," admitted Kathleen.

"Now, it is Eric's birthday and we are going to act like adults here, you got it?" stated their Mom.

"Yes, M'am," the three girls said.

Addison and Shannon, meanwhile, had stood in the hallway and heard every word. Addison felt horrible but she also expected it and she felt that she deserved it.

"Good, now go in there and welcome her home and then we can have dinner."

The girls looked at each other and then went to find Addison and were surprised to see her with Shannon, and they realized she'd heard the entire debate.

"Addison," began Kathleen.

She shook her head. "No, you don't have to say anything. I know you don't want me here."

"That's not true," Nancy said. "Isn't that right, Cin?"

Cindy glared at her older sister before nodding. "She's right. We…we missed you."

"It's okay. You can hate me all you want, I deserve it."

"Addie shut up and give me a hug," Kathleen said, causing the others to look at her in surprise and then laugh at the expression on Addison's face. Addison hugged Derek's oldest sister and then gave a laugh.

Cindy finally walked over and tentatively said, "Welcome home" and then she held out her hand and Addison shook it. It was something.

They ate dinner in relative peace. No one inquired as to why Derek wasn't there with Addison and everyone behaved—including Cindy. As the cake was being passed around and Addison was holding one of her younger nieces in her arms, Cindy surprised her by sitting next to her.

"I don't hate you," she admitted.

"It's okay, Cindy. You don't owe me anything. Derek is your brother and I'm…well little ears so I won't say but it's okay."

"It's true. I hate what you did and that he got hurt so badly but I know he hurt you too. I know my big brother and how he can be."

Addison shrugged, not wanting to say anything negative about Derek and ruining any chance at Cindy truly _not_ hating her.

"You brought this one into this world," Cindy stated, softly brushing hair off her daughter's forehead. "How could I hate you?"

"Okay," Addison said at last. "Thank you."

Cindy nodded and gave her a genuine smile. Addison knew things were still shaky with her and Kathleen but all hope wasn't lost. This fact greatly relieved her because Addison loved those girls a lot and they were going to be aunts to this baby.

"Thanks for the wine," Eric, Nancy's husband and the birthday boy said a little while later.

"No problem," Addison said with a smile.

The kids were getting restless and it was getting late for them so their parents told them to clean up and get ready to go home. As Kathleen opened the door to leave, she stood in shock as she saw who was standing at the door, waiting to ringing the bell.

"Derek!" she shrieked in happiness.

"Kathleen!" he said happily, grabbing her in a hug.

"God I've missed you," he whispered as he held her.

"You too, Little Brother."

"Kathleen are you going to stand there or help me with the kids?" John, her husband asked.

"I'm sorry, it's just…" she stopped talking as John noticed what was going on. "Oh."

John's eyes grew wide as he saw Addison in the other room helping one of their nephews tie his shoes. 

"Oh," Kathleen said, remembering.

"What's all this about?" Cindy asked.

"EEE!" she shrieked.

"Cynthia Louise! What on earth is going on?"

"Mom! Mom you'll never guess who's here!" she called out.

Derek gave his youngest sister a big squeeze and then ruffled her hair. "Missed you, kiddo."

"Same here. And I'm not a kid anymore, Derek."

"You always will be to me, Cin," he told her with a teasing smile.

"What is going on in there?" Shannon asked. "I thought you were leaving," she said to Kathleen.

"I was and then I found this one on the doorstep," she said, pointing toward their wayward brother.

Shannon's eyes widening. "Oh," she said, unsure what to say.

"Oh? That's all your big brother gets, 'oh'?" repeated Derek with a hint of annoyance.

"Yeah well I'm surprised you remembered my name," she huffed.

"Shan…."

"Don't, Derek. Not tonight."

He shrugged. "Fine. But can I get a hug tonight? Please?" he asked with his trademark pout.

Shannon laughed and hugged her only brother.

"Love you too, Shann."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Well, that's it," came Kathleen's voice. "Kids are all ready to go."

"I don't want to leave Aunt Addie," whined her son Jacob.

Derek stood there shell-shocked. Aunt Addie? Addison was there?

His three sisters looked at each other, then at Derek, then back at each other.

"Me either!" piped in Jacob's twin, Jennifer.

"Hey, I'll be back, I promise," he heard Addison tell his niece and nephew. "I'll walk you two to the car, okay?"

Smiling, they each grabbed one of her hands and pulled her to the door, yelling "bye Grandma!"

"What's all this?" Addison asked, looking at the crowd which had gathered at the door.

"Come on Aunt Addie, let's go……"

"Coming, Jacob." But Addison stopped in her tracks when she saw the familiar figure leaning against the door.

"Jenny, you left your doll, go get it," her mother, Nancy instructed as she went into the foyer, stopping when she saw her brother.

"Derek," she whispered and then she turned to her sister-in-law who's mouth hung open.

Derek was staring at Addison. He couldn't believe that she was there, at his mom's house. With his family. Once again, Derek went to find some peace and once again she was there…wait.

Derek shook his head. No, he was not mad at her. She had every right to be there. She was their family too. And he did assume she had returned to Manhattan so…even in a city of millions of people it shouldn't surprise him to find her right there.

Addison grew very uncomfortable as Derek looked at her. She couldn't tell how pissed he was that she was once again, invading his territory.

Looking over everyone she decided to make her getaway shortly.

"Nancy Pants!" Derek called out to his favorite sister.

"Well, well well if it isn't the famous Dr. Derek Shepherd," his sister retorted.

"Nance…"

Nancy jabbed him in the shoulder. "Nice of you to show up. Too late for dinner and for birthday cake, of course."

"Birthday cake?" he asked, confused and Nancy shook her head. Figures.

"Eric's birthday," Cindy reminded him.

"Oh. Oh! Well, sorry."

He managed to squeeze a hug from her and a kiss on the cheek.

"Okay kiddos, I have to go but I will visit you again, real soon. Bye sweeties," Addison said, leaning down to hug Jacob and Jennifer and kiss them on the cheek.

Derek always loved watching his wife with his sisters' kids. She was so good with them and they simply adored her. It always tugged at his heartstrings. Tonight was no different.

"Addie, before you leave, I need to talk to you," his mom called out as she walked into the foyer.

She stopped in her tracks at the sight of her son.

"Derek," she said with a smile.

"Hi Mom," Derek said, going over to greet her with a long hug and kiss.

"There's hope for you two yet," she whispered in his ear.

"Mom?" Addison asked, standing with her arms protectively around her waist, which Derek took note of.

"You can't leave now, Addie."

"What? Oh but…"

"Stay. Talk." She instructed, pushing Addison towards Derek.

"Ma it's late and I'm jet-lagged," Derek interjected.

"Tough."

His sisters and their families were gone in the meantime, leaving the three behind.

Neither Derek nor Addison said anything to the other. This drove Erin crazy.

"I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about. Like how you both managed to be at the same house tonight."

"You live here, Mom," Derek pointed out.

"Yes I do. And I'm going to bed. Good night you two," she said and she kissed them both on the cheek before retreating to her room.

Addison gave an awkward laugh. "Not very subtle there."

"Not at all," agreed Derek.

"So…" Addison began.

"So…" Derek repeated.

"What are you doing here?" they asked in unison.

"I wanted to see my family," Derek said.

"Oh. Well, Nancy told me about Eric's birthday get-together and she invited me."

"You saw Nancy?" he asked, wondering when that happened.

"I ran into her at the hospital."

The hospital. Sloan was there.

"Before you even accuse I was not there to see Mark."

Derek shrugged.

"Okay," he responded. "So you're staying with Savvy and Weiss?" he guessed.

She nodded, there was no longer a reason to hide it.

"That's what I thought. Well…"

"Derek? Don't bother."

"What?" he asked, confused at her sudden annoyed tone.

"You obviously didn't expect me here and didn't want to see me let alone talk to me so I'll do you the favor and leave."

"Addison."

"Good night, Derek."

"Mom wanted us to talk."

"I know but this is too awkward and it's late and you're jet-lagged and Savvy and Weiss are expecting me…" her voice trailed off.

"We do need to talk," he informed her.

"I know. But not tonight. You know where I'm staying now, you can call me and we'll meet…somewhere neutral and discuss things…"

"The baby?" he asked.

"Things," she said, not giving anything away.

"All right. Let me walk you to the cab," he offered, not wanting her alone in the dark.

She shook her head. "Savvy let me borrow her car. I'm set."

"Oh. Well, good night, Addison."

"Good night, Derek." With one last look at her husband, Addison left, leaving Derek as confused as he was when he left Seattle, maybe even more.


	14. Chapter 14

_**"Wise Up" 14/? Derek/Addison**_  
**Author's Note:** I'm sure it's frustrating in terms of lack of Addek interaction or anything, but I feel it would be a disservice to them and especially to this story to wrap it up in a pretty bow. So thanks to those who are still reading this. This chapter was started a week ago or so, but I've been really busy. I had a wonderful weekend celebrating my birthday with friends and family and thought I'd cap it by finishing the chapter. Hope you enjoy!

_Ladyforga72:__ Thanks, hope you enjoy this update!_

_skiergal__: that's awesome that you were proud of them both for different reasons._

_esnad:__ they're on that journey that's all I'll give away. ;)_

_crazy-chica6__: glad you liked the reaction! Aww, I'm so thrilled you loved the Sisters Shepherd and Momma Shepherd. Hee, that he is, McDoucheBag._

_EleanorJ.:__ yes, finally in the same city. Sorry it took a few chapters but they needed that time apart. Thank you for saying that re: Derek's sisters. I tried to differentiate them from each other._

_LanieCroft:__ Wow. blushes I am so happy that you like the reflections. I know they do a lot of reflecting in this story but as I say the show severely lacked in that department. I wanted Addison not to be hated by Derek's family but still a part of it, even though some of the sisters harbored ill feelings. That makes sense b/c no one would be all thrilled if their brother's wife cheated on him with his best friend! The talk is in this chapter that I'm posting—hope you like it!_

_Richiey: So I'm really glad you thought that the last chapter brought some movement to the story, that was what I was hoping for. Oooh I like pun's so feel free to use in your reviews, hee! Derek and growth? No longer an oxymoron, lol._

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 14  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

"Where's Addison?" Erin Shepherd asked her son the next morning as she entered the kitchen to the sight of her only son making breakfast.

Mixing pancake batter, Derek replied, "And a good morning to you too, Mom."

"Good Morning, Son," Erin greeted, planting a kiss on his cheek. "Need any help?"

Shaking his head, Derek said, "No, but thanks."

"You were always a good cook, even as a little boy you would always help me make meals for the family. Your dad and I were convinced you were going to be a master chef one day, remember?"

"I remember. But Mom, things change," he said, not just alluding to his choice of career.

"I'm not that old, Derek. I know things change. And I know you've been in a world of pain for over a year now."

"Ma…" Derek began but she cut him off.

"Is Addison still asleep?"

Sighing, Derek poured the batter in a frying pan. "No. She went back to Savvy and Weiss's last night, Mom."

"But I thought you were going to talk?"

"Yeah, well Addison thought it would be best if we waited because neither of us was really up for it last night."

"Okay, that makes sense," his mother told him as she got fruit out of the refrigerator. "But you will talk, right?"

"Yes. There's…a lot that we need to figure out. About our marriage and the…a lot."

His mother paid close attention to her son's movements. She knew he was hiding something, the question was what and would pressing him for details push him too far?

"So," she began, broaching the subject from a different angle. "Why did you come here, Derek?"

"Isn't it enough to see you and the girls?"

"It is. But Derek, you've been away for a long time. You've barely kept any contact with us. Now, I know you're hurting and I know it was too raw at first, but it's been a year now. We're your family; we love you and want to support you. But it's pretty hard to do that when you push us away."

Derek felt like a jerk. "You're right. I should have contacted you all sooner. It was just…hard. I mean, Mom, I felt like an ass. My wife cheated on me with my _best friend_. Do you know how humiliating that was?"

"Derek…"

"It was. And I couldn't stand to be here and face everyone at the hospital knowing and face all our friends and…"

"But we're more than friends or co-workers. We're your family. You could have stayed here with me while you were working out your issues."

"I know. But I just…couldn't stay in Manhattan."

"So instead you ran away like you've been doing since your father died. Closed yourself off and ran away. This time it wasn't to the Parkmans or the Fullers, this time it was across the country to Seattle."

"It's not as if I didn't know anyone there, Richard and Adele are there," he reminded her, ignoring the rest of her accusations."

"And they're lovely people, but they're not your family, Derek."

"I'm sorry, what do you want me to say?"

"Nothing. I'm glad you're here. I am. You're my only son, you have no idea how much I've missed you."

"Oh Ma," Derek said, leaning over to give his mother a hug. "I missed you too."

"Is that why you're here, because you missed us or is it something more?"

When Derek didn't respond, she added, "Addison was as surprised to see you here last night as you were to see her. Why is that? Why did she come here alone?"

Closing his eyes, Derek took a deep breath before saying, "Just trust me that I'll handle it, okay?"

There was nothing else Erin could do but agree with her son. They ate together peacefully, catching up on the family.

"So Derek knows you're here?" Savvy said as she passed Addison a muffin the next morning.

"Yes. Well, he said he figured I was with you two to begin with."

"He still knows you," she pointed out.

Shrugging, Addison popped a bit of muffin into her mouth. "I guess. Not that it was altogether difficult to ascertain. Where else would I have gone? LA? Well, he doesn't know about Sam and Naomi. I feel so awful for them."

"I know me too." The six of them were really tight in college.

"Poor Maya. It's got to be so hard," she said, referring to her goddaughter.

"I'm sure it is. But Addison, it might be harder to be in a family with two arguing parents, you know? Staying together for the sake of the kids is not always the best route."

"I know. Believe me, I know. This is why I don't want to make the wrong choice for this baby."

"Or yourself."

"Or myself. But this baby takes priority."

"You know, Weiss and I are having are in the middle of the process for adoption."

"I know, I'm thrilled for you two. Maybe our babies will be best friends," Addison said with a smile.

"Of course they will. Do you want a boy or a girl?"

Swallowing, Addison quietly said, "I just want a healthy baby. I can't bear if anything were to happen to this child too."

"Oh Addison. I know you're scared, and you have every right to be. But this is your specialty and you know the statistics. And you know it's not high to have a second miscarriage."

"You're right. And I'm already in week eight. Once I'm past the first trimester, it will be easier."

Savvy was about to answer when ringing phone cut her off. One glance at Caller ID told her who it was. "It's Mrs. Shepherd's number."

"Derek."

"Do you want me to take it?"

"Yeah."

"Hi Derek. Yeah, she's here. Yeah, we're just finishing breakfast. Sorry…no, I know you know. Okay. Behave, Derek. Will do. Bye."

Hanging up, Savvy turned to Addison and said, "Well, he'll meet you at in an hour."

"Okay." Addison went to the spare room and got ready for her outing.

An hour later, Savvy dropped her off before heading to work.

"Hey," Derek said softly as his wife approached him.

"Hey," she said, not sure how to behave.

"Come on," he instructed, leading her to the ferry.

"I don't know if this is a good idea," Addison admitted.

Shaking his head, Derek said, "We need to talk, which you agreed."

"Yes, but on a ferry, Derek?"

"Are you worried about getting sick?"

"Maybe. But I already dealt with that after waking up."

Glancing over her, he expressed a bit of concern. "Are you okay?"

"Right now? Yeah. Crackers and ginger ale. Oldest trick in the books."

"Come on, Addison," he told her, grabbing her hand. She looked at him in surprise and then they stepped onto the ferry and sat on a bench on the lower deck.

"You and your love of ferries," she mused.

"Well, you and your love of view-finders," he retorted.

Addison stared out at the water. She always felt it was calming, but right now she didn't feel calm.

"So…" she said after some time of silence.

"So. So how long are you planning to stay in Manhattan?"

"I don't know. You?"

"Same. Were you ever planning on letting me know where you were?"

"Not particularly."

Frowning, he said, "At least you're being honest."

"Yeah."

"Were you planning on returning to Seattle?"

"Yes, Derek. I wasn't going to hide away for two months or anything," she said, taking a jab at him.

"Touché."

"Did you tell Mom?"

"About the baby? No. I didn't know if you were going to…well, you know so…"

"Oh. Well, you can tell her."

"Does that mean?"

Nodding, she said, "Yes, Derek. I'm keeping the baby."

Looking over her, he couldn't help himself: his face broke out in a grin. She wasn't smiling though, she just sat there, looking out at the water. "I'm glad," he whispered.

"Are you?" she asked softly.

"I am," he said.

"Okay. That's nice, then, Derek."

"And you…are you glad?" he wondered.

She turned over to look at him and he could sense some vulnerability shining in her face. "Yes. I want this baby."

"Good," he said with a small smile. "That's good."

"So, we're going to have a baby," she said, her tone gentle as she stared at the waves.

"What does this mean for us, Addison?"

"Honestly? I don't know. Do you?"

He turned to face her and admitted, "No. I mean, I'm glad you're keeping the baby, but that doesn't…"

"That doesn't change our fundamental issues. It just exacerbates them," she supplied to which he nodded.

After a few minutes of neither of just sitting there, Derek said, "You know, Addison, you're going to be a wonderful mother."

"Because I've been such a wonderful wife?"

Running his hand through his wind-blown hair, Derek said, "I haven't exactly been a model husband, Addison."

Her eyes widened. "No, you haven't," she agreed, stunned that he was acknowledging it.

"Derek?" she asked, turning to face him. "We can't keep going on like this."

"I know," he told her. And he did.

"I can't keep being ignored by you and I can't keep putting on a smile while you flirt with Meredith Grey and I can't pretend that I'm okay with the fact that my husband hasn't told me that he's loved me in over a year and that he threw away—or lost, whatever—his wedding rings. I can't do that."

"I can't keep wondering when you're going to start to _care_ about me again, Derek. When you'll fight for me and for us. I can't just be in this perpetual state of limbo. It's not fair to any of us. Especially the baby."

Absently staring at the ground, Derek was wordless.

"Now would be a _very_ good time to say 'yes, Addison, you're right, Addison,' " she said sternly.

"Except…you might be fine with the status quo. Playing the forgiving husband to the world, having everyone fawn over Dr. McDreamy the poor, poor soul whose wife fucked his best friend. And everyone thinks you're wonderful. Particularly Grey. Whom you're probably still visiting in the mornings like you used to do when you went to walk Doc."

His mouth hung open and Addison suppressed a laugh. "You think I don't know about that? Oh Derek…"

"Addison," Derek began, not sure what to say.

"Don't. Just don't. I don't want to hear your explanations or justifications."

"So then what do you want?"

"I want to do the impossible. But that's just it, it's impossible. You can't turn back the hands of time. We doctors play God but we really aren't. The only thing I know for certain is that I am going to take the best damn care of this child and will do whatever it takes to ensure that he or she is healthy and happy."

"Happy…meaning here, in Manhattan?"

Addison brushed a curl off Derek's forehead. "I was happy in Manhattan when I was happy with you, Derek. But too much has happened, there are too many painful memories and reminders of the good and the bad here."

Nodding, Derek said, "So you'll come back to Seattle with me?"

"I'll come back to Seattle. But I'm not coming back to the trailer."

She moved to the edge of the bench, wrapping her arms protectively around her belly. "So you're coming back to Seattle but not to the trailer, why?"

"Derek, the fact that you have to ask 'why' is a big part of it. I can't breathe at that trailer and it may be fine for my wood-chopping, flannel-wearing fisherman, but it's not fine for me. And it's not fine for a baby. There's no room for the baby. Or for me."

"I can make room, I can make an addition."

"No. I'm not going to compromise on this one, Derek. You can go back to the trailer and I'll stay at a hotel."

Shaking his head he said, "So you're going to raise a baby in a hotel? How is that any better?"

"If you let me finish, I was going to say that I'll stay at a hotel until I've found a place for us."

"Us?" he asked, searching her face.

"Me and the baby."

"And me?"

"Eventually…if you want…if we both want," she corrected, looking at his worn face, "then yes."

Derek knew he had no other choice than to say, "Okay. You're right."

Widening her eyes, Addison questioned his response. "I'm right? Since when?"

"Since…since now. Addison, I don't want us to be in this limbo anymore than you do. I know you don't believe me right now and I know _why_ you don't believe me. I know that if you and I want a future together, we have to work at it. I know that you and the baby deserve a real home and not just my trailer. I just…can't give that up just yet."

Nodding, Addison said, "Okay."

Derek scooted over closer to Addison who, to his relief, didn't move away. "Are you staying much longer?"

Shrugging, Addison said, "I don't know. I mean, I want to see my family. And there are a few other things that I should do. You?"

"I haven't really had any time with my family so, probably not for a few days. We could uh, we could go back to Seattle together," he offered.

"Maybe," she said noncommittally. "Give me a call."

"I will," he promised her. "So…how far along are you?" It was something he was dying to know.

"Over eight weeks."

"Eight weeks, then that means…" Derek didn't respond as he realized when they'd conceived.

Smirking she said, "Yeah, go figure. That night of all nights…"

Derek didn't say anything because if he did, it could have blown the tentative truce they were building. Addison didn't need to know that he had gone to her that night because he caught Meredith just out of Finn's bed. It would only hurt her and hurt them.

"And things are okay?" 

"Yeah, I mean, according to your sister. I'll have to get an OB in Seattle, obviously."

"I can help you find a doctor…I mean, if you want."

"Maybe. I mean, I have some names and so does Nance."

They just sat there in silence for a while, but it was actually, dare Derek feel it…comfortable. Suddenly, Addison produced something from her purse and handed it to him. He opened it carefully and his breath sucked out of him as he stared at the image of their baby.

"Wow," he said softly, stroking the outline of this tiny being.

"Wow," Addison repeated, placing her hand on top of his.

Smiling with tears at his eyes, Derek said, "We're having a baby."


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:** Sorry I was unable to post this last night. I finished writing at like 1:15 AM and and was too tired to post everywhere. This chapter is dedicated to Richiey and TheImportantMrsJeter: thanks for all your encouragement and support! And thanks to all my readers and reviewers!

_simbagirl: It was a small, simple line but I really liked it. It captured Derek's wonderment at it all._

_esnad: Hope is always there. I think you'll like this update._

_Richiey: EEE you make me blush with your praise. Thanks, pal! I so agree with you about Derek being unable to really understand what Addison has sacrificed for him…for them…He needs to figure it out. I'm not going to have Addison become a simpering mess. She'll be emotional (hell, she's pregnant) and what not, but she has finally learned that she can stand on her own._

_LanieCroft: Why thank you! I'm glad the pacing is right for you. Sometimes I worry that I will lose (and probably have) readers because there's no quick fix. But it would really do their story a disservice. Yes, they are happy about baby Shepherd and clueless about everything else, lol! I think you'll like this chapter for the NY stuff. ;) And for Erin's (minor) role._

_Skiergal: I understand why Derek doesn't want to rock the boat right now (when things are so…pardon the pun, rocky between them), but Meredith Grey is not over, not yet. Neither is Mark. Both of them are tools that are being used to make them realize some things. But, Meredith isn't in this chapter. Heck she hasn't been for the past several ones, lol._

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 15  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

"So how is she really doing, Nance?" Derek asked that evening as he visited his sister in her office at work.

Being back at that hospital was…odd for Derek. He'd spent many of his formidable years there—as an intern, resident, and co-head of neurosurgery. The halls were littered with people he used to work with and be friends with. Many of them stopped him today to say hello, some noted that they'd seen his wife the other day, others yelled at him for cutting ties, while others mocked him for moving away to the 'wrong' coast. Derek tried to take it all in stride. He wasn't there to work as some had wondered. He wasn't there to catch up with them. He wasn't there to beat up Mark Sloan as others predicted. He was merely there to see Nancy.

"And by she I assume you mean your wife," supplied his sister.

Derek gave her an annoyed look. "Don't start with me, Nancy. I already got it from Shannon and Mom earlier. I don't need it from you, too."

This prompted a glare from her. "As if Mom and Shan and the rest of us don't have a reason to be pissed at you, little brother."

Leaning his back against the wall, Derek said, "Yeah, well the three of you didn't seem too pissed at Addison the other night. You think my own family would."

"Jesus, Derek, quit whining. It wasn't cute when you were 10 and it's not cute when you're 40."

"Hey, I have a few years."

"Technicality," dismissed Nancy. "You weren't there to see Cindy being a downright brat to Addison. And Kathleen was rather icy towards her too. Besides, not being hateful doesn't mean we agree with what she did to you. On the contrary, we _all_ hate what she did and what Mark did. Stupid bastard. But that doesn't negate the fact that you ran away from home, from your wife, from your job, from your friends, and most of all, from _us_, Derek. Your family. So don't act so surprised or glib, little brother."

Sighing, Derek said, "All right. I'm sorry, Nance. I truly am."

Peering at her younger brother, she shrugged. "Maybe."

"Come on, Nance, this is me. This is you and me. I can't have you hating me."

"Oh grow up, I don't hate you. Would you try to take some blame for your part in all of this, for once? We're not kids anymore. This isn't you breaking Shannon's Barbies. This is your marriage and your family. And believe it or not, it takes two to make or break a marriage. And two to make or break a family."

Closing his eyes, Derek took a deep breath before speaking. "I know that. I do."

"Good, then stop acting like such a jackass. Seriously."

Derek laughed at her and she grew perturbed.

"What?" she accused.

"Nothing. It's just. You'd fit in, in Seattle, Nancy. Seriously," he told her with a smile but no further explanation.

"I'm an east coast kind of girl, don't you know that? Don't you miss it here, Derek?"

"Yes, I do. I mean, I was always an east coast kind of guy too. But things change, people change."

"Not _that_ much. I mean, I know that both you and Addison changed but fundamentally you're still Derek Shepherd and she's still Addison Forbes Mongtomery-Shepherd. Some things don't change."

"I don't know about that."

Nancy shook her head at her brother. She wanted to shake him and get him to wake up and grow up. But she couldn't do that. He was still her little brother (and okay they were only two years apart, but still he was her _only_ brother) and she loved him dearly.

"You never answered my question," Derek accused moments later.

"Which was?"

"Addison, is she really okay? And the baby?"

Nodding, his sister said, "Yeah, Derek. They both are."

"You're not just placating me because I'm your brother?"

Shaking her head, Nancy pulled out a chart and handed it to him. "I'm not just saying it."

Derek's eyes scanned the chart and he breathed a sigh of relief. Everything looked good.

"Sis? What are her chances of," he paused and swallowed, "carrying to term?" He looked so small just then that Nancy stood up and sat next to him.

"Very good, Derek. You know the statistics as does your wife. If she follows doctor's orders, eats the right things, takes her vitamins, exercises, gets enough _sleep_," she said, stressing the word, "and isn't under a great deal of stress, I don't see why she won't carry to term and deliver a healthy baby. This is where you come in, brother of mine."

Derek looked at her confused.

"For the next seven months, Addison is going to need you, whether she admits it or not. You need to make sure she eats properly and gets enough sleep. Something tells me she hasn't been sleeping very well lately. I'm sure you haven't either. But for her it is imperative. And I know that things are "up in the air" for your marriage right now and that in itself is stressful, but please do not put her under any undue stress, you hear me? I mean it; she needs peace and calm and do whatever you can to give her that. And you need to make sure that she doesn't overdo it at work. Now, I'm sure that will actually be the hardest part for Addison because we know she can be a workaholic—we all can—but keep an eye on her schedule, monitor how many hours she's working and if you have to talk to Richard to tell her to slow down, do it. If I know Addison—and I do—she'll want to work right up until her water breaks. Which is commendable and all, but really not necessary. Can you do all that?"

Turning serious, Derek nodded and said, "I can. I will. I promise."

Nancy gave her brother a small smile. "Good and if I hear otherwise I will whoop your butt."

Derek laughed, knowing how real her threat was. "You got a spy on me at Seattle Grace?"

Shaking her head, she said, "No. Not now," she amended.

"God you're terrible, Nance."

"And yet you adore me anyways," she reminded him.

"I do," he admitted and he gave her a hug, holding on tight.

"You're going to be okay, Derek. Addison and the baby too. I give you one sure thing: that is going to be one gorgeous little boy or girl with your genes and hers."

He laughed. "Yeah, it will."

She smiled at him and then he asked, "Hey Nance? Would you be her obstetrician?"

"That'll be a little hard to do over thousands of miles."

"I know, but you can you know, monitor things with her doctor in Seattle. Because I want you involved in this. I _need_ you involved. I'll fly you up when she's closer to her due date and you can deliver. Please," he asked sincerely.

"You know I'd be happy to, Derek. It's only fair since she delivered mine. But you need to ask her and make sure it's okay with her, before I agree."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks."

"So…how did Mom take the news?"

"She was thrilled."

Derek smiled, recalling how happy his mom had been.

_"Mom? I have some news," he'd told her when he got back from seeing Addison._

"You're moving back home?"

"No, Ma."

"Well don't keep an old woman in suspense, son."

"You're not old, Mom. Certainly not old enough to have 12 grandchildren."

"Twelve? But there's only eleven…" Erin's eyes widened as she realized the significance. "Oh Derek. Addison's pregnant?"

"Yeah. How do you feel about becoming a grandma for the 12th time?"

"I couldn't be happier for you, for both of you. Come here," she instructed, opening her arms for her only boy. Derek leaned in and she gave him a tight squeeze. "I am so, so happy for you, Derek. I know how much you and Addison have always wanted kids."

He nodded. "Yeah, we did. This is…unexpected to say the least," he said, running a hand through his hair, "but we both want this baby."

"Good." She kissed him on the cheek and then whispered in his ear, "You know, babies sometimes have a way of bringing two people closer together."

"I know," he'd told her, saying nothing more but reveling in his mother's presence and her joy.

Nancy smiled when Derek finished telling her their mom's reaction and how Shannon had come over to visit and was super excited as well.

"Kathleen and Cindy don't know yet."

"They'll be happy for you, Derek."

"You think?"

"I know. They love being aunts and to their only brother's child? Come on. You could be married to the Wicked Witch of the East and they'd be thrilled."

Derek choked back a laugh. Little did Nancy know that was what people in Seattle called his wife.

"Point taken. You can tell them if you want."

Rolling her eyes at him, she told him, "As can you. Now shoo, I have work to do."

Laughing, Derek kissed his sister on her forehead and gave her a hug before strolling out of her office and through the hallways of his former place of employment. He was feeling somewhat lighter and it felt good.

That good feeling didn't last for very long because as he turned the corner, he ran smack dab into Dr. Mark Sloan.

"Get out of my way," he ordered to which Mark just smirked.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the prodigal son. And brother. And friend. And oh yeah, husband," he added for good measure.

"Shut up," Derek said, glaring at his former best friend.

"Intern not putting out for you anymore?"

Narrowing his eyes, Derek said, "You are vile."

"Takes one to know one, Shepherd."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Derek asked, despite knowing he should have just walked away.

"You're in love with a woman—and it's not your wife. What do you call that? You're in love with a ing twenty-year-old when the most amazing woman is in love with you. And that woman? Is pregnant with _your_ child and you're not by her side taking care of her? What kind of man does that?"

Releasing a heavy breath, Derek got in Mark's face, asking, "What kind of man sleeps with his supposed best friend's…his brother's…wife? What kind of man takes advantage of a woman in pain to get her in bed? Oh wait, that's you."

"You have no clue what you're talking about, Derek."

"And neither do you, Mark. What the do you think you're going to do? Swoop in and save Addison from me? And then what? Are you going to be a husband? Do you know what kind of sacrifices you have to make to be married?"

"You sure as hell don't."

"Maybe, but I'm trying."

Crossing his arms around his well-built chest, Mark said, "That's what you like to say. But I was there, Derek."

"For what, two whole days?" he scoffed.

"Long enough to see you once again treating your wife like an afterthought. Long enough to see you mooning over someone half your age who for some reasons worships the ground you walk on. Long enough."

"You think you're hot shit, don't you Sloan? You always did when it came to women. Katie, Sarah, Addison. They're interchangeable to you. You think Addison is going to leave me for you and you'll live happily ever after. Well life doesn't work out like that. There is no happily ever after. I could see you two lasting a few months but long-term? No way. And with a baby in the mix? You'd be out of there so fast. So who are you trying to kid with this self-righteous act? Stay the hell away from my child, from my wife, and from me."

With that, Derek turned on his heel and left. Once outside, he released a breath he'd been holding. "God, that felt good," he said to no one in particular.

Addison was feeling better after seeing some of her family members. As much as she loved Derek's family and felt a part of it, it was different with her own. They supported her unconditionally. They were happy at the news of her pregnancy and hopeful that something would work out with Derek. But they knew that Addison was strong and she could do this on her own. She was a Forbes Montgomery, after all.

_"Addie-Girl, I'm so happy for you," her beloved father told her when she dropped by his office for a visit._

"Really, Daddy?"

"Of course. Why would you think otherwise?"

Shrugging, Addison said, "I don't know. I mean, I hoped you would be happy for me. It's just, the timing is off and it's not the best circumstances for Derek and me to be having a child."

"Addison, timing is never perfect. For anything, let alone having children, don't you know that by now?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Do I have to remind you that you came to us in your own good time?"

"Only if you want," Addison told her father, curling up against him on his leather sofa.

"Your mother was 36 when she found out she was pregnant with you. Two years younger than you are. Now it's different but back then women were expected to have kids right away. And your mother and I were married for 15 long years before you came into the picture. We were told we couldn't have any kids. Your mother and I were having some trouble…"

"Daddy," interrupted Addison who didn't know that part of the story.

"It's true. It's none of your concern what our problems were, but between you and me, things were rough for a bit. And then Catherine finds out she's pregnant and it changed everything. You changed everything. You brought so much joy and happiness to your mother and me. You hung the moon for her."

"Oh Daddy," Addison said, choking up.

"Your mother loved you more than you'll ever know. Well, that's not quite true; you'll know when your child is here. She never wanted to leave you."

Nodding, tears fell down Addison's cheek and her father wiped them away with his handkerchief. "I know she didn't," she whispered.

"So no matter what you and Derek are going through, remember that you are first and foremost parents and that child means everything. And if Derek doesn't get his head out of his ass—don't look at me like that, Addie—then that's his loss. You're stronger than he gives you credit for. And you are always welcome back in Manhattan. Your bedroom is still free, you know. Maybe your son or daughter would like that."

Addison gave a small chuckle. Her room had pretty much been kept in the same shape it had been when she first left for college twenty years ago.

Snuggling against her father's chest, Addison said, "I know. And a part of me wants to take you up on that offer. But I'm going back to Seattle. I'm going to try."

"I wouldn't expect anything else from you my darling daughter. Maybe Derek will get a wake-up call and come to his senses. Erin sure hopes so."

Addison's ears perked up at the mention of her mother-in-law's name. "You talked to Ma Shepherd?"

"Yes, we talk from time-to-time. Just because our children can't get it together doesn't mean that we've stopped being family. The Shepherds and the Montgomerys are bonded, for life now that there's a child in the midst."

"That's true."

"Besides, she's a smart woman. She loves you, doesn't she?"

Addison blushed and then hugged her father tightly. He meant the world to her and sometimes she worried that he might not be around for much longer—after all he was in his 70s—but he was as "healthy as a horse" as he said, his body and his mind as sharp as ever and he was still putting in 40+ hour weeks at the office. Addison hoped he would be around for another twenty years or so. Long enough to dote on his [only grandchild.

"Floating, falling, sweet intoxication," Addison hummed to herself that night while waiting in line for the ladies room at the theater.

The woman in front of her turned around and said, "You have a nice voice."

Blushing, Addison said, "Thanks. I love this musical."

The woman nodded. "It's so beautiful."

Addison agreed, though her favorite musical was Les Miserable which had closed over three years prior. She'd read that there was going to be a revival. Of course by the time it came back to New York, she'd be in Seattle. So The Phantom sufficed for tonight.

When Addison returned from the ladies room during intermission, she was found humming "Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned."

Closing her eyes as she sat in her seat, Addison recalled the many times that she had dragged Derek to see this musical—and Les Mis—and she would make him voice The Phantom or Raoul for her.

_"Come on, Derek," Addison urged as they stood in line. "You could look a little less pissed to be here."_

"How many times are we going to see this, Addison?"

"Oh come on, you know you love it, Raoul."

Shaking his head, Derek said, "There are better things we could be doing this evening. Like this." Leaning over he whispered in her ears and her faced turned red.

"Derek Patrick Shepherd…" she warned.

"What?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Don't you agree?"

Pouting, Addison said, "You don't play fair."

"Can it be, can it be Christine? Brava! What a change."

"You're evil," she told him as he wiggled his brows at her.

"That's how you love me, babe." Derek was confident as Addison pulled him by the lapels to lay a kiss on him. Then she smacked his shoulder and said, "You're going to get it when we get back home. Payback for not taking me to see Phantom."

"I think I can handle payback, sweetheart." With that Derek flagged a cab and they ran into their apartment giggling and kissing the whole time.

"Long ago…it seems so long ago," Addison recited to herself.

Stretching his legs in his seat, Derek nearly did a double-take when he saw that red hair. _Her_ red hair. Addison was in the theater, watching The Phantom, just as he was.

Smiling to himself, Derek straightened up in his seat and enjoyed the rest of the performance. It really wasn't the same seeing it without her by his side.

When the musical ended and everyone departed, Derek followed Addison's steps and eventually caught up with her at one of her favorite cafes.

Addison was deciding what to order when she heard a familiar voice softly whisper in her ear (not singing), "Long ago, it seems so long ago How young and innocent we were...She may not remember me, but I remember her…"

Whipping around, she was face-to-face with her husband. "Derek," she said softly, staring at him.

Shaking his head, he said, "Don't you mean Raoul?"

"Derek," she repeated, not quite believing that a) he was there and b) he was acting like _that_ with her. Like he used to.

Pointing to her, he asked, "Have you forgotten your line?"

"I uh…" Addison didn't know what to say and then the people behind her were getting annoyed.

"What did you want, M'am?" asked the pimply-faced cashier.

Addison always hated being called "m'am." It made her feel so old.

"She'll have the German chocolate cake," Derek ordered for her.

"What are you doing?" Addison asked when her voice finally returned.

"Ordering for my wife," he said nonchalantly. "What, you don't like my selection?"

Shaking her head, she replied, "You know I love it."

Derek ordered his own treat next and then paid for both of them while Addison just stood there.

"Did you enjoy the performance?" he asked as he handed his wife her dessert.

"What are you talking about?"

Rolling his eyes, Derek said, "Obviously The Phantom, what did you think? Les Mis isn't open—yet."

"You were…you were there?" she asked him as he took a bite of his purchase.

"Yeah," he replied, dipping his fork into her cake.

"Derek!" she admonished.

"What?" he asked innocently. "You never share that with me."

"You could always order it for yourself, you know."

He laughed and took a bite of her cake and then she took a swipe of his. "There. We're even."

Nodding, Derek agreed. "Yeah. Maybe we are."

Addison knew he wasn't just referring to the dessert but she was too tired to ask him the significance of that sentence. So they sat there, eating in silence but it wasn't the tension-filled silence of late. It was actually…dare either say it or think it…companionable. When they finished, neither said a word as they exited the restaurant together and Derek walked Addison to Savvy and Weiss's place.

"Good night, Derek," Addison said when they reached her destination.

"Night, Addison," Derek said, giving her a semi-smile.

"Derek?" Addison began but then hesitated.

"Yeah?"

Biting the inside of her cheek, Addison's voice was soft as she said, "The summer fades, the fruits of summer fade, they have their seasons, so do we but please promise me, that sometimes you will think of me."

"Good night, Addison," Derek called out as Addison rang the doorbell.

"Good night, Derek."


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note:** Yikes, close to two months this time. :( Massive apologies, everyone. It's been a hectic time. I was on vacation for two weeks, been working overtime, and just having a lot going on in general. I hope that you haven't all forgotten about this or if you have, please re-read. Thanks to all who read and reply. This one is dedicated to ccke who encouraged me without even knowing.

LanieCroft—_I'm so glad you enjoy how I've written Derek's family. Since we were basically robbed of it on the show it was important to incorporate in the story. Yeah, I like that he stood his ground with Mark and that this time, it wasn't about Meh. ;) I wanted to have Addison's father in here because I felt like a lot has always been about Derek's family and she has one too. The Phantom stuff was fun to write._

esnad—_What did I tell people all along? There is hope yet, hee. Derek doesn't know about Addison staying with Mark in NYC for two months, but he suspects. And she doesn't know some things about him and Meredith. All in due time._

skiergal—_aww, I love them too! Glad you like Nancy she's a lot of fun and will be in future chapters. Hmm, I didn't think about it but you're right, she's a little like Bailey. She tells it how it is._

Kelly-starfly—_new reader, yay! Yay for liking the story. I wish they had explored the couple more on the show, I thought there was much more potential with them than we ever got to see._

Richiey—_you're very welcome! It's fun writing their extended family along with their friends. More visits from family in the future and maybe some more of Addison's._

bibleboymary4ever—_wow, a second new reader! That makes me really happy. Chapter 9 was rather sad. And yay for Addek growing closer!_

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 16  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

_"Derek! Derek put me down already!" shrieked his wife Addison. _

Derek didn't typically give in very easily to her demands…well, mostly. But at that moment, Derek ignored her protests and paused in his step with one foot inside the foyer and the other outside, as his redhead squealed and wiggled in his arms.

"Tsk, tsk, Addison."

"What?" she whined.

"I have all the power," he reminded her with a smirk.

"Oh yeah? Well I'm bigger than you," she told him, sticking her tongue out at him.

Rolling his eyes, Derek shifted his position and said, "Well, we didn't all inherit the 'killer legs' gene, what can I say?"

This prompted a smile from his wife who playfully jabbed him in the shoulder.

"Are you going to make up your mind about going or leaving any day now? Because eventually we'll both have to pee or you'll collapse and then how am I going to explain when Richard asks how the hell his star broke his back?"

"Okay, a) you are not that heavy…not heavy at all, my dear, and b) if anyone's Richard's star it is YOU."

"Well, that is certainly true," she agreed.

"Immodesty doesn't suit you, babe," Derek said as he lifted her up higher and crossed over the threshold, kicked the door shut, and then ran up the stairs with her in his arms. When they reached their destination, he gently laid his wife down on their bed and then took a few moments to collect himself and his breathing.

"You are crazy," Addison informed her husband as she rubbed his back while he panted.

"Aren't the best neurosurgeons crazy? I mean, we open people's skulls, Add."

Laughing, she said, "Point made. But while it was certainly nice to be carried by you, you've already fulfilled your threshold carrying duties. The night of our honeymoon when you carried me into our hotel room and then when we got back to our apartment for the first time as man and wife."

Leaning across from her on their bed, he brushed back a stray strand of her hair off her forehead. "Yeah. But this is different. This is our first house as man and wife."

Smiling up at him, she corrected, "First brownstone, Derek."

"Brownstone, house, po-tay-to, po-tah-to. Just semantics, Addison. This is our first house. Our first real home."

"It is. And it's pretty damn perfect. Just like my pretty. . .husband."

"You!" he chastised, pointing a finger at her face. "Are cruel. You were supposed to say 'my pretty damn perfect husband.'"

"Is that so? Think you're perfect, mister?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Know so," he corrected, bracing himself for the onslaught as his wife tackled him on their new water bed, turning the tables on him as she hovered over him. "Now who has all the power?" she questioned, sliding his shirt up, drumming her nails on his chest.

Swallowing, Derek hungrily replied, the lust evident in his eyes, "You. My pretty damn perfect wife."

She passionately kissed him, straddling his hips the whole time.

"God, you're perfect Addie," he told her as he reached around to squeeze her rounded ass.

"Shh. No talking," she ordered, her fingers nimbly unbuttoning his shirt which she tossed to the floor, allowing her better access to stroke his chest with her nails as she grinded against him.

"Ad-die," groaned Derek as she leaned down, pressing her already hard nipples against his bare chest. "Too much material," he groaned, pulling at her sweater.

"I can help with that," she told him, her voice low. Deftly removing her sweater, she chucked it to the floor to join his shirt and the belt that she just pulled off his pants with one swift movement.

"Oh God," Derek hissed as she stroked him with one hand, the other pushing his pants and boxers down.

"Addie please," he practically begged his wife, dying to touch her, to take her, to at least remove her bra and her skirt, but she took control of the situation for him, removing her bra while in mid-stroke before kissing him fiercely, gyrating her hips on top of him. She was killing him and he couldn't ask for a better death. 

Exhaling, Addison tried to shove aside that particular memory and the many others that threatened to undo her as she punched in the security code and unlocked the door to the brownstone.

"I can do this," Addison steeled herself as she slowly opened the door and stepped foot into a place that had meant so much to her. . . and Derek, a place neither one of them had been to for over a year.

Everything looks the same, she mused to herself, walking around the first floor, inspecting things. Remembering that Savvy had someone come over the place a few times to look after it and clean things, Addison realized that she shouldn't have been surprised that everything looked good.

Turning one corner and then the next, she was hit by more memories of time spent there. In the kitchen, dining room, living room, so many moments, good and bad were shared by the Doctors Shepherd in that home.

Addison tried to ignore the flurry of memories that threatened to deluge her. Instead, she prepared a mental inventory of things she wanted shipped back to Seattle to sit in storage while she looked for a home, things she thought Derek might want for his. . . trailer. Snorting as she looked around her surroundings—posh, elegant, but homey, it was hard to reconcile the Derek who lived there and the one who claimed that he was happy living in a 12 x 12 trailer in the middle of the godforsaken woods! As for Addie herself, she bore no shame for enjoying the finer things in life and why _shouldn't_ she? She had worked damn hard to afford those things on her own and before that, her family had as well. While at times she could be a downright stuck-up bitch, she wasn't an entitled snob who expected everything handed to her on a silver platter. Her father taught her to appreciate everything she had and she tried to do so. Tried to be classy and sophisticated.

Closing her eyes, she gathered her thoughts before ambling upstairs. Up where everything went to shambles.

She avoided the master bedroom whose door was closed and instead went into one of the spare rooms, the one that was to have been their first baby's nursery. Quietly tiptoeing (even though no one was there, she still felt the need to be quiet) around, she heaved a sigh as she looked around the yellow room. They picked yellow because it was neutral and would work for a little boy or a little girl. It was a "happy" color as Derek had told her. They painted the room only one week before they lost the baby. They had been so happy that day and Addison playfully threw paint on Derek's face and then he playfully attacked her by tickling her sides.

There were no remnants in the room that would lead anyone to know that a child was supposed to live there, grow there. They never bought a crib. The rocking chair had been given back to the Montgomerys—Addison said one of her cousins could have it. The stuffed animals, toys, and books were all donated to a local Good Will. Same with the baby clothes. During one painful night a month after they'd lost the baby, Addison had ripped the wallpaper off the walls. Clawing at it with her nails she screamed when some pieces got stuck, screamed loud enough that Derek was alerted and when he came into the room, he found her slumped on the floor in a sobbing mess. Rocking her, he held onto her tightly and told her to let the tears fall because for the most part, she'd kept them bottled up inside for the past month and he knew—they both did—that it was unhealthy, that she needed the catharsis. So she did, she just let them fall and he let them fall and they fell apart together.

Addison sat down on the edge of the bed and looked around the room that was once filled with so many hopes and dreams and she held onto her stomach protectively. She glanced down at the floor when something caught the corner of her eye, hiding in the closet. She got up, opened the closet and found a blanket on the floor. Picking it up, she recognized it immediately—it was knit together lovingly by Derek's mother, Erin. It was a receiving blanket—yellow—and they were going to bring the baby home in that. Addison couldn't believe that the blanket was still there, she could have sworn everything had been given away. She held onto it tightly and inhaled the scent which was now mostly of moth-balls.

After going into the other spare room, Addison finally entered the master bedroom. As with the other rooms, this one was still in tact. Brushing her hand along the nightstand, she looked at their bed and was inundated with memories that the two of them shared together, in that bed. Unfortunately, she was also hit with the memory of Derek finding her naked with Mark on top of her. It nauseated her. Searching through Derek's dresser, Addison was victorious when she found one of Derek's old college sweatshirts. Inhaling it, she was happy to note that it didn't smell of mothballs but instead some of his cologne still lingered. Taking the sweatshirt, she chucked her shirt and put his on and then climbed on top of the bed, curling into a ball while holding onto the baby blanket.

"So you're making me an uncle," Weiss commented over lunch at his office. Derek brought sushi over and they were talking.

"Guess so," Derek said, his mouth full.

"Are you happy about it, Derek?"

His only response was a blink of surprise.

"Why do you ask?" he said once he finished swallowing.

Studying his friend, Weiss mused, "Because, it's you and it's hard to tell. You're keeping it close to the vest. Like you do everything these days."

"Weiss," Derek warned.

"I'm just saying…"

"Not you too. Can anyone not resent the hell out of me for moving?"

"Derek, we all have reason to be ticked."

"I get that. It's just…never mind."

"Derek, do you want to stay married to Addison?"

"Weiss..." began Derek but he stopped because he didn't know what to say.

"Derek, I know you want to be a good father to this baby. I know that you want to be there. But what about your marriage? Do you want that? Do you want to be a family with not only the baby but with your wife?"

Sighing, Derek admitted, "I don't know..."

"So you really don't know? I mean if you were to close your eyes and imagine your future what would it look like?"

"Are you trying to shrink me, Weiss?"

"Sam's not the only one who took those holistic classes but no..."

"Derek, if you want a relationship, if you want a family with Addison, you're going to have to start manning up and be there for her. You can't just let her go through this alone."

"I have no intention of that."

"Yes but is that because she's the mother of your child or is it because she's the love of your life?"

When Derek didn't respond to that, Weiss pressed on. "You haven't said you loved your wife for over a year, Derek. What is anyone supposed to think of that? What is she supposed to think?"

"That I'm a jackass?"

"Well that's a given."

"Thanks, Weiss. Thanks a lot. You're supposed to be my best friend."

"Oh cut the bull, Derek. If you want one, you need to start acting like one. I'm not Mark, I didn't sleep with your wife."

"If you want a wife, well then Derek, start acting like a husband."

"If you're sorry, then say you're sorry and act like it. Don't play the martyred victim, Derek. It's not your best look. I told this to Addison: you both screwed up and you both hurt each other. You're going to have to either get over it or work through it if you want to salvage any kind of relationship beyond co-parent."

Derek knew Weiss was right. "Or...or are you so hesitant because you don't want that type of relationship with Addison? Because you don't love her and are in love with the intern? Is that it, Derek?"

Weiss looked directly at Derek who wanted the seat to swallow him. "Do you want a divorce?"

"Are you my lawyer now?"

"God you are so ing glib, Shepherd! According to Addie you told her that Meredith Grey wasn't just a fling--you loved her. Is that true?"

"I said it, didn't I?"

"People say a lot of things they don't mean, Derek. Especially given the circumstances and the timing. Although I have to say, man, if you were aiming for payback with that statement well you picked right because you did it right before _Christmas_. This was yours and Addie's holiday."

"I'm a jackass, all right."

"Yes, you are. But you're still my friend and I'm asking these things because I care about you. And I want you to know that you have someone you can talk to. This isn't about choosing sides. I've asked Addie some tough questions too."

"I appreciate it, Weiss."

"Okay. Now, I'm going to leave you with this: if you decide that you don't want to work things out with Addison, then please do everyone a favor and don't prolong the agony because everyone will be more hurt in the long-run if you stay because you think it's the "right thing" to do. For her, for you, and for that baby. Make a clean break if you have to."

"I'll keep that in mind," Derek said softly.

"How much longer are you going to stay here?"

Shrugging, Derek said he'd already caught up with all of his family. "I was thinking of leaving tomorrow. Richard has been more than generous to me--to both of us--and I don't want to piss him off."

"You? His star surgeon?"

"Addie's his real star. He broke out all the stops for her."

"He's always been fond of her," Weiss pointed out.

"Yeah, he has. But I should go back."

"With Addison?"

"I told her that I'd call her and she said she'd see. Do you uh, do you know where she is today?"

"She's at the brownstone. Your brownstone," he added.

Swallowing, Derek nodded and they finished their conversation with Derek promising to be in touch more once he returned to Seattle and he even said he'd fly Weiss and Savvy out when the baby was due.

A half an hour later, a tense Derek Shepherd stood outside of his former home, debating whether or not to go in. He hadn't been in the place since _it_ happened. At the time he had been too hurt and angry to return. But now here he was, standing there, unsure of what to do. If he opened that door, he knew he would be hit with memories. If he didn't, he could just pretend that it didn't exist. That it was just a place he'd lived for a time, before Seattle.

Taking a deep breath which he quickly expelled, Derek said to himself _it's now or never._ While it would be the easy thing to just walk away and go on the plane to Seattle on his own, it would be the coward's way. And Derek had been a coward about things for far too long. If he wanted any peace, he knew he needed to confront the situation, to confront the past in that house. Besides, it wasn't _just a place he'd lived for a time_. It was _their_ place. Their home. For years.

The house looked dark and Derek assumed that Addison must have left by the time he arrived. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad. If having her there would make it easier or harder on him. He supposed it didn't much matter because she wasn't there. So after a minute, he opened the door and entered his former home.

Flicking the lights on, he looked for Addie but she wasn't there so he stepped around the house, inspecting things. Strangely enough, everything looked rather similar to the last time he'd been there. Stepping into the foyer, he paused as he looked around the living room. All of Addison's knickknacks were right where she left them. Picking up a snow globe her father bought her during a trip to Switzerland, he shook it, watching the fake flakes fall. Her father had a tradition of getting his daughter a snow globe whenever he went on a business or personal trip. In her office at the brownstone, she had a bookcase full of snow globes. Snow globes and viewfinders, those were simple things that always delighted his wife.

He put the memento down and walked into the kitchen. The fridge was empty, but on the whiteboard next to it was a list of Addison's surgeries and his. His list was longer because at the time, he took any and every surgery he could to avoid coming home. Next to the microwave was a note from Addison, _Dear Derek, please try to come home early today. I need you. I miss you. We need to talk. Love, Addie._ He'd never seen that note…correction, he'd seen it, scanned it quickly and forgot about it for the remainder of the day until he was at the hospital and it hit him that he really should be home for her, for them. He briefly wondered what it was she wanted to talk to him about. The baby they lost five years previous? Their failing marriage? He would never know because by the time he did return home that night, he caught her in bed with _him_.

Bed. Which was in the bedroom. Which is where he caught his wife and his best friend together. Ambling up the stairs, Derek was seized by memories of that awful night, so while he paused at the outside of the room, he ultimately bypassed it and entered into his office. Derek's office was one of refuge when he needed it. Towards the later years of their marriage, if he wasn't at the hospital, if he wasn't out with Mark (yeah, Mark), then he could be found holed in his office. He wasn't sure why he liked it so much. It was less fancy than the rest of the place. It was a place where he could be messy if he wanted and not get yelled at by his wife because, after all, it was his _space_. So if he wanted to hang up one of those trout plaques on the wall, he could because it was his room. If he wanted to have Yankees memorabilia lining the bookshelves, he did. Sitting in his swivel chair, Derek looked over the room and smiled. Obviously the room hadn't been touched while he'd been away. Dust had gathered everywhere. But Derek didn't care about that because there was still rumpled clothes on the ground, reminiscent of the nights when he didn't bother going into the master bedroom, there was still a coffee stain that he hadn't remembered to clean up the last time he'd been in there. It looked very much like a bachelor's room. The only thing that would alert anyone to the fact that he was a married man was a photograph of Derek and Addie taken by Nancy one fall afternoon. They were cuddled up on the couch together and she surprised them by snapping their picture. They looked so happy in that photo. So in love. How had things changed? Why?

Derek had no answers as he departed his office and went into the would-be nursery. Feeling his stomach lurch as he turned on the lights, he looked around for anything to remind him of what they were supposed to have. But there was nothing. All traces of their future was wiped away. Sitting on the edge of the pull-out bed, he swallowed as he remembered the fun he and Addison had had the day they painted the room. Yellow. Neutral color, Addison reminded Derek who'd just laughed and said if she wasn't so hell-bent on being kept in the dark on the sex, they could paint it pink or blue. She'd stared at him and said that she wasn't a pink or blue kind of woman. After all, she was the woman who wore _salmon_ scrubs so generic blue or pink just wouldn't do. Besides, she said she really wanted to be surprised, really wanted them to be and honestly it didn't matter to her (or him) what they had, as long as the baby was healthy they would be happy. Teasing her, he told her that the first baby could be a surprise and maybe even the second, but after that, all bets were off. He grew up the only boy in a house full of girls, he needed some preparation. Once again, Addison reminded him they weren't having eight kids. Derek smiled at that memory. And then he looked at the wall and spotted some wallpaper that hadn't been torn down by Addison that night. Feeling the Winnie-the-Pooh paper (Addison's choice, of course) with his hand, Derek sighed and closed his eyes, trying not to think of what could have, what _should_ have been.

Finally, he decided to brave the one room that had been haunting his thoughts for over a year now. Taking a deep breath, Derek opened the room and was hit by a flash of Mark in bed with his wife and he felt ill. _You can do this, Shepherd_ he coached himself. He looked in the bathroom and found his toiletries—and hers—still there. Eyeing the tub which had seen a lot of action and the stand-in-shower which saw even more, Derek next stepped into the large walk-in closet and shook his head as he looked at line after line of Addison's name-brand shoes. His suits were all in garment bags, along with Addison's gowns. Gowns which hadn't been worn in a long time and would likely be given to his sisters and to Good Will. Gowns that he'd once had a lot of fun removing. In the main area of the bedroom suite, Derek spied a wedding photograph on the dresser. Addison looked so beautiful and he didn't look so bad himself. On the desk were photos of Derek's mom and her dad at the wedding. They were so happy for their children. He knew each nightstand held a picture of a parent that was lost—Patrick Shepherd on his side, Cate Forbes Montgomery on hers—and there were other photos in the room of people they loved. His eyes narrowed when he spotted one of Mark in his best man suit with his arm wrapped around Savvy's shoulders (she was their matron-of-honor). He had half a mind to pick up the photo and hurtle it across the room, watching as the glass shattered, but he nixed that thought and instead sank down onto the bed.

It was at that moment when he felt a weight beside him. Muttering, "what the ?" he turned around and found his wife curled up into a ball. "Addison?" he whispered but no sound came from her throat. Looking over her, he noticed that she was wearing one of his old college sweatshirts and in her hands she clutched the baby blanket that his mom had given them. "Addison?" he asked again, this time more softly. Still no answer. He cupped her chin and drew her face to him and the vacant look in her eyes scared him. She looked so worn, so broken and he vaguely wondered if it was him that did this to her, if he put that look on her face. Gulping, his hands started shaking when he saw the tears on her face. "Addie? What's wrong?"

"I miss it, Derek," was her warbled response.

"Miss what?"

"The baby. Oh God, I miss our other baby, Derek. Our first baby."

"Addie…" he began, not knowing words of comfort for her because he had none for himself.

Instead, he did what came instinctually to him, he gently stroked her face.

"And I miss you," she told him. "I miss you so much, Derek. And I miss us."

Not saying anything, he simply continued his ministrations.

"Don't you miss us, Derek?"

Her voice was so small when she asked that. So small and hopeless.

"Yes," he acknowledged. "I miss us, Addie."

Eyes widening, she stared at him, her big blue eyes filled with the tiniest speck of hope.

"I miss us. I miss our baby too. I wanted that baby so much."

"Me too," she agreed, looking down at her stomach which was still pretty flat except for the smallest of bulges.

"And…and I miss you," he softly admitted. "God I miss my wife. The woman who was my best friend. I miss you, Addison."

Trembling, Addison reached out and stroked his face and when he leaned in to brush his lips against hers, she didn't pull away. Hesitantly, he kissed her fully on the lips and she responded with one of her own. They kissed tentatively at first, gently. Neither said a word as they kissed, or as he moved onto the bed and pulled her into his arms. Eventually, he kissed her with passion, wanting to take her breath away. She tugged on his shirt which he took off and she ran her fingers down his chest and then he kissed her with more fire than he had in the longest time, prompting Addison to give a low moan of surprise. That was when he pulled his lips away and looked at her flushed cheeks and wondering eyes. "We can't, Addie."

Instantly, she stiffened. But he wouldn't let her get angry, so he put his hand on her shoulder and said, "Addie. I want to. God knows I want to. But we can't. Not now. Not yet. It wouldn't be right. Not when things are so messed up."

"Oh," was her response.

"Don't be mad. Please believe me when I say that I want you. I just…you're vulnerable…we're both vulnerable and I don't want to take advantage."

Nodding, she understood. "You're right. I don't want us…I don't want us to regret anything."

Giving her a small, sad smile he pulled her back against him and tightly held onto her.

"I was thinking about going back to Seattle tonight or tomorrow," he informed her after five minutes of silence.

"Okay."

"Do you uh, do you want to come back with me?" he asked and he couldn't prevent his nervousness at her response from leaking out.

Thinking it over momentarily, she simply said "okay" and they remained in place for a while until he eventually called to book them a flight back. After arrangements were made, Addison told him her ideas with what stuff should go where and Derek agreed with her. He packed a couple of bags and then Savvy stopped over with Addison's suitcase and after a little chat with her they hailed a cab for John F. Kennedy International Airport where they caught their flight to Seattle.

Upon arrival at Sea-Tac, Derek gave Addison a look of "now what?"

"I'm going back to the hotel, Derek."

"The one nearby?" He asked, referring to the one she'd stayed in before moving into the trailer. The one which was further to the hospital (thus necessitating the ferry ride) but closer to him.

Shaking her head, Addison informed him that, "It was booked up. I got one at the hotel near the hospital."

"Oh." That one was much more to her tastes, he knew that much. But it wasn't as close by and for some reason, Derek really wanted her near him. And it wasn't just for the baby.

"Is your car here?" she asked him as they waited for their luggage.

"Yeah. Do you want a ride to the hotel?"

"It's in the opposite direction, Derek."

"I don't mind," he told her, picking up one of their suitcases.

"If you're sure," she began, grabbing another suitcase which was promptly picked up by her husband.

"Derek I'm pregnant, not an invalid. I can carry that."

"Don't argue with me, Addison. It's late. Or early. Let me do this."  
She shut up and grabbed a few light bags and they walked back to his jeep. When they got to the hotel, Derek popped the trunk and removed her bags and suitcase and Addison was about to thank him and go on her way when he followed her. "Derek," she started but then stopped. He was determined to help her carry her stuff so she should be grateful. "I can handle it from here," she told him when she went up to the front desk to check-in. Shaking his head at her, he crossed his arms over his chest, a stubborn move that left her rolling her eyes. After getting the keycard she walked over to the elevators with her errant husband on her trail. Nothing was spoken during the ride to the 10th floor and he just stayed behind her with the bags and suitcases, following her every move. As she reached her room, she unlocked the door and turned the light on. It was a big room, quite luxurious. It was the opposite of the trailer, which Derek took mental note of as he brought in the luggage.

"Thank you Derek," Addison said softly, with a grateful look in her eyes as he placed the last bag on the floor.

"No problem," he told her with a yawn.

"You should go before you fall asleep on the ride back."

"I won't fall asleep," he told her and then in a move which surprised her, he reached for her and gave her a kiss on the forehead and one on the cheek, his lips lingering at her throat. "Good night, Addie," he told her before leaving.

"Good night, Derek."

Derek left and Addison went into the bathroom to freshen up and changed into a nightgown. When she returned to the bed, she noticed Derek sitting there, taking his shoes off.

"What are you doing, Derek? I thought you left."

"I did. Well, I thought of it but then I changed my mind."

"Derek, this is my place now."

"I know. But I want to stay."

Sighing, she said, "Don't say that. It just makes things more…"

"More what?" he asked her, removing his jacket and placing it on the back of a chair.

"More confusing…more complicated."

"Addison?"

"What?"

"Can't we just…for tonight, not worry about confusion and complications and just go to sleep? It's really late and I don't feel like driving home. You don't want me to fall asleep on the road, do you.?"

Shaking her head, she climbed under the covers and said, "Derek you're terrible. Guilting me."

"I don't mean it like that. Just…it's late, I'm tired, you're tired, I want to be here, let me be here, Addie."

"Fine. But this doesn't change things. We're just going to sleep."

"That's all I want. We'll go to sleep and then tomorrow we'll both return to work."

"All right, you won. This round," she said, her sleepy voice teasing.

Addison curled up on her usual side of the bed, waiting for Derek to get in next to her and turn his back to her. He surprised her though, by turning around and facing her. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he nuzzled her neck and then promptly fell asleep. Addison kissed his forehead and and closed her eyes before falling fast asleep, having a peaceful slumber for the first time in a while.

Coming up in Chapter 17: Derek and Addison return to Seattle Grace Hospital. Oh my!

I hope you enjoyed their detour into New York City. They definitely both needed it. But now they're back in Seattle, let the games begin!


	17. Chapter 17

_**"Wise Up" 17/?**_  
**Author's Note:** Well can you believe it? Just under two weeks this time, which beats under two months. g This chapter, I'm afraid, might be a bit of a letdown after the last one, because it's another one of those sort of transitional/filler ones. But some of the ideas in this chapter will be carried into the story later on. This is just a set-up for their return to work. In the future they will have to deal with their relationship, one thing at a time for these two! Enjoy and as always thank you so very much to those of you who read and to those who respond—I read and appreciate all your thoughts. Night all!

_EleanorJ: Aww, I love Weiss too! (And Savvy.) Don't worry, he'll make more appearances in the future. Well, you'll get to see in this chapter if he continues to be nice to her. You're welcome; thanks for reading!_

_crazy-chica6: Glad that my update left you feeling happy. I apologize again for such a long wait. Yes, that's what I wanted people to remember: there is hope for them yet! LOL nope, they don't make it easy._

_jelly-belly-babe: Sorry for such a long wait. :/ But I am relieved that it was worth it! And I'm relieved that you liked their reactions to being back in the brownstone. I was nervous writing about it, because it was such a big unknown for them. I tried to capture different moments—and similar ones—for both. I needed them to start comforting each other, start the healing process._

_Kelly-Starfly: Hi! Aww, glad you enjoyed it. LOL how shocking is it that he's so nice? Hee…I think he'll keep it up…at least for a while, heh. I gave them their magic back? Well that's a great compliment, thank you!_

_CC: Awesome! I love making people's day:)_

_simbagirl: yeah, can you believe it, I updated! Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you like my writing and I appreciate that you particularly like the flashbacks. Wow, I'm blushing here!_

_goldentail: Yay, it's nice to know that it was worth such a long wait and thanks for sticking with me!_

_bibleboymary4ever: It was very mature of Derek not to take advantage of his vulnerable wife, so he gets kudos! I thought he was cute, wanting to stay with her despite her protests…I envision that he'll have to deal with her protests in the future, heh._

_LaKerfAn8: EEE that's terrific!_

_Richiey: Wow. Yeah, I can tell that you loved it. Seriously, you flatter me. I loved what you got out of it, the dichotomy of it all. Thank you so much for your feedback!_

_TiaforGreys: Again I say "wow" that made me feel really good to read your review, that you re-read the story. Look at that, you get an update shortly after posting this comment, aren't you lucky? Hehe And yeah, Grey's isn't the same without Addek. I miss them so much. I miss the potential of them even more (because frankly we were shafted). I hope that this story is one that helps fill the void that the show leaves up. Thank you!_

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 17  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

Addison awoke the next morning to the sound of the shower running. _Great_, she thought to herself. Derek was in the shower and he could be in there a while and she really had to pee. Deciding that she didn't care, she went into the bathroom and used it. They were married and they'd done this more than once (though Addison in particular preferred to pee in private) and besides, she was pregnant. Derek didn't even know what was going on until he felt the change in water pressure and temperature as Addison washed her hands. "Aahhh!" he yelped. Addison grinned to herself. "Hurry up in there!" she yelled out and he pushed the curtain back.

"Addison. What are you doing?"

"I had to pee, Derek. What are you doing in _my_ shower?"

He merely gave her a look that read: what do you think?

"Hurry up in there, I need to take my shower," she informed him before exiting.

She got out an outfit that was suitable for her return to work and as she smoothed the dress it dawned on her that it wouldn't be too long before she'd need to make adjustments to her wardrobe. She put her makeup and her jewelry out and waited for her husband to finish. God he was like a woman in how long it took for him to primp.

"Finally," she muttered when she heard the door to the bathroom open. "Jesus, Derek, took long enough?"

"I was in there for fifteen minutes, Addison."

"Yeah, right," she snorted while he shook his head at her, water dripping off his hair onto his bare chest.

"You didn't even get dressed in there!" she whined.

"Because I'm going to get dressed out here while you take your shower," he told her walking past her clad only in a towel and she swallowed. Don't look at him, she warned herself.

"You could have gone home—to your trailer—to get ready, Derek."

"Addison, the hospital is much closer here. I didn't want to drive and take the ferry then drive home and get ready when I could just as easily get showered and dressed here and then drive straight to work."

"Fine," she told him as she turned the light back on in the bathroom.

"Why are you so crabby this morning? Didn't you sleep well?"

Funny thing was, Addison slept very well last night. She didn't know why she was picking a fight with him over something so petty. She was just unaccustomed to her husband acting like this.

"I need coffee," she whined and he shook his head at her.

"No coffee for you."

"Says who?"

"Says me. Come on, Addison you know better, no coffee for the pregnant lady."

Pouting, Addison said, "You know…never mind. I'm going to take my shower."

"Fine, I'll wait for you."

"What, here?"

"Where am I supposed to wait for you—in the lobby?" When she nodded he shook his head at her and laughed. "Don't think so."

"I'm not getting dressed in the bathroom, Derek."

"You don't need to. Get dressed out here."

She raised her brows at him, implying that she didn't want to get dressed—or rather be naked—with him in the room. He just looked at her and chuckled. "Come on, Addison. How do you think you got that way?" he asked, pointing to her stomach.

Her eyes widened. "Oh my god, Derek you are being an annoying male right now."

"That's right," he said with a grin.

"I'm taking my shower now and I expect you to turn around to avert your eyes or at least have the TV on or something," she ordered as she padded into the bathroom.

Addison was sure acting strangely, Derek thought as he got dressed. _Must be those hormones_, he mumbled to himself. He wouldn't say that to her because that would increase her ire. It was amusing though. To be honest, he understood why she found his attitude peculiar, he wasn't quite sure how to explain his changed outlook either. But he was trying and that should count for something.

Leaning against the bed, he reached for the remote before putting his shoes on. Turning on the TV, he flipped through the channels and settled on CNN to catch up on the latest news and tried not to worry about how things would go at the hospital today. He hadn't taken much time off since joining Seattle Grace Hospital and although he knew Richard understood, he still felt guilty for being gone with no notice. And then there was the matter of people he didn't look forward to having to deal with. Preston Burke for one, who was on his case the last time they spoke…because of his treatment of Addison. O'Malley and his girlfriend Torres…again because of Addison. Yang because of Meredith, and finally Meredith herself. Given their last interaction in the elevator when she asked if he was divorcing Addison, that didn't bode well for future encounters. Derek didn't honestly know how he felt about Meredith anymore and he didn't know what seeing her would do to him and do to this tentative…whatever it was he had going on with his wife right now. He knew he had to be very careful with how he acted, which meant avoiding Meredith. Right now he needed to concentrate on his wife and their baby.

Baby, Derek said with a small smile to himself. Sometimes he still couldn't believe they were going to have a baby, they were going to be parents. He'd wanted to be a father for as long as he remembered and when they lost their first baby, it devastated him…both of them. He hoped that things would go better during this pregnancy and that Addison would give birth to a healthy baby. That's all he really wanted. Was it too much to ask?

He hoped not. He wondered when they were going to announce the pregnancy to people. It was different the last time, everyone was so happy for them and they couldn't wait to share it with the world. The first person they told, even before their parents, was Mark. It just came out one day when he was over for a visit and brought them a bottle of wine. When Addison passed it over, Mark looked at her incredulously. It was unlike Addison to decline a little alcohol, unless she was on-call or not feeling well. He saw the looks that passed between his Derek and Addison and he read between the lines. "You son of a bitch," he said to Derek who choked on his food.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You got her pregnant."

"God Mark could you sound more cave-man like?" Addison chided as Mark patted Derek on the back.

Derek gave Addison an apologetic look and then told his best friend that yes, they were having a baby. To which Mark got up, grabbed Derek and hugged him and then did the same with Addison. "I'm too young to be an uncle," Mark had told them to which they both laughed.

Shaking his head out of the reverie, Derek mused again how different things were now. Mark was not the first person they told. He would have been the last if Derek had his preference. But of course that was taken away from him, because Mark did know.

Still, the people that meant the most to them knew—his family, hers. Savvy and Weiss. Now it was more of a matter of when and how to tell the staff at SGH. Truthfully, the only one they had to tell was Richard as their boss. But Derek knew how things worked at the hospital. No sooner would Richard know then others would likely follow. He was certain that the interns would have a field day with this one. Not that it would be their business, but as with everything else, they would make it so. And that meant dealing with Meredith. Which he didn't want to think about. Instead, he hoped that they would be able to tell Richard in their own time. Ultimately, he knew it was up to Addison and what she wanted. And he had to support her, even if he didn't necessarily agree with it. He knew the last thing she wanted to deal with was the hospital rumor mill, the looks, the whispers, the unspoken accusations. She shouldn't have to put up with that and Nancy had warned him to watch over her stress levels.

Hearing the water turn off, he knew his wife would be in the room soon, so he focused his attention back on the news. Addison came around and after taking her robe off, she towel-dried her body, leaving her back to him and he couldn't help but sneak a glance at her. Swallowing, he noticed a definite difference in her. Small, but definite. More of roundness to her. He dared not say it to her because she might take it the wrong way and think he was asking for sex or think he was calling her fat (which she was so not), so he kept his thoughts to himself, whispering in his mind that she was _so beautiful_.

"What's going on in the world?" a faint voice interrupted his train of thought.

"What, what?" he asked, confused.

"The news. You have it on."

"Oh, you know, this and that. Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Nicole Richie are all in trouble."

"Already? But it's only 6:30 in the morning."

"Yeah, well they move fast in Hollywood."

"So what happened now? Wait a minute, I don't want to know."

Derek started to explain anyway.

"Ahh yes, how mundane. Let this be known: if we have a daughter, her role model will not be a fake plastic girl."

"Of course not," Derek agreed.

"You can turn around now," Addison informed him a few minutes later after she finished with her clothes and was putting on her jewelry. He gave her a small smile to which she gave him a raised brow and then went back into the bathroom to do her hair, makeup and brush her teeth.

"Okay, ready," she said.

"Wait a minute," Derek began.

"What?" she asked, tapping the heels of her shoes on the carpeting.

"You haven't eaten yet."

"So? You know how I operate, Derek."

"Yes, but."

"But what?"

"But not now. You need to eat—all of your meals, especially breakfast. You know that," he reminded her gently to which she sighed.

"I'll get something when we get to work, how's that?" she asked for a compromise.

"I'll get it for you and bring it to your office, how's that?"

"If you want…let's go."

Yang, O'Malley, Grey, Stevens, and Karev were all standing outside with Bailey who was instructing them about what to do with the victims of a car crash that were on their way.

She was finishing up her instructions when Derek and Addison Shepherd walked up to them. "Bailey," Derek acknowledged, giving her a nod.

"Shepherd," she nodded back.

"Hello Miranda," said Addison.

"Hello Addison. Welcome back."

Addison gave a small smile. At least someone seemed happy to see her. Looking at the interns who were eyeing each other and her suspiciously, she knew that some were not. Three sets of eyes were on one intern's reaction in particular—Grey. Meredith for her part gaped at Addison and her husband, more than surprised that they were back and they were back together. Karev for his part wasn't looking at Meredith. He didn't give a damn about any of that drama, it didn't involve him, so much the better. His only thought upon seeing Montgomery-Shepherd again was that he would be roped back onto the gynie squad when all he really wanted to do was plastics.

Derek followed Addison inside, walking past everyone without a glance at Meredith. She felt gutted by that. "He didn't even see me," she said to Cristina.

"How could he not see me?" she asked out loud, catching George's attention and he only shook his head at her.

Turning to Izzie, she said, "Did that just happen? Derek and the She-Shepherd? Was I invisible?"

"I'm afraid they're both back, Mere," Izzie said kindly.

"All right people, enough of that, we've got lives to save, lives which are more important than the latest hospital gossip," Bailey told the group as the sound of sirens wailed by. "Let's go, people!" she ordered and they had to leave their thoughts on the Shepherds and concentrate on work.

"This wreck is a nightmare and my star surgeons aren't here," Richard sighed to himself.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Preston Burke wondered what that made him. "Oh, sorry," the Chief commented when he noticed Burke standing next to him waiting for his orders.

Burke didn't say anything, he simply nodded.

"I need every available attending to help with the victims," Richard informed his staff who were standing by on alert.

Callie was gearing up for the onslaught of patients when she spotted a certain redhead striding in the halls with her McDouche-Bag husband on her tail. _Interesting_, she mused as she moved closer to the Chief.

"Speaking of your star surgeons," said Burke, turning to Richard. "There they are."

Richard's eyes widened in surprise as he saw the twosome walk in…and were they together?

"Derek, Addison. Good, you're both back. I'd welcome you, but it's getting crazy."

"I can see that, Richard, what do you need?"

Smiling at his favorite attending, Richard replied, "There are three pregnant women with extensive injuries…"

"Three?"

"They were on their way to a friend's baby shower…doesn't matter right now but they all need your attention."

"I've got it," Addison said, mentally preparing for what lay ahead.

Derek watched her with concern. "You haven't had breakfast, Addie," he reminded her softly and she whipped her head around, staring at him.

"I have patients, Derek. Breakfast can wait."

"Addison…"

Richard looked at them, not understanding what was going on. Why did Derek care if Addison ate or not? Normally that would be a concern of a husband…but Derek hasn't been acting like Addie's husband in some time. Richard shook those negative thoughts of his friend out and then said, "Derek I could use you as well, there are a couple of cases…" he began, explaining what he'd been told of the injuries.

"You got it," Derek told him, giving Addison a stern look as she rushed to the sound of Bailey's voice, calling her.

"Okay, Karev, you're with Montgomery-Shepherd, you do whatever it is she says and don't pull any BS. Got it?"

Rolling his eyes, Alex muttered, "Got it."

Back to the gynie squad, he sighed in his head.

Derek and Addison were soon immersed in the chaos of taking care of the victims from a freeway pile-up. Addison's patients were extremely fragile as the three pregnant friends were in danger of losing their babies from the impact of the crash. But Addison was determined that they—and their babies, including a set of twins—would survive.

"You picked a heck of a day to come back," Callie told her as she caught up with her at the ladies' room. That was the first—and only—time that morning that Addison had had a second to breathe.

"Guess so," she mused.

"You all right?"

Addison nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"We didn't get to continue any conversation…"

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that, I just needed to leave. The whole thing was…yeah."

Callie didn't ask for further explanation. "That's all right. We can talk another time..I mean, if you want." Suddenly she wondered if Addison was interested in talking to her, possibly becoming friends.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Addison told her and Callie gave her a small smile before exiting the restroom.

At 1:15 in the afternoon, Addison was finally able to return to her office for a little respite. Her stomach was growling and she hadn't had time to eat anything all day. Which was not a good idea, and she knew that. When she got to her desk, there was a note from Derek saying "Lunch will arrive in 15 minutes. You will eat this. –DPS."

True to his word, at 1:30 a knock came at her door and when she opened it, Derek stood there holding a tray which held a plate full of turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, a small fruit cup, and milk.

"I can't eat all that!" she protested.

"Eat," he ordered, leaving the plate on her desk, he walked out the door.

"Where are you going?"

Shrugging, he said, "I didn't want to…presume anything. But I wanted to make sure you ate. So eat."

Blinking, Addison nodded her thanks and then shut the door and ate.

It was odd having Derek—_her husband_—be so attentive to her. So concerned. It reminded her of the early years of their marriage—and of her last pregnancy. So much had happened since then, Addison was afraid to become used to his caring behavior. Not really afraid but hesitant—she didn't think it was going to last.


	18. Chapter 18

_LaKeRfAn8__—Aww, I am glad that I made your day and I hope you had a Happy Birthday. :) LOL believe me I understand. I can't tell you how I wish that the fanfic writers took over the show and that Derek and Addison would work through their issues and become a couple again._

_crazy-chica6—That Addison sure is a stubborn one. You're right, FHB has to take priority. And good thinking re: second-trimester sex drive. ;)_

_Richiey—I appreciate that you liked the chapter, even if it was transitional. LOL can you believe it—Derek hasn't been an a in a while now. He's attentive! He ignored Meredith. feels his forehead_

_SeriouslyAddison—Great name. And you are very welcome._

_EleanorJ—Thanks, it's nice that their return to work in all its awkwardness worked for you. And yes, Derek is trying so kudos to him!_

_simbagirl—Feelings are vital to this story so it's good to know they translate. Ha-ha, seems everyone got a kick out of Meredith being ignored._

_bibleboymary4ever—Well, Addie just may embrace this Derek yet. She needs time, lol._

_Ladyforga72: Why thank you! Enjoy this next one!_

_**"Wise Up" 18/? Derek/Addison**_  
**Author's Note:** This chapter would have been posted sooner, but unfortunately I left the document at work on Wednesday and forgot to email it to myself. And I was ticked because I was close to being done so I went into work on the weekend to email the document to myself. I hope all those who celebrate, had a lovely Thanksgiving. Enjoy this chapter and as always, feedback and welcome.

**Title: **Wise Up ch. 18  
**Rating: **PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary: **Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer: **Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_."What a day to come back to," Addison mused out loud as she prepped for her final surgery of the day.

"I'll say," agreed Miranda Bailey as she scrubbed in at the sink next to Addison.

"Hello Miranda," greeted the redhead who was looking for someone. "Where's Karev?"

Looking behind her, Bailey sighed. "He was supposed to be right behind me. I swear if that boy is late to this surgery he is going to have hell to pay."

Addison smiled at that declaration. Truth be told, she got a kick out of the 'Nazi' persona. "From me too." Finishing up at the sink, the surgeon was about to go into the OR when the intern decided to show up.

"Didn't think you were going to make it, Karev. Next time you're late to one of my surgeries, you're not going in. Got it?"

Sighing, Karev went to the sink to wash up when his resident stepped in front of him. "Karev, you'd better answer Doctor Shepherd and answer her now before I kick your butt back to the pit with Grey."

Swallowing his annoyance, Alex looked back at Addison and said, "Got it. I mean, it won't happen again, Dr. Shepherd."

"It'd better not," Addison warned before heading into the operation room, leaving Bailey to deal with the intern.

"So, Shepherd, you decided to return to Seattle Grace," Preston Burke commented as he took a seat next to the neurosurgeon in the gallery.

"I'm afraid so, Doctor Burke," Derek said with a grin as he opened his cup of coffee and took a sip.

Burke nodded. He didn't expect otherwise, but he was a bit surprised to see Addison Shepherd return—with her husband. It was none of his business. Derek Shepherd represented competition and that was it. When the chief eventually decides to retire, Burke naturally assumed he was the front-runner for the position, but ever since the chief corralled his 'friend' Derek Shepherd into working at the hospital, Burke realized that he might have a fight on his hands. The one variable was Addison. It was obvious to anyone that Webber doted on her like he'd never seen as she was his clear favorite. This in itself didn't bother Burke because he liked Addison and considered her a friend but it would make the eventual race for chief an interesting one.

"Hello Dr. Burke," George O'Malley greeted as he took a seat by his friend and "person" while Izzie took the other one next to him.

"O'Malley."

"Who's in surgery?" Izzie asked looking distracted.

"Dr. Shepherd," said Burke, looking at the blonde.

"But he's right here."

"Iz…" George began and shook his head.

"Oh."

"It's a really difficult procedure," Burke began to explain.

"Yeah, I read that. Do you think she'll save them?" George asked, meaning the patient and her baby.

"I know she will," Derek piped in with confidence.

Izzie looked at him strangely. Since when was McDreamy watching the She-Shepherd's surgeries?

"It's only been performed six other times," Yang told Grey as they entered the gallery and took seats behind the others.

"Really?"

"That's what Dr. Bailey said. I can't believe she picked Evil Spawn to be her intern," Yang said unhappily. "That should be me there."

"Cristina," Burke began but then stopped himself.

"What, everyone knows I'm the best."

"Cristina," George started.

"Oh Bambi come on. I should be in there."

"I thought cardiothoracics was your specialty of choice," Izzie reminded her.

"It is. It will be, but that doesn't mean I can't be in on other surgeries. Especially rarely-performed ones."

Derek was shaking his head, thinking she really did not know his wife and why she made certain decisions.

"She asked Dr. Bailey to help her too. Dr. Bailey's good," George reminded them.

"Addison's performed this twice before and she's had no fatalities," Derek added, turning his attention to Burke.

"She's good," said Burke.

"She's the best," Derek stated quietly, focusing his attention back on the OR.

Addison was heavily focused on her job that she had to swallow back any nausea she was feeling. Screw 'morning sickness' she thought. More like all-day sickness.  
More than once, she blanched during the surgery but she composed herself right away, as to not alert anyone of any changes in her appearance. Alex didn't notice because he wasn't looking for any signs of anything, but Miranda did notice and she got a funny feeling. _Mmm hmm_ she said to herself. _McDreamy got his McWife pregnant._

"Dammit, there's a bleeder!" Addison exclaimed.

Suddenly there was a flurry of activity as people rushed to find the bleeder and stop it.

"We are not going to lose this patient," Addison said determinedly.

"Dr. Bailey, what are the stats on the baby?"

"Blood pressure's dropping, oxygen dropping."

"Dammit, we have to find this bleeder."

Everyone in the gallery stood up to get a better look and Derek moved closest to the window, watching his wife try to save two lives.

"Found it," Addison announced with relief. "Okay Karev now I need you to deliver this baby while I get the bleeder. Dr. Bailey and I will lead you through it."

"Shouldn't Dr. Bailey?"

"No, I need her to help me with the mother."

Nodding, Alex followed her instructions.

His face pressed against the window, Derek watched his wife with a certain amount of pride. He always liked to watch her operate at Mt. Sinai. But since she came to SGH, he honestly hadn't watched her surgeries, unless they were working together. So he forgot how much she impressed him. Her skills were unmatched in her field. And it wasn't just her surgical skills, it was her bedside manner. She was gentle yet firm with her patients. And she was a softie when it came to the babies. Why had he forgotten that? Why did he _choose_ to forget those things? He didn't quite know the answer.

Meredith Grey carefully watched Derek watching his wife. The expression on his face when he turned around to say something to Burke was unreadable. It made her feel uncomfortable though, as if she were intruding on something private between the spouses. And that was something she just didn't get. Just a week or two ago, the Shepherds were barely speaking. What happened to change things?

Addison was beat after that surgery. It was hellish but in the end, both of her patients were stable. She just wanted to go home—which was ironic, considering she didn't have a home, just a hotel—take her shoes off, and lounge on the bed for the rest of the evening.

"Nice work in there," Miranda complimented her at the sink when they were finished in the OR.

"Thanks. You too. You were a big help. Even Karev…"

Bailey nodded. Her intern did her proud.

"He has a knack for this, but he doesn't realize it yet," added Addison.

Laughing, Bailey said, "It kills him, having to work in the gynie squad. Which is why it's so much fun that he's your slave."

"Miranda," Addison began as she left to go to the locker rooms.

"So, how about we do something to celebrate this."

"What do you have in mind?" Addison asked tiredly, leaning against the lockers.

"Hi guys," Callie Torres greeted as she slipped out of her scrubs' top and into a blouse.

"Dr. Torres," Bailey acknowledged.

"Call me Callie," she told her.

"Hi Callie," Addison greeted and then turned her attention back to Miranda. "So, what did you have in mind for celebration? I'm really beat."

"I know but it's your first day back and you've kicked surgeries' ass and then some. So we gotta celebrate. I'm thinking a few rounds at Joe's."

Eyes widening, Callie watched Addison for her reaction. Addison managed to hold it in. "I don't think so, Miranda, maybe another time."

"Why not, it'd be fun. Just you and me—and hey if Dr. Torres, I mean Callie here wants to join, the more the merrier. I could use a drink."

"Aren't you breast-feeding?" Addison wondered.

"You're right. Dammit."

Addison laughed and Callie gave her a relieved look. Addison saved herself by that. Now _she_ wouldn't have to explain why drinking wouldn't be such a hot idea for herself.

"But," Miranda continued, "I can hang there and have something non-alcoholic while you two get your drink on."

"Get our drink on? Miranda Bailey what is happening to you?"

Frowning, she admitted, "Spending too much time with the damn interns. No offense," she referred to Callie.

"None taken. George is great but some of the rest of them…never mind."

"Miranda, I appreciate the offer but honestly I am really beat and I have to unpack my stuff and I want to unwind with a good book or movie, you know? Just low-key."

"Mmm hmm. Another time."

Addison nodded and then Bailey left to check on those interns of hers.

"You think she suspects?" Callie asked once the coast was clear.

"No. She knows. She's Bailey."

That was enough explanation.

"She won't tell anyone though."

"I know she won't. Ugh," Addison moaned as she slipped into her dress. "What a day. I'm ready for it to be over."

"Me too. Well, I'm going to high-tail it to the hotel."

"Hotel?" Addison questioned, looking at Callie in surprise.

"Yeah, I'm staying at the Regency. I haven't found an apartment yet."

"Interesting. Well we're practically neighbors then."

Raising a brow, Callie said, "Really? No trailer for you then?"

Chuckling, she said, "No. Thank God. That thing was tiny."

"I don't really get the appeal myself. Hey, do you need a ride over?"

Giving her a grateful look, Addison nodded. "Yeah, that'd be great," she said, shutting the locker behind her.

"Okay, I have a couple things to do but I'll be ready in fifteen. Meet you at the lobby."

"Great, thanks Callie."

"No problem," she said with a smile.

"Nice work there, Dr. Shepherd," her husband surprised her when he followed her onto the elevator.

"Derek…what are you talking about?"

"The surgery. You did it. Again."

She looked at him in confusion. "Have you been talking to Bailey?"

Shaking his head, Derek said, "Nope. I saw."

"How…you…you mean you watched?" her voice was full of surprise.

"I did. Very impressive, Dr. Shepherd."

"Thank you…Dr. Shepherd."

"So, I was thinking we could talk tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yeah. I was thinking I could drive you to the hotel and we could order something to eat…"

"I actually ate dinner, Derek."

"Good. I know it's really easy to skip meals in our field, but you really need to eat," he said, his voice turning serious.

"I know." Her voice was soft. She planned on being careful during this pregnancy—she was last time but this time she had even more incentive.

"Still, we could order in some ice cream or something and just talk."

"Derek, I appreciate it but I'm not really ready to have a serious talk tonight."

"Doesn't have to be serious."

"Derek. We need to just…take a breather you know? You can't come over to the hotel every night. You have a place to live and I have to find one."

"I can help you."

"I need to do this, Derek. Please."

Sighing he said, "Fine. But we do have things to discuss. Like when to tell Richard."

"I know. I want to wait a few more weeks. At least until I'm in my second trimester. At that point," she said, swallowing, "at that point I'll feel better about telling people."

"Addie," Derek began softly but stopped when he saw the look on her face. "I understand."

And he really did.

"So, no telling anyone except our families—and most of them know by now anyway. The only one who knows for sure here is Callie though Bailey I think suspects. But she won't tell anyone."

"I doubt it. She's Bailey."

They exited the elevator together and Addison stood in the lobby, looking at her watch.

"Are you sure can't I at least give you a ride back to the hotel?"

"Derek that would be silly, it's out of your way."

"I don't mind."

"I have a ride."

When Derek raised a brow in surprise, she added, "Dr. Torres—Callie—is staying at the hotel too and offered me a ride."

"Oh. Well, that's good then."

Callie showed up a short time later and Addison started to leave but after looking at her husband, she stepped over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Good night Derek."

"Good night Addison."

"So Bambi, what's up with that?"

"With what?" George asked Alex in confusion.

"Your girlfriend walking out with Montgomery-Shepherd."

"What of it? They're friends."

"Friends? Since when?" Izzie questioned.

"Since…I don't know. Does it matter?"

"Strange bedfellows," Yang commented.

George gave her an 'are you crazy' look.

"Well, they would make a hot pair."

"Shut up Alex," said an annoyed Meredith.

Alex rolled his eyes at her and left.

"That's odd, isn't it? I mean, Addison went off with Callie and Derek went off on his own."

Cristina shrugged, not really caring, though she knew her best friend cared too much.

"Maybe they're not back together," suggested Izzie.

"But they seem…different. Don't they seem different?" Meredith wondered. Nobody answered her though. Because honestly, they knew something was different with the McMarrieds. They just didn't want to say it.

"Don't you have a date tonight with the vet?" Cristina asked, changing the subject.

"Oh. Yeah. I do."

"Well come on then, Mere, we'll make you so beautiful you'll knock his socks off and you'll forget all about McDreamy," Izzie said, grabbing Meredith's hand.

"Hey Callie," began Addison as she walked over to her hotel room and unlocked the door.

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell anyone…"

"I won't. I promise."

"Not even George."

"No worries. It's none of my business, really. You tell people when you're ready to."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

"No problem. Need any help unpacking?"

"Honestly, I'm okay. Just going to take it easy tonight. Thanks for the ride."

"Anytime. Later."

"Night."

Callie left and Addison pulled out a pair of sweats from her suitcase which she changed into. "There. So much better," she mused to herself as she hunkered onto the bed and turned on the TV.

She started to watch one of her favorite shows but she wound up falling asleep mid-way through the episode. When she woke up to use the bathroom, the TV was blaring at her. She was thoroughly wiped.

The next couple of weeks flew by for Addison. She got back to the swing of things at Seattle Grace Hospital and she was trying to get a handle on her personal life as well. Living at the luxury hotel was nice, but she still felt lonely at times. However, as much as she may have wanted to seek out Derek, she knew that it was better for her, for everyone involved that she didn't. She really needed this time to figure things out—they both did. So when she was lonely, she called her friends (Savvy, Weiss, Sam, and Naomi, amongst others) or she invited Callie Torres for a visit. Because they [practically lived next to each other, it was very convenient for one or the other to slip in a hotel room for a visit, for dinner, movies, chatting. On the surface, Addison and Callie were two very different people, but they found that they had more in common than they'd imagined. They got along well. Miranda Bailey was also a visitor to the hotel and sometimes the three of them would go out for dinner—but never drinks. Bailey never pressed upon it, but she knew (and Addison knew she knew) about the pregnancy.

For his part, Derek did give Addison the space she so desired. It was hard for him, but he backed off. Still, he made sure that she got lunch every day and occasionally he'd send her dinner too. On a few occasions, they had those meals together and conversation was pleasant and light. They didn't delve into very serious discussions about their future, their marriage, anything that might cause pain. There were times when Derek wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her like she'd never been kissed and other times when he wanted to throttle her for her stubbornness. Obviously he did neither.

As for Meredith, well she was still dating the vet and he had plans for her and he was nice and kind and everything a woman could want in a man except he wasn't McDreamy, he wasn't Derek and she still wanted Derek and she still hoped that he wanted her, even if it did seem like he was trying to make a go with his wife. But that was the weird thing. In some ways, Derek seemed protective of Addison and yet in others, they still seemed at odds. She had heard through the hospital grapevine that Addison was living at the ritzy hotel (this was culled from George who let slip that Addison and Callie would hang out at the hotel together) and Derek was still at his trailer. She hoped he wouldn't give up that trailer for Addison, that would be wrong and not Derek. She also hoped that he would realize that what he felt for his wife was, as he'd told her one time, obligation. They had a fairly long marriage, who knew how long they knew each other before them; it was understandable for Derek to have trouble leaving such a relationship. But he wasn't happy with Addison (was he?), he was happy with her.

Addison still hadn't seen her new obgyn, but she had recommendations from Nancy and made an appointment with one at Mercy for the following week. Having her doctor there would ensure that some of her privacy would remain intact. Her appointment was for a check-up at 12 weeks, at which point she'd have another ultrasound. Derek insisted on accompanying her and Addison was glad; she wanted him there. But right now she was still in her eleventh week, a week which was fraught with anxiety as it was in this week the first time that she lost their baby. If she made it past this week and the next and into her second trimester, Addison would feel at ease. She would tell Richard (or she and Derek would, they hadn't decided yet) and others at the hospital about the pregnancy.

"Hey Addison," Callie greeted as she met up with her new friend at the lobby of the hotel.

"Hey Callie, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine and how's the mommy?"

"The mommy just dealt with half an hour of morning sickness and is still queasy but otherwise, she deals."

Callie laughed at Addison's use of third person, but she also told her friend that she was sorry about the nausea and then she handed her a box of Saltine's that she kept with her in her car.

"Thanks," Addison said gratefully as she got into Callie's car (they often carpooled if their schedules meshed).

"No problem. So, you ready to take a look at those places you found online?" Callie asked, referring to some houses that Addison wanted to check out.

"Yeah, we can do that after work. Thank God it's just a regular shift."

"Amen."

"Good Morning, Dr. Shepherd," greeted her husband outside of her office, holding breakfast in his hands.

"Dr. Shepherd," she greeted back, rolling her eyes and unlocking her door.

"Breakfast?" Derek asked, not sure if she'd eaten already.

"Thanks but no. I already ate."

He looked at her suspiciously but the look she gave him in return told him not to push. "Okay, okay." He looked her over. She looked tired. "Are you sleeping enough?"

"Derek, I'm doing the best I can. This actually means I am. But I tire more easily these days. And the not-just-morning sickness thing doesn't help with that. I was up last night and this morning with it."

Frowning, he moved closer to her and rubbed her shoulders. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"It's not your fault," she told him.

Smirking, he said, "It kinda is."

"Derrrrrek," she sang, shaking her head at him.

"Sorry, can't help myself. So, you ready for next week's appointment?"

"I'm ready for next week," she muttered.

"I know," he said softly, knowing very well what this week—her eleventh week of pregnancy—signified to her, to them.

Swallowing back tears that had formed, Addison said, "Sorry. Hormones."

"Addison…It'll be okay. You will be okay. You both will," he told her, pulling her in for a hug.

Leaning against him, she closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. "I hope so."

"I know so," he said confidently, before composing himself and heading out to see a patient.

Addison wished she had his confidence.

"Dr. Karev, I need those charts ASAP," Addison ordered her intern.

"Lab techs said it would be ten more minutes," he reminded her.

"Fine," she snapped, closing a different patient's chart and returning to her office.

Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang stopped by and asked Alex what was going on.  
"Satan's in a state of PMS. Avoid her at all costs."

"Say no more Evil Spawn."

"Shut up, Yang."

"Hey you two, can you not? Seriously, why are you two so hateful to one another? Can't we all get along?"

"Are you Bambi now?" Alex wondered, thinking that Meredith had softened.

"Hey, we could learn a lesson or two from George," Izzie (who'd come along shortly after) said.

"A lesson in what? You know what, never mind. You've got the hots for a freakin' heart patient, and she thinks she's in love with a married man and she…she's a robot," he tossed at them.

Cristina and the others merely rolled their eyes at Alex and then pushed a cart towards him, telling him to bring it to Bailey.

"What for? I have charts to give the She-Shepherd."

"I'll get the charts. Bailey wants you to bring this cart to her."

"Please. You're just lazy." He pushed the cart aside, and stood, watching the clock.

After her beeper went off, Addison poked her head out. "Alex, I need those charts _now_," her voice was urgent. "The patient needs emergency surgery."

"Got it," he called after her, running to the lab. Izzie and Meredith pushed the cart back and forth to each other and then decided to send it to Cristina but a distracted Addison ran into the halls in her heels and lost her footing, tripping on something that had fallen off the cart, landing on her stomach.

"Oh God," Izzie moaned. What had they done?

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd? Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" she called out but there was no answer.

"Shit. I'm going to get the chief."

"The chief? Cristina, don't you think you're overreacting?"

"Meredith, no. I'm going. Are you just going to stand there and do nothing?" she asked her best friend who seemed immobile.

"I, I…" she began but faltered when she looked down at Addison who looked so pale.

"Hey Addison, we're going to lunch," Derek called out, walking towards her office.

He halted in his tracks when he saw the commotion in the hall and a prone figure on the ground. "Addison?" he cried when he saw her red hair on the tile.

"Derek…" Meredith began but he didn't look at her.

"Addison? Come on, wake up. It's Derek."

"Derek, what's going on, how's Addison?" Richard asked, jogging over to the scene.

"I don't know. Call Dr. Bailey. And call Dr. Simmons."

"Dr. Simmons? But…"

"Addison's pregnant, Richard," he whispered, and ignored the gasps from the women next to him.


	19. Chapter 19

_**"Wise Up" 19/? Derek/Addison**_  
**Author's Note:** A much shorter turn-around this time, woo hoo! Please [try to ignore any medical fallacies. I did my best, spending a lot of time on websites researching this stuff to try to get the basic gist of things. There was some discrepancies and a lot of what I read through did not make sense to a layperson such as myself. LOL So I apologize for any mistakes. But come on, even _GA_ doesn't get all of its medical stuff right! This chapter is the longest chapter thus far. This is a pretty long story and I won't be done for some time. Hope you don't mind long chapters/stories! Enjoy and as always, feedback craved and loved. P.S. This one is for **kedda**, hope you approve!

_crazy-chica6__--Seriously, I hate Meh too! Well, she's a bit thick. And to be fair (gripes), Derek has been all about the mixed signals with both of them and he hasn't said he loves his wife. But he hasn't acted (thank goodness) like he loves her lately so that should clue her in!_

_FHB status will be updated in this chapter, hee! I'll keep 2nd semester lovin' in mind._

_tvdunlop_--_Uhoh, not good if the author is threatened. I hope I updated soon enough for you. Wow, you think it's quick-paced? I feel like it's slow, lol. Thanks_

_Eleanor J.__--I hope you're off those pins and needles after this chapter. They gotta hurt!_

_WeAreAddisonAandDerek--You'll find out in this chapter, I promise! Yay for loving this, thanks!_

_Richiey--Oh yeah baby, nice pun! Hee. Meh so needs to be killed, doesn't she? Yeah you know I realized I'm doing a number on Izzie, I think it's season 3+ resentment rearing it's head. She's so annoying._

_Yay, those three are great together and I intend to write more of them in the future. I wish they were written together on the show._

_Isn't it kinda...strange...not to hate Derek?_

_Hmm, I think Judge Richiey would sentence them to death! ;) Thanks so much, pal!_

**Title: **Wise Up ch. 19  
**Rating: **PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary: **Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer: **Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

Richard looked at Derek in surprise and in fear. He remembered what happened to their first baby, how torn up his friends were, particularly Addison. If anything happened to her or that baby…

Getting in control, he turned his attention to the interns. "All right, Stevens I want you to page Dr. Bailey and Dr. Simmons, STAT. Tell them to meet you in Exam Room 3. Yang, get some orderlies and find a stretcher. Now." Both ladies contained their surprise at the news of the pregnancy and scrambled to follow his orders.

"Grey," Richard began. "Grey, what in the _hell_ happened here?" he asked, surveying the cart and its spilled contents next to Addison who lay still on the floor.

Meredith was locked in place, unable to say or do anything but watch Derek as he smoothed back Addison's hair and told her to wake up.

"Grey, I want answers and I want them now."

"I…we….she…she fell sir."

Eyeing her, the Chief didn't believe that was all to the story, but he turned his attention to Yang and the orderlies who had arrived with the stretcher.

"Be gentle with her," he told them as they began to lift her off the floor.

"No!" Derek suddenly cried out at the intruders, putting a stop to their actions.

"Don't touch her."

"Derek, let them do their job. Let them take Addie so that we can have her examined and run the necessary tests so that we can follow the best course to take care of her—and the baby," he added softly but firmly.

"No. I can do it. Please, Richard. Let me carry her to the stretcher. She's…it's…it's _Addie_," he said, his voice choked with emotion.

Knowing that they were wasting precious time, Richard decided not to argue with Derek and instead help him move his wife to the stretcher.

"Remember to transport her on the left side to avoid supine hypotension," he reminded Derek.

Once they were done, he instructed the orderlies to wheel her into the exam room where Bailey and Dr. Simmons were waiting for them.

Derek stayed by her side the entire time, holding her hand as she was wheeled into the exam room.

He wanted to go in the room with them, but Richard wouldn't allow it and it really frustrated and pissed him off. She was his wife. That was their baby. He needed to be there for them. But Richard wasn't trying to hurt him; he was looking out for him. It was better that the exam was done without interruption from Derek who was not only a husband and father-to-be but a doctor and he might not cooperate. He promised to be out as soon as he could and give Derek an update and then he could go in to see her.

Alex Karev had been looking all over for Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd. She was supposed to meet him in the OR to go over their patient's charts. But she wasn't there and when he called her office, there was no answer. He looked around but no luck. So he decided to go back to her office, to see if she just missed the call.

"Where's Montgomery-Shepherd?" Alex asked as he rounded near the scene.

Biting her lower lip, Meredith managed to croak out, "She…she fell, Alex."

"What do you mean, fell? Is she all right?"

"I, I don't know."

"Yang? What the hell happened?"

Shaking her head, Cristina said, "She ran out of her office and tripped on something that fell off the cart."

He looked at the floor with the supplies strewn on the ground. "Who put the cart right there in the first place?"

Glancing at her best friend, Cristina said, "Izzie and Mere were fooling around."

"Are you ing kidding me? Even _I_ wouldn't be so stupid as to fool around with a cart full of supplies. There are syringes there that if someone stepped on…for 's sake."

"Shut up, Alex."

"Oh can it, Yang."

"Alex, come on."

"Dude, what is your problem? What are you trying to do—injure Montgomery-Shepherd so that it will free the almighty 'McDreamy' for you?" This time he turned his attention upon Meredith.

"No!" she exclaimed, horrified at the accusation from Alex.

"Does the Chief know what happened?" a breathless Izzie asked as she got back.

"No," Meredith said quietly.

"Well, it was an accident, okay? An accident."

Alex looked at her as if she were crazy.

"What are you looking at me like that for? You weren't even here, Alex," she reminded him defensively.

"Did you get—?"

"Bailey and Dr. Simmons are in an exam room. By now Dr. Sh—Montgomery-Shepherd I mean, is there."

"Simmons?" Alex questioned in surprise as he tried to place the doctor's name. "Holy shit, she's pregnant. Jesus you two," he said pointedly to Izzie and Meredith. "Chief and Shepherd will kill you if anything happens to her and her baby."

Meredith shuddered, knowing he was right. She couldn't believe that this had happened and even more so that Addison was pregnant. Pregnant!

"Alex, leave her alone."

"They will kill you _both_, Stevens."

Peering at Alex, Cristina asked, "What's it to you anyways? Since when do you care about the She-Shepherd?"

"Look, she's not my favorite doctor or anything, but she knows her stuff. She's good at what she does."

"Aww, Alex is going to become a permanent member of the pink and fluffy brigade," Izzie teased.

"I don't give a damn what any of you think. I don't care about her; I just don't want her to die or anything."

Finally speaking up, Meredith said, "She tripped and fell, she can't die from that."

"Are you ing kidding me? Man, where's O'Malley, even _he_ would think you're all off your rockers."

With that, Alex left to find a nurse (not syph nurse) to find out his boss' condition.

_Pray God you can cope. _  
_I stand outside this woman's work, _  
_This woman's world._

Derek's left leg twitched as he leaned against the door, waiting for news. His twitching leg was nothing new—it was a sign of stress, of tiredness, of fear. Right now, all of those emotions ran rampant through him.

Logically, he understood why Richard had him wait out there. For any other patient, he would make the husband wait outside while his wife was being examined. But this wasn't just a patient…it wasn't _any_ patient. It was his wife. Their child. He needed to be there with them both.

Taking a deep breath, Derek exhaled as he ran his fingers through his hair. What was taking them so long? What was wrong? He had a sinking feeling that something was very wrong.

_Ooh, it's hard on the man, _  
_Now his part is over. _  
_Now starts the craft of the father._

A few minutes later, Richard finally appeared. "Derek," he started, looking at his friend and colleague who'd appeared to have aged ten years in ten minutes.

"Richard. What is it?"

"We need to perform an abdominal ultrasound on Addison."

"Okay," Derek said more calmly than he felt. "I figured as much."

"We need to assess what—if any—injury was sustained to the abdominal wall, to the organs. If there was any internal bleeding."

Closing his eyes, Derek asked, "Do you think?"

"Derek, you know what I feel about you. And Addison. I don't want to make assumptions. We'll get an ultrasound machine in here and have it done as quickly as we can."

"Is she awake?"

"No, and that's more troubling."

"She has a concussion?"

"We won't know the extent of her injuries until we run some tests."

Heart pounding, Derek sank against the wall.

"Derek. Derek I know you and I know what you're thinking. You're a neurosurgeon, so right now your mind is running through all the variables of what could—what might—be wrong with her. I know this is difficult, but you need to not think like that. Don't think like a doctor. She's not your patient—she's mine and Bailey's and Dr. Simmons and anyone else we might need."

"Fitzgerald. He's the only one I trust with her—with them."

"I figured as much so I paged him and after we do the ultrasound, he will check her out."

Exhaling, he asked, "And the baby?"

"We won't know until the ultrasound. Simmons is in there with her right now."

"And what is he thinking?"

"Derek…don't do this. His priority is the baby. Our priority is Addison."

"If anything happens to…"

Sighing, Richard put his hand on Derek's shoulder and squeezed it. "We're going to take the best care of them."

"The ultrasound? It's safe for the baby?"

"Derek. You know as well as anyone. No ordinarily indicated radiographic examination should be avoided during pregnancy. Irradiation of the fetus poses little risk compared with the dangers of undiagnosed maternal trauma," he rattled off.

"I know. I guess I just wanted to be reassured."

"Understandable."

"Can I go in there now?"

Nodding, Richard told him he could and then opened the door to let him in. Bailey was prepping her for the ultrasound and Richard was talking to Nurse Olivia who just arrived on the scene.

"We need a complete blood count, urinalysis, serum electrolyte level and glucose level and blood for typing and cross-match. Rh test. "

"Yes, Dr. Webber."

Looking at his wife, Derek felt completely helpless. "She looks so still," he whispered.

"She's just taking a little nap," Bailey told him, lifting her shirt off of her so she could put the hospital gown on her.

"Let me do that," Derek said softly.

As he lifted her arms out of her silk blouse and pulled it off of her, Derek took a sharp intake of breath when he saw the bruises that had already started to form.

"I don't understand," he said.

Miranda looked at him. "She wasn't going that fast. It's not like she was in a car accident or even fell down stairs."

"The tile is hard," Richard chimed in with the reminder. "She tripped over a cart full of medical supplies. "It was enough of an impact—"

He was going to continue when Derek interrupted him. "It shouldn't have been in the middle of the hall in the first place! Who would be stupid enough to do that?"

Richard and Miranda looked back and forth at each other, knowing that her interns had something to do with it.

"Derek, don't worry about that now. You have enough on your mind. I will handle it later."

Deciding not to protest, Derek nodded and then continued to remove Addison's clothing while Richard was talking to the other doctors to give the woman he loved like a daughter some privacy. When Bailey handed him the gown, she firmly squeezed his hand in support. He dressed her and then Bailey applied the gel on her abdomen.

"Come on, Addison. I want you to yelp at the cold feeling. Wake up," he urged her.

There was no response from his wife.

_I know you have a little life in you yet._  
_I know you have a lot of strength left._

"The baby?" Derek asked, looking at the screen in hope.

Taking over was Dr. Simmons who began speaking. "The sonogram will confirm gestational age and fetal and placental position. We also need to monitor the fetal heart rate, which is why we have that," he said, pointing to the device, "to do so. Fetal heart-rate will let us know the well-being of the fetus, as well, adequacy of Addison's circulating blood volume, and her compensatory alpha-adrenergic response."

"Okay…and you do that, how?"

"We're going to perform a FAST."

Derek looked alarmed, trying to remember what FAST stood for. Why couldn't he remember? He was a doctor for 's sake!

"Focused assessment with sonography for trauma," Bailey supplied.

"I know," he croaked out. And he did know. He was a surgeon, married to a surgeon whose specialty was being called on. But it was vastly different when his wife was the trauma patient.

"We'll also do Kleihauer-Betke testing to assess any fetus-to-mother hemorrhaging."

"Hemorrhaging? Jesus."

"Derek, I want you out of the room now," Richard told him.

"What? Richard, no. You can't do that."

"I can and I am. I can't have you questioning everything the doctors—everything we—are trying to do. Now I know why you are doing so, you're scared and you have every right to be. But you're no good to Addison in there. Let us take care of her. Besides, nothing can be said until all the test results come back. The results from the blood tests and the ultrasound."

"This isn't right, Richard."

"Derek, how often do we allow patients' families to be in the exam room when procedures are being done? You're not a doctor now, you're a husband. Wait outside if you have to, go to the waiting room, wherever you go, we'll find you and let you know as soon as you can come back in and as soon as the results are back. In the meantime, get a coffee, make some calls."

"Calls?"

"Her father. Your mother. They should know what's going on here."

His stomach twisted at the idea of calling either his mother or Addison's father to explain what was going on. How could he explain when he didn't even have any answers for himself?

"Derek, we need to get started soon."

"All right. You just. You take care of her, Richard. Bailey…you too."

"Of course. She's a tough one, she and that baby. Besides, Tuck needs a little friend to play with."

Nodding, Derek leaned down and kissed Addison on the forehead.

"I'll be right back."

_I know you have a little life in you yet. _  
_I know you have a lot of strength left._

"We'll take care of her," Bailey told him once more before he left.

Closing the door behind him, Derek felt his hand shaking around the knob and he fell against the door, choking back his emotions.

_I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. _  
_I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking_

Callie Torres watched him in fear. She and George happened to be at the nurses' station going over a patient's records when Karev came barreling past, rambling about Addison, a cart, the other interns, and her pregnancy. She was immediately on alert, worried for her new friend. George looked at her, realizing she knew about the pregnancy, but understanding why she couldn't tell him. They both asked what they could do to help and Karev said he didn't know, but he was going to ask Bailey if they needed any interns and George agreed.

The three of them saw Shepherd look absolutely exhausted when he came out of the room. Exhausted and afraid. They'd never seen him afraid like that. Even, George thought, even when Meredith was dealing with Bomb Guy. He felt like he should say something to him, but he didn't really know Dr. Shepherd. They weren't friends, he didn't know what to say. Neither did Callie. Alex didn't honestly care about McDreamy and what to say to him. He just wanted to be in on whatever procedure the She-Shepherd needed. He couldn't explain why, but he felt like he should be there. So when Derek left the area, he barged into the room.

"Karev, what in the hell are you doing here?" an annoyed Bailey asked.

"I…do you need any help with?"

"You want to help Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?"

"…yes."

Peering at him, she saw that he was being sincere. She wasn't sure if her friend would want him there, when she was so exposed. But she remembered Addison saying that Alex had a knack for this field and Addison was his boss, so who better to help?

"All right, fine."

"O'Malley is out there too."

"Mmm hmm. Well, we don't need ten people here. Tell him thanks, but we'll hold off on him for now. Ask him to check on Addison's patients, she'd appreciate that."

Nodding, Alex talked to Bambi before returning to help.

"Come on, Nancy Pants, " Mark drawled, staring across from her in her office.

"Don't pull that nonsense, Sloan."

"Is that all I am now, Sloan? Come on. You've known me how long now?"

"Is this a history lesson? We're talking about my patient."

"Our patient," the handsome doctor reminded her. "She's our patient. We need to work together."

"I know. And that means we _work_, Mark. Not talk about ancient history."

Rolling his eyes, Mark was about to make a retort when he heard "London calling, to the faraway towns, now war is declared, and battle come down" ring from Nancy's cell phone.

She didn't flinch as he raised a brow at her. "Answer it," he told her.

"No. They'll leave a message."

_Come on, Nancy, answer your damn phone_, Derek urged.

"London calling to the underworld, Come out of the cupboard, you boys and girls."

Folding his arms across his chest, Mark stared at her.

"Answer it."

"We have work to discuss. Our patient."

The phone rang for a third time, and Mark blurted, "It's Derek. Answer it."

Nancy didn't bother to ask how he knew who was on the other end. Of course it was Derek and of course he knew. They were both big Clash fans and Derek was the only one she'd set that ring tone to.

"I'll call him back later."

Mark and Nancy got to arguing about care for their patient when they were interrupted by Nancy's receptionist.

"Dr. Callahan, your brother, Dr. Derek Shepherd is on the other line. He said it's important."

"Okay, transfer him."

Mark sat and watched as Nancy took the call. "Derek? What's so important?...what? Derek, what's wrong?"

"It's Addison," he choked out.

"What happened?"

"She…she fell."

"Fell?"

The sound of Nancy's voice immediately alerted him that they were talking about Addison.

"I don't know what happened, Nancy. It's not good."

"Are you sure?"

"I don't know. Richard, Bailey, Simmons, Fitzgerald, they're all in there. She's not waking up."

"Okay, so maybe she has a concussion?"

"No, it's something more. I just…I know."

"Derek. Calm down."

"They're performing a FAST on her."

Closing her eyes and taking a breath before speaking again, Nancy reminded him, "That's standard procedure, Derek. They need to check the fluid and blood levels. And many other things."

"I know, that's what they told me. But Nance, what if…"

"Don't, Derek, don't do the 'what ifs'."

"It's her eleventh week, Nancy."

Nancy felt her stomach drop. "I didn't, I didn't realize. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to come there?"

"Would you?"

"You don't have to ask, of course I will."

"I'd love it, but I don't know. I don't know yet."

"You need someone there with you, no matter what's going on."

Closing his eyes, Derek nodded. He really did need someone. "Don't…don't call Mom yet…and don't call Addison's dad."

"They should know, especially her father."

"No!" He was adamant. "I don't want him…anyone knowing until we have the results and know what's going on with Addison and the, the baby," he added, his voice a whisper.

"Okay. I won't tell anyone. I'll catch the first flight out. Keep me updated, okay?"

When Nancy finished her conversation, she called her receptionist to clear her schedule for the next few days and to transfer her patients.

"Nancy. Nancy what's wrong with Addison?"

"Oh Mark…don't."

"Nancy, I'm right here. I can see it in your face. Hear it in your voice. Tell me," he demanded, his knuckles turning white, his face full of concern.

"Addison fell. I don't know the details. But as of the call to me, she hasn't woken up. She might have abdominal bleeding or injuries to her organs. She could have a concussion or other brain…"

"Jesus. And the baby?"

"They don't know yet. It's her eleventh week, Mark."

Covering his face with his hands, Mark shook his head. ". I'm going with you."

Giving him a look of alarm, Nancy told him not to. "Don't you dare, Mark Sloan. My brother and his wife do not need you, not now."

"But…Addison…I love her."

"I know you do or think you do, whatever. But remember your love for my brother? You were his best friend. What he needs from you is to stay here and not bother him. Please."

Mark grudgingly agreed with her.

Derek sat on a bench which was across from the exam room. He couldn't bear to be far away from his wife. So he just sat there, with a cup of coffee that Preston Burke handed him a while ago, and he stared at the rim of it.

Closing his eyes, Derek thought about everything that led to this very moment. Of everything that he had done wrong. How he had been so angry when Addison showed up in Seattle. Angry and belligerent. How he called her names. How he mocked her. How he flaunted his relationship with another woman in her face. How he rejected her. How he lied to her. How he never wore his ring. How he was as indifferent to her here as he had been in New York. How he never told her he loved her.

_Of all the things I should've said, _  
_That I never said. _  
_All the things we should've done, _  
_That we never did. _  
_All the things I should've given, _  
_But I didn't._

Over a year, he thought. It had been more than a year since he told his wife that he loved her. What was wrong with him? What kind of man, what kind of husband does that? Yes, Addison screwed up. Badly. But so had he.

Even though he didn't sign those divorce papers and said he was "trying," he never really tried. Not honestly. He gave a half-assed shot. He did it because he felt obligated…obligated because of the eleven—no strike that, twelve (they'd had an anniversary which he hadn't acknowledged)—years they'd been married. He didn't want to be thought of as a "bad guy." So he stayed with her. But it was more than that. It was the fact that he needed to see her. It was so much more than he realized when he chose her.

_Oh, darling, make it go, _  
_Make it go away._

What if he never got a chance to tell her? What if he was too late? What if she'd had enough of him? What if the baby didn't make it…what if she?

Squeezing his eyes, Derek tried really hard to remember a moment of pure happiness in their lives…it was when she told him that she was pregnant with their first baby. He'd give anything for them to have that _feeling_ back.  
Hope. Love. Faith.

_Give me these moments back. _  
_Give them back to me. _  
_Give me that little kiss. _  
_Give me your hand._

Alex Karev was the one who finally came to get Derek. "Chief said you could come back. He wants to talk to you about …her condition."

"How is she?" Derek asked when he spotted Richard outside the door.

"She's stable."

"Is she awake?"

"Not yet."

"Dammit, she should be awake by now!"

"You're thinking like a doctor."

"What else am I supposed to do?" Derek wondered, running a hand through his hair.

"I _am_ a doctor. I'm a neurosurgeon and I know what it means when a patient doesn't wake up after more than an hour now. What if that were Adele in there? Your mind would be going overtime thinking about all the things that could be wrong. So please, don't coddle me, just give me the truth."

Sighing, Richard agreed with him. "You're right. Okay, here's the deal: Addison doesn't need a laparotomy."

"Test was negative?"

"Exactly. That's very good news."

"Yes."

"There was minor bruising to her abdominal wall. She'll need to be closely monitored for a few days to make sure there's no distension. But she should heal."

"Internal bruising? That's never good."

"But listen, she's doing well so far—they both are. The fetal heart rate is good. The baby is _not_ in distress."

Exhaling, Derek nodded. "And neurologically?"

"She has a contusion."

Derek knew what that meant. It mean that there was some swelling, but that should heal as well, she just needed careful monitoring.

"She's in good hands."

"Nancy's on her way here. I want her to do an exam."

"I know how good your sister is, Derek. But it's unnecessary. Addison's been thoroughly examined already. Plus she'll be jet-lagged and it's just not a wise idea. She can observe and even consult if you'd like and she's up to it. But Simmons is her specialist."

Derek was too tired to argue with his boss, he knew it would be futile.  
"So what now?"

"Now we wait and we watch. She'll be hooked up to a lot of different monitors which will tell us what we need to know to care for her and the baby. They are both doing well though."

"Can I see her?"

"After she's moved to a room."

"Get her the best private room in this damn hospital. And I want the best nurses in there with her. And I do NOT want Bailey's interns in there with her—minus O'Malley and Karev if needed. But not Grey or Stevens."

"She's got the best looking after her, trust me on that. And she has _me_," he reminded Derek.

"I know and I appreciate it." And he did.

They stood there and then the door opened and Addison was being wheeled out. Impatiently, Derek waited until they gave the OK for him to go into her room once it was set up. Finally, he was let in.

Swallowing at the machines she was hooked up to, he rushed to her side and brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. "You know, you didn't have to go through all this trouble to get attention, Addison. You could have just called me."

_I know you have a little life in you yet. _  
_I know you have a lot of strength left. _  
_I know you have a little life in you yet. _  
_I know you have a lot of strength left._

"Even with all these wires, you're still the most beautiful woman. How is that?"

Bailey and the other doctors decided to leave the two of them alone for a while. They knew Derek would alert them (or the machines would) if a problem arose. But he definitely needed time with her.

Grabbing the stool that was next to the bed, Derek sat on it and stroked her face. "You know, that kid of ours? He or she is going to be one beautiful baby. Your genes and mine. I hope if it's a little girl, she has your red hair."

He ran a finger through a lock and twirled it around.

"Wake up, Addison."

_I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. _  
_I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking_

"You know, when you get better we're going to have to find a place. Because that hotel? It's nice and all, but it's not good enough for you or our baby. I'll help you look. Even if you don't want me to. Come on, wake up and yell at me for butting in, even when I agreed to give you your space."

"I know it's a few months away, but I was thinking…maybe we could go back to New York for Thanksgiving. Have it at Mom's with all the family, of course Dad will be invited. How does a Montgomery-Shepherd Thanksgiving sound? Or, you know, if you have a place, maybe we could invite them here. I wonder if they'd like it."

_Of all the things we should've said, _  
_That were never said. _  
_All the things we should've done, _  
_That we never did._

He stopped playing with her hair and instead took one of her hands and stroked it, rubbing circles around her palm, a move that she always used to enjoy.

"Addison," he said, his voice soft and full of emotion. "Addison I'm so…I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything I've done. Everything I haven't done. I'm sorry I haven't been the husband you needed."

_All the things that you needed from me. _  
_All the things that you wanted for me. _  
_All the things that I should've given, _  
_But I didn't._

Derek didn't make any heartfelt declarations that he loved her or would never hurt her or their child. He didn't make any promises to always be there. He didn't say anything more, he just rested his head against her shoulder.

_Oh, darling, make it go away. _  
_Just make it go away now._

Song Credit: "This Woman's Work"—Kate Bush


	20. Chapter 20

_**"Wise Up" 20/? Derek/Addison**_  
**Author's Note:** I don't have much to say with this one except that I hope you enjoy it and I really do appreciate your feedback! Also, I hope those who celebrate have a very Merry Christmas!

_Ladyforga 72: T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U! hee_

_Richiey: Perfection? gulp What a compliment, thanks! Yes, you can definitely say you love Alex. I do too and he will be in this story in the future. I like that he's often the voice of reason. Derek/Nancy were nice, weren't they? I enjoy writing their relationship. Ha, I love that you have changed your tune re: Derek._

_simbagirl: I replied to this on TheIncision but again, thanks so much! And don't worry, I can't even dance either…even the Snoopy Dance, lol._

_Mm: I'm sorry you feel that way, because I did state that you should try to ignore any fallacies. And GA does not pay very good attention to medical research as evidenced by Meredith still being alive after the drowning/being dead for a couple hours, and Seth Green's character living as long as he did. I did research this and what I wrote was plausible. Yes, emotions were heightened but the physical impact was not made up._

_EleanorJ: I cannot kill my readers! Aww, it's kinda amazing that I have people feeling badly for Derek, lol! Nothing wrong with living in Denile!_

_McDreamy'sGurl: Hi there, I think you're a new reader (or reviewer). It makes me happy that people like my Derek (who I feel is often unlikeable on the show, lol). Thanks!_

_WeAreAddisonAandDerek: You're welcome! You didn't really think I'd kill an FHB, did you? As for the other, you'll see. ;)_

_LaKeRfan: Yay for Derek love!_

**Title: **Wise Up ch. 20  
**Rating: **PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary: **Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer: **Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

"You have a lot of nerve following me," Nancy glared at Mark who was sitting two rows behind her in first class on a flight to Seattle.

Mark sat there with his arms folded across his chiseled chest. "Following you? I'm not a dog, Nancy."

Giving a smirk, she said, "You are so. I don't want to bother those next to us, so I'll keep my mouth quiet on the exact breed."

Mark rolled his eyes and tried to concentrate on his magazine. But it was a really boring one. He didn't care for The Wall Street Journal, but that was all he had time to pick up before boarding the plane. He should have just put the headset on and watched a movie. Instead he sat and was bored out of his mind, pretending to read. He did have the amusement of Nancy Shepherd Callahan's righteous-indignation.

"You? Keep your mouth shut? Nice try, honey."

"Shut up, Sloan."

She hated when he called her "honey" or "sweetheart" or any other term of affection because he didn't mean it. It came off as cloying and therefore annoyed her. But, it was how the two worked. He'd rile her and she'd rile back. There was give-and-take. When they were younger, it led to some very heated…intimate…moments between them. There was none of that anymore. Nancy was a happily married woman. And Mark? Well Mark still wanted (or thought he wanted) her brother's wife. And her brother and sister-in-law did not need any more trouble.

"Why are you here, Mark?"

Sighing, Mark said, "Because I love her, damn it. You can tell me whatever you want about how I shouldn't do this or that or say this or that, but you _cannot_ tell me how to _feel_, Nance. I love Addison. Something serious could have happened to her or the baby, I want…I _need_ to be there."

Closing her eyes, Nancy leaned her head against the back of the seat and said, "Something could happen to my brother's baby, Mark. Have you forgotten that Derek's the father? I haven't, Addison hasn't and Derek most definitely hasn't."

"I know he's the father, in the biological sense. But as for anything else? I'll believe it when I see it. Because the last I saw, Derek still was treating Addison like crap. And why should she or her child have to deal with that?"

"Things change, Mark. You of all people know that."

Mark didn't reply so Nancy added, "You have no idea what it's like for him, what any of this is like."

"And you do? He cut you—he cut everyone—out of his life for over a year!"

"And do you blame him, after what you did?"

"I wasn't the only one involved. But instead of talking it out, instead of beating me to a bloody pulp, instead of trying to work things out with his wife, he leaves her—he leaves us all—and runs away. Runs to Seattle. And finds some young, doe-eyed intern who thinks he walks on water."

Nancy couldn't debate any of that.

"And in all of that time, does he bother to call anyone? I don't expect a call, but his family? His other friends? Mom? His wife? No. He left them behind. He left Addison behind to pick up the pieces. You don't know what it was like for her; you don't know how she managed to make it through those days. I was the one who was there. I was the one who saw it all."

And there it was. The truth that Derek didn't know. Addison stayed with Mark for three months. Nancy didn't know if her brother was aware of that—if Addison or even Mark had told him. Based on his reaction, Mark certainly hadn't. She wasn't about to hurt her brother like that. Oh those three were one jumbled mess!

"Mark…the only thing I ask you is that you don't start anything. Check up on Addison, but don't cause trouble. She doesn't need the added stress."

Unfolding his arms, Mark drummed his fingers on the armrest and didn't say another word to Nancy for the rest of their flight.

"Dr. Shepherd?" George O'Malley asked when he entered into Addison's room that evening.

"What?" Derek asked, looking up in confusion.

"These flowers arrived for your…for Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd."

Derek was surprised. Who would get her flowers? Who would even know that she was there, besides the on-staff doctors? Maybe one of them got them for her.

George set the bouquet down on the tray table next to her bed and Derek looked at the display. Whoever bought them, spent some money on that arrangement, it was beautiful. He looked for a card and fond none. That's odd, he thought to himself. He briefly wondered if perhaps Nancy asked her secretary to send some.

"How is she doing?" George asked, looking at Addison's still, sleeping form.

Derek looked over her charts and at the monitors and said, "As well as can be expected. I just wish she would wake up."

Nodding, George said, "I'm sure she will soon. Is there anything you need from me or anyone?"

Shaking his head, Derek thanked him but said he was all set. George left to update Callie on her friend's condition.

Raking his hand through his hair, Derek looked at Addison's body. She looked peaceful, like she was having some restful sleep. And while that was good on the surface, he knew as a doctor that it would be better for her to wake up, get oriented, have more tests, and then she could get more sleep.

He was worried, though not as worried as he'd first been when he saw her lying there, her red hair in a pool on the ground. He'd been so frightened. Even though she hadn't fallen off a ladder or anything like that, she had been running, according to Yang, and she had her heels on and tripped over the cart and the supplies toppled over. That was enough of an impact to do the damage it did to her and the baby—and it could have done worse. So he was a very grateful man. He didn't know if he could handle it if anything happened to their child like the last time…and Addison? She would be inconsolable. He wished there was some way he could have prevented the accident, but logically he knew that accidents like that did happen. Still, it was one that could have been prevented—by whatever idiot(s) left the cart in the middle of a hallway like that with supplies falling over…if it had been a patient or a visitor who'd tripped and fallen? The hospital could be sued. Derek had his suspicions, based on behavior, that somehow Meredith and Izzie were involved and the thought sickened and angered him. He would deal with them himself.

Right now, though, Derek was tired. So tired. He didn't know where the exhaustion had come from but it gripped him. Before he knew it, he was asleep with his head on his wife's chest.

Miranda Bailey came into the room to check on her friend and see how Shepherd was holding up and when she got there, the sight of Derek asleep on Addison's chest warmed her. "Mmmm hmm," is all she said, before taking an extra blanket out of the closet and placing it over the twosome.

"That's how it should be," she whispered to herself as she checked Addison's vitals.

"And now it's time to deal with those interns," she said as she shut the door behind her.

Izzie, Cristina, and Meredith were busy with patients when Bailey pulled them out and into an enclave.

"Now I want you to tell me what happened with that cart and Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd and I want you to tell me now," ordered their resident.

The three women looked back and forth at each other and their superior.

"The Sh--…Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd fell," provided Izzie.

Shaking her head, Miranda said, "I don't believe you. That's what you tried to say earlier. There was a cart in the middle of the hall, a cart that was supposed to be sent to me, not left in the middle of a hall, and the supplies were strewn about on the floor. Now that does not just happen."

No one said anything. "Yang?"

Meredith's eyes pleaded with her best friends, but Cristina finally spoke up. "Izzie and Meredith, they were goofing off with the cart, pushing it back and forth to each other, and some things fell off."

Sighing, Bailey said, "I figured as much. You two are damn fools, do you know that?"

"It was an accident," offered Meredith.

"One that could have been prevented, Grey. Now you two are not children, so stop acting like you are. You don't just push carts full of medical supplies back and forth because you're bored. If you're bored, go empty bed-pans. Do you know what you risked? Do you know what could have happened to this hospital—to the chief—if someone was seriously injured? As it stands, I'm sure Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd has cause to file a complaint against the hospital if she chooses to do so."

Izzie and Meredith looked guiltily at each other. They hadn't thought of that.

"Yang, you are excused. But next time, you speak up and you speak up when I first ask questions, you got it?"

"Got it," Cristina said, grateful to be off the hook. She left the room without another glance at her friends.

"Now you two. What am I going to do with you? This is not your first offense—for either one of you. I'm sure the chief will want to deal directly with you, let alone Dr. Shepherd, but until they do, I am not going to let you off easily. Stevens, as of now, you are off the Duquette case."

"But…no! You can't do that," she wailed.

Bailey shot her a death glare. "I can and I will. You have grown too close to that patient as it is and I've heard rumors of you two as well as seen things with my own two eyes that would have you in big trouble if the chief caught you. So I'm putting an end to it. No more Scrabble games with Denny, no more heart-to-heart talks. I'll talk to Burke about putting a different intern on his case, whether it's one of my interns or someone else's."

Izzie felt tears well up. Denny….

"And as for you, Grey? You can do scut work as far as I'm concerned. You are also to avoid the Drs. Shepherd from now on."

"Now, you two better be on your best behavior from now on. I don't want to hear a peep from _either_ of you causing trouble. That is all."

Derek had fallen fast asleep against his wife, his hand instinctively protectively wrapping around her stomach. Unbeknownst to Derek, Addison was stirring.

Moaning softly, she slowly opened her eyes and took in her surroundings. Blinking rapidly, she looked at the familiar hospital walls.

Hospital?!

All of a sudden, the pain hit her. "Oh God, my head," she groaned, reaching to hold onto it.

It was then when she noticed Derek's prone figure against her. "Derek?" she asked.

"Huh, what?" he asked sleepily.

"What's going on?" she asked her voice dry.

"Addison?! Addison you're awake!" Relief surged through him.

"I'm trying to. But I hurt…what happened to me, Derek?"

"You fell."

"I fell?" Addison asked, confused.

"You don't remember?" Derek asked his medical instincts on alert.

"I remember…oh God."

"What is it, Addison? What do you remember?"

"The baby," she cried. "The baby. Did something happen to our baby?"

He didn't answer right away and Addison grew scared. "Derek? Derek please…" 

The machines beeped and Derek saw that her blood pressure was rising. "Addison, Addie please calm down. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. The baby is just fine, Addison. He or she is just fine."

Addison sank against the pillow. "Really? You wouldn't just say that?"

Shaking his head, Derek said, "Of course not. I promise you. According to all the tests, the baby is just fine."

"Thank God," Addison said as tears began to form and before she knew it, she was crying.

Alarmed at her tears, Derek moved in to soothe her. "Hey…Addie, it's okay. You're okay and the baby's okay. Please don't worry, baby." He kissed the top of her head and smoothed back her hair.

Nodding, Addison just stared at her husband.

"You're positive?" she asked once more and he nodded.

"You're getting the best care. Richard, Miranda, Dr. Simmons, and Dr. Fitzgerald are all taking good care of you."

"Dr….but he's a neurologist…like you." That did not bode well, was what she thought.

"Yes, well considering I'm your husband, Richard wouldn't exactly let me work on you."

She looked at him, confused. "I have a head injury?"

"A contusion."

That explained the head pain. "But I fell, on my stomach."

"Yes but when you went down, you also hit your head."

"There was no abdominal bleeding?"

"None. Just some internal bruising."

That explained the abdominal pain.

"Oh. Were the…tests run on the baby?"

Addison tried to remember what tests would be run, but her head was throbbing at the moment.

Derek eyed her carefully and said, "Yes. Everything is okay. Our baby is one tough little cookie…just like his or her mommy."

"Wait, you said Richard and Miranda are two of my doctors…they know don't they?"

"About the baby? Of course. I had to tell them."

Sighing, Addison said she knew. "But it wasn't how I wanted to tell them, especially Richard."

"I know," Derek agreed. He didn't want to just blurt it out either.

"Well if it isn't Sleeping Beauty," Richard said upon entering the room and seeing Addison awake. Relief washed through him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as he walked towards her, holding her chart in his hands.

"Tired. And fuzzy. And hurting. A lot."

Richard exchanged glances with Derek and nodded. "Well that's to be expected, Addison. You took a couple of blows with that fall."

"I don't remember how I did it."

"That's not important right now. The important thing is that you are going to be okay as is that baby of yours and that you get some rest and healing."

"Thank you, Richard. And for taking such good care of me."

Richard squeezed her hand and said, "Always."

He asked Addison a few more questions, wrote down some notes in her charts and then left the twosome alone.

Addison looked over her husband's form. He looked as exhausted as she felt.

"You should go home, Derek."

"What?" he asked.

"Go home."

"I'm not leaving you, Addie."

"You're tired, look at you. You should go back to your trailer and get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Derek told her, "Don't. Don't do that, Addison. Don't push me away, not now."

"I'm just saying. I'm okay and the baby is, according to you and Richard. So there's no need to worry or fuss."

"Are you kidding me?" Derek was incredulous.

"Derek, I fell, I wasn't in a major accident."

"Addison, you're crazy. You could have been—the baby could have."

"But we didn't," she added softly.

"I don't understand why you're trying to push me away right now of all times."

"Are you telling me you wouldn't sleep better on your bed and get a restful night's sleep and then a long warm shower in the morning?"

Shaking his head, Derek declared her the "most stubborn woman I've ever met. And you're wrong. I would not sleep better at the tiny, lonely trailer. I'm better off here, with my _wife_ and our unborn child. I'm going to take care of you tonight and from now on, Addison and you can't make me do otherwise."

"And you say I'm the stubborn one?"

"All right, I'm sorry. I'm just a little stressed out with everything that happened and I just…"

"I know. It's okay. But don't push me away. I want to help you. I _need_ to help you," he added quietly.

"Thank you."

"Is there anything you need?"

"Water, please."

Derek filled a glass with water and handed it to her and she touched his wrist in gratitude before taking a few sips.

"I'm so tired," she yawned.

"Go to sleep. I'll be right here."

Derek sat next to her, watching her as she fell asleep. She was stubborn. But she was his stubborn wife.

Nancy marched into the halls of Seattle Grace with Mark hot on her trail.

"Addison Montgomery-Shepherd's room, please." Nancy asked at the information desk. When she got the room number, she found an elevator and after getting on, sighed when Mark got in after her.

"Keep your distance," she told him as he shook his head at her.

"Don't tell me what to do."

The elevator doors opened and she (and Mark) walked to the nurses' station.

"Oh my God," Meredith whispered, upon their arrival.

"What's got your panties in a twist now, Grey?" Alex wondered.

"I can't believe he's here," she said, not answering him.

"Who?" Alex said, engrossed in a patient's chart.

"McSteamy," supplied Yang.

"McSteamy came here for the She-Shepherd! Unbelievable," whined Izzie.

Alex merely rolled his eyes but he looked up from his paperwork and noticed his plastic surgeon idol standing a few feet away with a gorgeous brunette.

"I wonder who he's with," George piped up.

"Whoever she is, she's hot," Alex commented, sizing up the new woman.

Izzie jabbed him in the shoulder.

"What was that for?"

"God, Alex you are so superficial."

"Please, do not even go there, Izzie. What with your 'McSteamy this' and 'McDreamy that'."

Nancy thanked the nurse for her help and then started to walk off when she noticed a group of five young doctors—interns, most likely—standing there talking about McSteamy and McDreamy. Huh, they were talking about Derek…and Mark?!

Mark heard them talking as well. "Well if it isn't the Dirty Mistress," he greeted Meredith.

"Dr. Sloan," greeted Alex.

"Ahh, Dr. Alex Karev. How's plastics going?"

"He's not in plastics. He's on the gynie squad," Cristina filled in.

"Oh really. How can you stand all the pink and fluffy?"

Alex didn't give an answer to that, not wanting to justify why he was on the gynie squad. He still wasn't thrilled to be there, but he would not tell Sloan that he was actually learning from Montgomery-Shepherd.

"Shut up, Mark," Nancy admonished. "There's nothing wrong with the pink and fluffy. Any real man would know that."

"Oh, ouch, low blow" Alex couldn't help himself from saying and Mark glared at him.

"Can we help you with something?" George asked nervously.

"No thanks, I'm just waiting to visit my sister-in-law."

"Sister-in-law?" Meredith squeaked.

"Who are you?" Nancy asked, taking in the intern's face.

"Meredith, Meredith Grey."

"So you're the woman who's been screwing around with my _married_ brother."

Married brother…? Meredith wished the earth…or rather the floor..would swallow her. This was not her day.

"That's Nancy Callahan. Well, Nancy _Shepherd_ Callahan."

"You're Doctor Shepherd's sister?" George asked.

"Yes, but I'm also a doctor. In the fluffy and pink field," she added tersely looking at Mark and the interns.

The five some glanced back and forth at each other. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to see my brother and his _wife_," she said, punctuating the last word.

Without another glance back at the interns, Nancy walked up to Addison's room and opened the door. "Derek?" she called out quietly.

There was no answer from her brother so she stepped in and found him asleep on his wife's chest. Smiling, Nancy walked out and went to search for the chief.

"What are you five doing, standing there?" Miranda Bailey asked, perturbed.

"Nothing, Dr. Bailey," George supplied.

"Mmmm hmm, well this is a hospital, do something."

"Yes, m'am." George left to take care of a patient.

"Karev, I believe you have some paperwork to work on, to keep Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd apprised of her patients' conditions?"

"Yes," Alex reluctantly said.

Mark gave a nod at him and then watched as the stern resident turned her attention on the three remaining. "Yang, Dr. Burke wants you in on a surgery."

"He does? I'll be right there."

"As for you two, I do not want you standing around idly. That's what leads to accidents like earlier today."

Mark's ears perked up. Accidents? If those two dim bulbs had anything to do with Addison…

"Go!" Bailey ordered.

"You're good with them," he commented.

"You're back. Why?"

"That's none of your business."

Rolling her eyes, Bailey left and then Mark walked to Addison's room. When he got there, he took a deep breath before opening the door. As he entered her room, his face fell at the sight before him. Addison…his…Addison, lying so still with machines hooked up to. Though he had expected to see that, he had not expected to see his former best friend curled up next to her on bed, holding her tightly.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note:** Good morning, all! Sorry that it's been over a month since the last update. :/ First the holidays were about and I wanted a bit of a break, then writers' block hit, then life got in the way. I hope you're still hanging in there and that you enjoy the chapter. I will do my darndest to get the next one cranked out in a more timely fashion. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

_McDreamy's Gurl—ha-ha, nothing wrong with a screenname change and you don't suck at reviews! Thanks._

_Eleanor J.—I must confess, I'm loving this Derek too, fighting for his wife and family. There will be a showdown._

_I hear you regarding Shondaland. Thank goodness for fic and our own GA lands!_

_Anne—Hello new reviewer! Glad you enjoyed chapter 20. Hope you like this one!_

_Richiey—I'm always relieved when I pass your review, hee! At the rate I'm writing this, it won't be over for a while yet, so no worries. ;)_

_Well, in this chapter Derek sees Mark; he'll deal with the dirty duo another time._

_I hope you re-read the entire story to avoid family. g_

_skiergal—ha! More to come._

**Title: **Wise Up ch. 21  
**Rating: **PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary: **Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer: **Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

"Who sent the flowers?" Addison asked the next time she awoke. She'd been in a deep slumber which felt good, and when she stirred the first thing her eyes landed on was the bouquet of flowers. It was a very familiar bouquet.

Shrugging, Derek said, "I don't know, there was no card attached."

"No card? Interesting," Addison mused, though she had a sinking suspicion she knew who they were from. "Who knows I'm here?"

"Obviously the staff does. Oh and Nancy. She's on her way…wait," Derek stopped and took a look at his watch, "She should be here by now. I told her not to tell Dad until we knew you were going to be okay. I hope that's all right."

"It's fine," she said quietly. "I can call him later."

"No, I'll do it," her husband told her. "How are you feeling?"

"Kind of out of it. And I don't know why. I mean, I fell, but it wasn't down a flight of stairs."

"Yeah well you were knocked unconscious for a while there."

"What exactly happened, Derek?"

"I don't know. But I'll find out and I'll deal with it."

She knew he was keeping something from her, but she didn't press. "Okay. Thanks. And Derek?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you," she told him, her voice soft. "Thank you for being here for me …and for the baby. It means more than you know."

Smiling at her, he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "It's where I want to be."

"So, how long until I'm sprung, do you think?"

"Not too sure. Depends what your doctors say."

"Well that's obvious, _Dr._ Shepherd," she teased him lightly.

"You're in a better mood now than earlier," her husband commented.

"Yeah, sorry if I was …off."

"You're entitled." And he meant that.

"I'm sure you'll be released later today. But you're going to have to take it easy. You're going to be sore—"

"I already am," she said with a groan.

"And you need to be off your feet."

"Are you an OB?"

"…just married to one," he bit back with a smirk while she rolled her eyes.

"And no more heels, I know. My poor heels."

"Addison really."

"I don't care about them, honestly. I'm just saying."

"You're just being Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd."

This was weird, Addison thought to herself. Here they were carrying on like a normal couple.

"Are you hungry?" Derek asked, changing his train of thought.

"Not really. Maybe a little."

"Addison you know it's important—"

Cutting him off she said, "That I eat all my meals and take my vitamins and get enough fluids and sleep and be a good girl. I know."

He stared at her pointedly.

"I could go for some pudding I guess. Maybe banana. A muffin or something with carbs."

"Banana pudding?" He asked with a laugh. She never liked that before.

"Yes. And oh Derek please get me some bottled water. I don't like that stuff," she pointed to the jug of water which was sitting on her tray and was warm now.

"And lots of ice," he added, knowing her preferences.

"Yes, thank you."

"I'll be back in a bit. I'm going to stretch my legs."

"Lucky you," she told him as she waved him out of her room.

After watching her husband depart her room, Addison focused her attention back on the flowers. _How did he know?_ She wondered. Because it was obvious to her who they were from.

As Derek walked through the halls, he noticed a lot of colleagues staring at him. Gossip spread like wildfire throughout the hospital, so by now most people knew that Addison was pregnant and that she was admitted. Great. His wife was not going to be pleased that she was fodder for hospital gossip—again.

When he arrived at the cafeteria to pick up banana pudding, a muffin, and bottled water for Addison, he spotted a familiar face picking up a bagel.

"Rumor has it they're not as good as Manhattan bagels," he told the figure from behind.

"Derek Shepherd!" she chastised, whipping her head around to face him.

"Nancy Shepherd Callahan!" he greeted with a smile. Placing the items on a nearby table, Derek embraced his sister.

"I've missed you so much, Nance," he told her.

"Same here, little brother."

"Thank you for coming. You don't know what this means."

"I do. I'd do anything for you and Addie, you know that."

"I do," he acknowledged, kissing his sister on the cheek.

"Richard said that Addie and the baby are going to be okay."

Nodding, Derek said, "Yes. They are. It was a close call for a while though."

"But they're okay, Derek."

Swallowing a lump that formed in his throat as he thought about what had happened and what could have happened, he said, "Yes. I'm sorry if this was a wasted trip for you."

Shaking her short brown hair, Nancy said, "Don't be silly. I'm glad they're all right. I'm happy to be here. Maybe I want to see how my sister-in-law and niece or nephew-to-be is, in person."

"Well thanks. I appreciate it. And Addison will too."

"Can she have visitors?"

Shrugging, Derek said he wasn't sure but he assumed so. He told his sister that he was going to bring food back for her to eat and then her doctors were going to see how she was doing. He told her that she could visit Addie after.

While waiting for Derek to return, Addison protectively put an arm around her belly. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. Mommy's going to be more careful from now on. I promise you."

"Why am I not surprised you're talking to your baby?" a voice asked after opening the door.

Narrowing her eyes, Addison said, "Get out."

"Addison," the voice turned soft. "Please. Let me just see that you're going to be okay."

Relenting, Addison allowed Mark to enter her room. "Why are you here, Mark?"

"I'm here because I'm worried about you, Addison."

"Well, I'm going to be fine."

Picking up her chart, Mark looked through it. "See?" Addison asked.

"Yeah. Well it's no surprise, you're a tough New Yorker."

Pre-affair with Mark, Addison would have smiled at that.

"Why did you send those flowers?" Addison asked, pointing to the bouquet.

"Because I wanted to," was Mark's glib reply.

Rubbing her temples, Addison sighed and said, "You just can't help yourself, can you? And not including a card?"

Stepping closer to Addison's bed, Mark said, "If I sent a card, Derek would have flipped out."

"You're right about that. And if he sees you in here right now, he'll flip out. So go."

"Addison, I care about you. I love you."

"So you keep saying. But Mark, I don't love you. Not like that. I love my husband."

Narrowing his eyes, Mark retorted that, "He doesn't deserve you, Addison! He's in love with the intern. I know it, he knows it, and deep down you know it. So stop fooling yourself. You think that because there's a baby now he's going to change his tune and be Perfect Husband again?"

Biting the inside of her cheek, Addison didn't respond. It was her fear that Derek was only changing his behavior because of the baby and not because of her too.

"Come back to New York, Addison. I'll take care of you. And the baby. I'll treat you the way you deserve."

"You mean you'll cheat on me with my receptionist again?"

"Addison," Mark began but she cut him off.

"Mark, don't delude yourself. I'm staying here."

Mark was about to protest when Callie Torres entered the room with Miranda Bailey.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" Miranda asked the plastic surgeon.

"I'm visiting Addison," he said, stating the obvious.

"Addison, do you want this guy to visit you?" Callie asked and Addison responded by shaking her head.

"Leave. Addison does not need the stress. You're a doctor, you know that. Shoo," Bailey told him, making a shooing motion with her arms.

Mark rolled his eyes at her. "This isn't over, Addison."

"The hell it's not," Derek said as he entered the room with Addison's breakfast.

"Oh God," Addison groaned, sinking down against the bed.

"Well well well, if it isn't Dr. McDreamy himself," Mark said, crossing his arms against his chest.

"Well, well, well if it isn't Dr. McAsshole Sloan," retorted Derek, crossing his arms against his chest.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing in _my wife_'s hospital room?" Derek snarled.

"I wanted to see how she was."

"Get out," Derek demanded.

"Derek, stop being childish," admonished his former best friend.

"I'm being childish? Excuse me for not wanting my wife's mistress anywhere near me. Or her and our baby."

Callie and Miranda shook their heads at the men. Both were acting like children. Addison pleaded with her eyes to make this stop.

"Dr. Sloan, it's time for you to leave," Callie informed him.

But Derek and Mark were too busy yelling at each other about Addison, their friendship, and the affair to hear Callie's remark or to even care. Addison was growing more and more agitated and it was only the loud beeping of the monitors that stopped the conversation.

"Addison?" Derek asked, rushing to her side in concern.

Addison was panting, her heart racing.

"Her blood pressure is jumping like crazy. Dr. Sloan, you get out of here. Dr. Shepherd you page her doctor. Now," she bellowed and the men followed suit.

A few minutes later, Addison stabilized. "What happened?" she asked confused.

"Your blood pressure was elevated and you were on the verge of having a panic attack," explained Miranda.

Derek had returned to his wife's side but he was quiet. "This stress is not good for her. Or the baby. She needs to be calm. I don't know what that man was doing here and I know you hate him, but you leave her out of it. You two want to fight, you do it outside of _my patient's_ hospital room," she ordered.

"I'm sorry, Addison," Derek whispered, brushing back hair off her damp forehead.

"Addison, how are you feeling?" Callie asked, concern evident in her brown eyes.

"A bit better now that my heart has stopped racing."

Miranda made clucking noises at Derek.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—" Derek began, but his wife cut him off.

"Don't. Please just don't. Not now," she told him tiredly.

"Addison needs to relax and eat. Callie, you'll stay with her while I go outside and talk to her other doctor, right?" Callie nodded and then Miranda gave Derek a Look.

Sighing, he glanced back at his wife before leaving the room.  
"Dr. Shepherd, you know better than to fight in front of your pregnant wife with that Sloan creature. She does not need that stress, not now. So you need to suck it up and deal with it."

Closing his eyes, Derek took a deep breath before releasing it and agreeing with the woman they called "the Nazi."

"I'm going to talk to her doctors and see about her release and if it needs to be delayed."

Pulling the stool closer to her friend's bed, Callie said, "So, tell me how you are _really_ feeling."

Sighing with her head against the pillow, Addison admitted, "Angry. Pissed off. Upset. Annoyed."

"I figured as much. I know it must be very frustrating, but you have to do your best to keep calm so you don't raise your BP. You don't want to deal with preeclampsia."

"No, I don't and you're right. It's just…what on earth was he doing here?"

"McSteamy? I guess he wanted to make sure you were okay."

"He could have called and got that from someone else. He has his ways to wrangle that news. Instead he sends flowers without a card and lurks outside until he sees that my husband isn't with me before coming in and trying to convince me to return to New York."

"Well did it work?"

"What? Of course not. I'm not moving back to New York."

"Then it doesn't matter what he says or does. He's not getting the girl."

"This is so stupid. You know the two of them aren't even fighting about me as much as it's about each other and their broken friendship. It's just a pissing contest."

"Well let them piss all over each other and don't clean up the mess. They're grown men."

"I don't know about that one."

Chuckling, Callie said that sometimes it was hard to tell around here.

Addison asked Callie to hand her the food Derek left, and she ate it in comfortable silence with the ortho.

"Derek? What's going on in there?" his sister asked from across the hall as she watched him lean against the wall, hanging his head.

"I screwed up, Nancy."

"I saw Mark angrily march out of there and he said nothing as he past me. I'm sorry he was here in the first place. I should have told you—he was there when I got your call in my office, he followed me onto the plane."

"Figures," muttered an unhappy Derek.

"I take it you two came to blows?"

Derek gave her a pointed look. "Okay, not literally."

"We were arguing back and forth, it got pretty heated and Addison's blood pressure spiked.

Shaking her head, Nancy put a hand on her younger brother's shoulder. "Derek."

"I know, I know. Don't say it. I'm an asshole. So is Mark."

"Well…Mark is. I don't blame you for getting upset. He pushes your buttons. Just, don't let him push those in front of Addison again. It's a precarious time right now."

After giving Addison 20 minutes of alone time, Derek decided to venture back in, this time with his sister in tow.

"Nancy," Addison greeted, happy to see her sister-in-law.

"Hi Addie," Nancy greeted back, giving her a hug.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I just finished eating."

"Good. Well, I looked at your charts and everything is progressing well."

"It seems like everyone except I have read my charts," remarked the rueful patient.

"I'm sorry that you-know-who followed me onto a plane."

"Oh Nance, don't blame yourself. It's over. He's gone. It's over, right Derek?"

Derek nodded and then Miranda Bailey returned with news.

"All right, you are ready for release this afternoon."

Addison smiled, feeling better knowing that she didn't have to be stuck in a hospital bed much longer.

"You need to take it easy. And by taking it easy, no work for one solid week."

Eyes widening, Addison wanted to protest, but Nancy interrupted. "That sounds fair. It's something that you or I would recommend to a patient, Addie."

"Okay. You're right."

"And that means no calling the office every day to check on patients either."

"Yes, Bailey."

Bailey explained a few more things and then she left along with Callie.

"I'm so glad I can go home," the redhead mused. "Well, go to the hotel. Not exactly home, but it'll do…"

"You're coming home with me," Derek told her and his sister shook her head.

"Derek," warned Addison.

"Someone needs to keep an eye on you. That someone is me. You should be at the trailer with me."

"I'm not going into that trailer again. I won't go on that land until you burn it."

At that declaration, Nancy let out a chortle and Derek sighed. "You're too stubborn for your own good, Montgomery-Shepherd. Fine, you don't want to go to the trailer? I'm staying with you at the hotel. For one week."

"Derek Patrick Shepherd…"

"Don't use my full name, Addie. Either come to the trailer with me or I go to the hotel with you, no ifs ands or buts."

Pouting, Addison crossed her arms over her shoulder while Nancy looked upon the couple with a smile. This argument over willpower and stubbornness reminded her of many arguments they used to have. They were acting like DerekandAddison again.

Relenting, she said, "Okay, okay. You can stay at the hotel. For one week only, Derek."

_Score one for baby brother! Hope wasn't lost for those two._


	22. Chapter 22

"Wise Up" 22/

**Title: **Wise Up ch. 22  
**Rating: **PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary: **Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer: **Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

**Author's Note:** obviously it's been ages since I last updated. Yes, I had a major case of writers' block, and yes I had other things going on in my personal life, but I don't have a good excuse for not updating sooner. I completely understand if people are too frustrated with my lack of updating, to continue on with this fic. However, if you do stick around, I appreciate it and any/all comments. Thanks! This chapter is dedicated to Inge, Richiey, and TheImportantMrsJeter for never giving up on me or this fic.

"So where are you staying, sis?" asked Derek a little while later.

"The Regency Hotel. It's pretty close. What, why are you looking at each other like that?" she asked, noting how Derek and Addison were looking at each other with bemused expressions on their faces.

"That's where I'm staying."

"Pretty convenient. Can I bum a ride with you?"

Rolling his eyes, Derek said he supposed so. Addison laughed and told her of course Derek would drive them all after she was released.

Addison then asked for some alone time as she had been pretty active what with all her visitors that morning, so Derek and Nancy obliged and went for coffee, while Addison rested, musing over the events of the last day or so.

She was trying to read the paper but her eyes wouldn't stay focused when she heard a knock on the door. Groaning, she said, "Come in unless you're Mark Sloan."

"It's not Sloan," the voice called out, opening the door.

"Karev," Addison said in surprise at the sight of the intern who had caused her trouble.

He stood by the door, fidgeting with his hands, not sure what to say, exactly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked tiredly, wiping a stray strand of hair off her face.

"I wanted to let you know."

"Let me know what?"

"I'm going to be working with Chamberlain while you're out."

"I'm surprised. I thought you'd leap at the chance to not be a part of the gynie squad."

"I just thought that I'd keep an eye on your patients for you."

This surprised the redhead.

"Oh. Well it's not necessary."

"I don't mind." And he didn't. Sure it still sucked to be mocked about being on the gynie brigade, but honestly, he was learning a lot from Montgomery-Shepherd. She was a good teacher. And unlike some of the other attendings, she let him do things.

"Well, then thank you, Karev," Addison said kindly.

He nodded and then put his hand on the doorknob. Before opening the door, he turned around and looked back at her. "Keep an eye out on yourself and that baby. Take it easy or something."

With that, he exited the room, leaving Addison feeling confused and touched. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

A few hours later, Derek drove them all to the hotel. He held Addison's arm, walking slowly with her into the lobby while Nancy checked in. "Swanky place," Nancy commented, once the threesome got on the elevator.

"Derek?" Addison began a little while later.

"What is it?"

"I. I'm sorry," she said, her tone soft and apologetic.

"What for?"

"For this. For you having to be stuck in this hotel room, taking care of me," she explained.

He looked at her intently. "Addison…"

"You should be at home at your trailer. At least you have a home. You shouldn't be worrying about me or the baby."

"Addison…"

"The baby. I am so…God, I am so sorry that I put our baby in danger. Again. It's my entire fault."

"Addison," Derek tried to interrupt his wife, but she wouldn't let him.

Shaking her head, she was determined to continue with her apology.

"It was my fault we lost out first child. Mine. And if anything happened to this one, it would be my fault too. I was so stupid. Running into the halls while wearing high heels. What was I thinking?! No wonder I fell. Even without the damned cart in the way, it was an accident waiting to happen. I have no one to blame but myself. To put you through that again, the agony of waiting and worrying and not knowing if anything's wrong. _I_ did that."

"Addison."

"No, Derek. Don't let me off the hook here. I did that. I put you through that. And then to top it all off, Mark Sloan decides to show up and cause a scene in my hospital room and create a rift between us in hopes of, I don't know what."

Her breathing was becoming labored and Derek was concerned that her blood pressure was spiking, so he gently put his hands on her shoulders and told her to face him.

"Look at me, Addison. Take a deep breath. In…out. In…out. In…and out. Good, that's real good," he encouraged her as she followed his instructions.

"I'm sorry," she reiterated as tears formed in her eyes.

"It's okay. It is," he assured her as she shook her head in protest.

"Look at me. And listen to me. None of this is your fault."

She looked up at him, not saying anything.

"First of all, I am not 'stuck here' as you put it. There's no place I'd rather be. Do you think that I wouldn't worry about you and the baby if I were at the trailer? Because I could and I would worry. Even if this didn't happen, I'd worry about both of you. That's my prerogative as your husband and as the father of this baby."

Addison swallowed as she listened to her husband offer her reassurances.

"Second of all, it is not your fault that we lost our first baby. That just…happened, Addie. I would give anything for that to have not happened, for us to have our baby back. We can't change the past. You know that it is _not_ your fault."

She nodded slowly, although she didn't really feel that way, she just was tired of arguing and debating.

"Third of all," he continued, as he moved onto the bed next to her, putting his arm around her waist, "third of all, the accident in the hospital was not your fault. It was an accident. Wearing high heels is not the reason why you fell. It happened, okay? You're okay. The baby is okay. Everything is going to be okay."

Mutely she looked over him and saw the fierce determination in his crystal blue eyes and she gave him her response by nodding slowly and leaning her head against his chest.

"Finally, it's not your fault that Mark Sloan showed up to stir up trouble. You didn't call him. Nancy said that he was in her office on a consult when she got my call about you and he followed her on the plane."

She raised a brow at him and then shook her head, thinking, _he just doesn't give up._

"He didn't cause a rift between us, okay? Let's forget about him, for today at least."

"Okay," she quietly agreed.

Derek began stroking his wife's hair.

"You should take a nap, Addison. You're worn out."

Nodding, Addison agreed. She was tired and she wasn't going to fight it. "You're not…you're not going to leave, are you?"

Swallowing at the tone of her voice, he shook his head. "Of course not. I'll be right here. Besides, when you are awake later, I figured we could watch a movie. I had Bailey pick it out for you."

"Oh, what is it?" she wondered.

"It's called "Belle De Jour.""

"That doesn't sound familiar. Who's in it?"

"Well, it stars a young Catherine Denueve."

A soft giggle escaped Addison's lips. "Seriously, Derek? Catherine Denueve?"

"Seriously. Now try to get some sleep."

"Okay," she responded, curling up on the bed, laying her hand protectively over her belly while her husband watched.

In a hotel room close by, Nancy sat on her bed and rummaged through her suitcase, looking for her book and her iPod. While she did so, she was hoping that her brother and her sister-in-law were having a restful, peaceful time. After everything they'd been through, they both deserved some peace and quiet. If she wanted to ensure that they'd have peace, there was only one thing to do. A moment later, she dialed a familiar number.

"Sloan," Mark answered, annoyed that he'd left his phone on in his hotel room.

"Mark, what hotel are you staying at?"

"Well if it isn't Nancy Shepherd O'Callahan. To what do I owe this honor, no this pleasure?"

"Cut the crap, Mark and tell me what hotel you're staying at."

Leaning against the bed frame, Mark ignored the question and instead asked, "In the mood for a quickie, Nance? Best not to alert the husband and most especially not the younger brother."

Rolling her eyes, Nancy retorted, "Please, Mark. As if I'd be interested."

Smirking, Mark reminded her that, "Once upon a time you were more than interested…"

"Yeah well one upon a time was a long, long time ago, in a land far, far away."

"Then why are you asking me what hotel I'm staying at?"

Was he that dense?

"Because if you happen to be at the same hotel where Derek and Addison—" she began but was cut off.

"If I'm at the same hotel as Derek and Addison you'll…what? What exactly do you plan on doing? Throwing me out? Well, unless you've started buying hotels, you can't do that."

"Shut up, Mark."

"You're the one who called me, Nancy Pants. You know, it's pretty messed up that Addison and _her_ baby are living at a hotel and your brother is living in a trailer in the fucking woods in Seattle. How is that set-up supposed to help Addison, hmmm?"

"Stop trying to pretend you care about them."

"I care about Addison and by extension her child."

"They are being taken care of by Addison's husband and the father of her child, my brother."

"If you say so. I remain unconvinced."

"Well remain so in New York, Mark. Go back home."

"No," he told her defiantly.

"No?" she questioned. "That wasn't a question for you, Mark. It was a request. A demand."

"Who the hell do you think you are, to demand things from me, Nancy?" Mark was more than just a little perturbed. He was seriously annoyed with his former best friend's older sister, his onetime lover.

"I'm Nancy Shepherd O'Callahan, thank you very much. I happen to be Derek's sister and Addison's sister-in-law and I happen to know that neither one of them wants to deal with you, especially now. Can't you just give them some peace?"

"I don't want to stress her out, Nancy. I know it's not good for her or the baby," he admittedly tiredly.

"Then please, leave."

"I'm not making any promises. But I won't bother her—them—tonight at least."

With that, he hit "end" on his cell and closed it tightly before rubbing his eyes and staring at the wall of the hotel room.

Sighing, Nancy muttered under her breath about Mark Sloan before settling in with her book.

A few hours later, Addison was sleeping soundly, having unconsciously curled up against her husband who was still awake, keenly aware of any noises she made, checking her pulse every so often to make sure she was okay. Her pulse held steady and he was certain that her blood pressure was even. This was a relief. He didn't want Addison to deal with preeclampsia during this pregnancy. Nancy had been right—he had to keep a watchful eye on her and make sure she didn't get overstressed.

Speaking of Nancy, she'd sent a text a couple hours ago telling him that "he's not at this hotel, don't worry" and that she would see them tomorrow. Derek was relieved that the "he" in question was not at the same hotel; he didn't want another confrontation with his former best friend.

After Addison had fallen asleep, Derek rummaged through his bags and found a medical journal that he had yet to read, so he took it back to the bed with him and had one arm around his wife, the other fingering through the pages. When he got to page 45, he stopped, his eyes resting upon _Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd of Seattle Grace Hospital_. _What was this?_ he wondered, surprised that she'd made it into the journal. Well, that wasn't true. Addison had been featured in many medical journals and newsletters in the past. But he always knew about it when she was published because someone would tell him, that someone typically being his wife.

He wondered why she hadn't told him about being published. Did she think he didn't care? Sighing, he realized that she probably did question that. Derek had always been proud of his wife's accomplishments in the past; their relationship issues notwithstanding, he still was proud of her. Not that he could take credit for any of it.

Derek pored over the article about the case that had threatened to bring a lawsuit against Addison and the hospital, when she tied her patient's tubes without the consent of her husband. Reading everything she had to say about _why_ she went ahead with it, despite arguments from her co-worker (who was not named but he knew it was Alex Karev), Derek felt extremely guilty. All of that had gone on, and he'd been completely ignorant of it. Oh, he knew that there was a threatened lawsuit looming over her, but when she'd informed him, he didn't care. In that moment, all he wanted to do was have "hot sex" with his wife in the shower to wipe away the image of the vet and Meredith. Swallowing, Derek knew that that was the night they conceived their child. He was pretty sure Addison knew that too, but she did not know the events surrounding that night. A shiver ran down Derek's spine as he thought of what her reaction might be, if he confessed to her. She didn't need to know, he reminded himself. No sense in upsetting her. Any ground they'd made would be history.

Still, while he wasn't going to confess that to her, he felt like the neglectful husband he was, for not asking more about the situation with her patient and Karev. For not caring.

His thoughts were interrupted by the low moan emitting from his wife's throat. "Oh God," she moaned and Derek was on autopilot.

Shaking her shoulder (gently), he said, "Addison? Wake up. Wake up Addison. What's wrong?"

Blinking rapidly, Addison yawned and then peered at her husband who looked at her curiously. "Nothing," she told him.

"Addison." He didn't believe her.

"It was just a bad dream, okay? Nothing to fuss over."

"What happened in the dream?"

Rubbing her arms which now had goose bumps on them, Addison shook her head. "I don't. I don't remember. I'm hungry."

That was an abrupt change of topic and Derek knew it and knew that she was probably lying about the dream, but he didn't want to press.

"I'll order something. What are you in the mood for?"

"A nice thick cheeseburger. With lots of fries and ketchup. And a chocolate milkshake. Mmmm, that sounds heavenly. Please," she added sheepishly as he picked up the phone and laughed at her.

"Don't make fun of the pregnant lady!" she whined after he ordered their meal.

"I didn't say anything."

A short while later the food arrived, much to the delight of Addison, and they ate it peacefully while watching the movie.

"I can see it," Derek announced when the movie was over.

"What?"

"The resemblance. Between you and Catherine."

"Really?" Addison didn't think so, but it was a nice compliment.

"Really."

"Derek?" she started to say while she watched him take off his watch and place it on the end table.

"What?" he asked, turning his head to her.

"Never mind," she whispered as she looked down at the jewelry that adorned her hand. The rings that were resting on her finger.

_He still doesn't wear his wedding ring_ she sighed to herself.

She jumped off the bed and headed to the bathroom. "Are you okay?" he questioned after her.

"I'm fine. I'm just going to…I'm going to take a bath."

"Need any help?"

Shaking her head, she told him that she was fine. He gave her an unreadable look and then she went into the bathroom, locked the door and turned the water on. When it was to the temperature of her liking she stripped out of her clothes and submerged herself into the water and began to cry.

Outside of the bathroom stood Derek, totally bewildered as to why he heard his wife crying.


	23. Chapter 23

**Title:** Wise Up ch. 23  
**Rating:** PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary:** Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer:** Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own Grey's Anatomy.

**Author's Notes:** Well, I can barely believe that it's not even been a week since I posted the last update. Much better than six months, lol. Thank you to those who have stuck with me and this story. Means everything. I wanted to say that I realized that I made a faux pas with Nancy's last name—it should be just Callahan, not O'Callahan. Sorry for that mistake in the previous chapter, I'll make sure to keep in mind for the future.

I have a favor to ask: Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can improve the summary to this story? It's so generic and I really want it to be better. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

_raelenie--Gorgeous? That's a lovely compliment. Thank you!_

_crazy-chica6—I'm so glad you love this fic! Thank you for your review. The dream will be revealed in a future chapter._  
_Eleanor J.—I'm pleased that you felt the chapter was worth the wait. I know it was such a long one. I'm glad that you get that Addison has reason to hesitate. And that you see Derek's determination. I can't give up on Addek but like you the show? Pfft_

_SeriouslyAddison—Yay, thank you for this. AttentiveHusbandDerek? What a novel concept, lol. Aww, glad you liked the last lines._

The next day, Derek woke up facing Addison's back. He asked her if she was okay but she kept repeating the "I'm fine" mantra. Derek knew that wasn't the truth, but he didn't know what to do. She wasn't supposed to be under stress, so he didn't want to pick a battle with her. So when Addison took her shower, Derek decided on a game plan.

"Hey little brother, what's up?" greeted Nancy on her cell from a few floors away.

"Something's wrong with Addison."

"What do you mean? Has she had any panic attacks? Pain? The baby?" Concern was evident in her voice.

"No, not that," he brushed aside any medical problems. "She seems to be upset about something but she won't tell me. I know that she had a bad dream yesterday and maybe that spooked her."

Frowning, Nancy asked him, "Well, did you ask her what the dream was about?"

Rolling his eyes, Derek said that yes, of course he had. "But she said that she couldn't remember it. I don't buy that. And today she's all aloof. I don't know what to do," he admitted, his legs dangling on the side of the bed, listening carefully to make sure Addison was still in the shower.

"Do you have to work today?"

"I don't have to, I mean Richard gave me time off to take care of her, but I don't think she wants me to do that right now. But I don't want her alone, not yet."

"All right, I'll stay with her. That's what I had intended anyway."

"Thank you. Would you...would you try to get her to open up with you? She loves you and trusts you, I'm sure she'll confide in you."

Nodding, Nancy told him she would. "But there's a caveat: if she tells me in confidence, I'm not going to break that by running back to you with the scoop, got it? I don't want her upset with me too."

"Got it. It's okay you know, as long as she has someone to talk to."

"I'm impressed, little brother; you're actually acting like a real husband here."

"Don't start, Nance. Gimme a half an hour and in the meantime I'll order breakfast for the two of you."

"How do you know what I want?"

He rolled his eyes again. "Because I'm your brother and I know your tastes. Half an hour."

Addison finished the shower shortly thereafter and noted that Derek had changed into an outfit for work.

"Going to work? Good," Addison said, sitting down on the bed with a towel wrapped around her waist and another around her hair.

Derek looked over at her and swallowed, noticing how she had changed, even from the last time he'd seen her naked.

"Derek?" He didn't respond and she noticed his staring.

"Derek? Oh just put your eyes back in their sockets."

Derek laughed at that. That was the old Addie.

"Yeah, I'm going in. I thought I would try to catch up on my caseload."

Applying deodorant, Addison told him that was good. "You can't just stay here all day on my account and get behind on work."

"I don't care about that," he told her truthfully.

"Yeah well I do. I'm fine alone."

She towel-dried her body and then put on a pair of shorts and a tee while he looked through his briefcase.

There was a knock on the door and it was room service.

"Did you order something?" Addison wondered as she noticed food enough for two.

"Yeah. But not for us. For you and..."

At that a knock came on the door and this time it was Nancy.

"Nancy," Addison said when she appeared in the foyer.

"Good morning, Addie. Oooh, I see the food baby brother ordered arrived. Looks good."

Addison crossed her arms over her chest as she eyed the two of them. "You planned this. Derek."

"What?" he asked innocently.

"I don't need a baby-sitter. I'm fine."

"So you keep telling me and so I know. I didn't hire Nancy to baby-sit you."

"He couldn't afford me if he tried, Addie," Nancy told her with a smirk. "Seriously, I wanted to see you today, spend some quality girl-time together. Just you and me, no boys allowed."

Addison gave them both a Look before giving in. "All right. Fine."

"Yes!" Nancy said happily, grabbing a slice of rye toast and taking a bite while her brother and sister-in-law watched her actions and laughed.

"What? I'm hungry. Bye Derek."

Nancy wasn't exactly subtle.

"Good-bye my darling dear OLDER sister," Derek said annoyingly cheerful before dropping a kiss on her cheek.

Nancy swatted his back and Addison suppressed a grin. She always loved watching those two interact.

Derek leaned over the bed and kissed his wife on the forehead. "Bye Addie. Have fun--not too much--with that one. If you need anything, please..."

Nodding, Addison said, "Call you. I got it. But I won't. I'm fine. Bye Derek. Tell Richard hello for me. Oh and Miranda and Callie too. Oh and check on the babies for me."

Smirking, Derek chastised her. "You're not supposed to worry about work. Bye." With that he left and Addison was about to get up to go to the table to eat but Nancy put a firm hand on her arm and told her to "sit" and then came back with the cart of food and handed Addison her plate.

Addison merely stared at the food. "What? You don't like what he ordered? I can call and order something else."

Shaking her head, Addison said, "No, it's not that. It looks good; I'm not all that hungry."

"Queasy?"

"A little. I ate some saltines earlier."

"That's good. Well try to eat _something_, hon otherwise I'll have to lie to Derek. Not that I mind, per se, it'd just make things easier on all of us."

"I understand." Absently she picked on the food under Nancy's attentive gaze. The meal was eaten in silence except for the TV, Addison having turned on the news.

"That was good," stated Nancy when she finished her food and patted her lips with a napkin.

"It was. Quality hotel food. Always helps. And at the rates of this place, it better be good."

"Not as good as a home-cooked meal."

"No, but I don't have a home so for now this will do."

"What about that, Addie?" Nancy questioned as she stretched her legs out on the bed.

"About what?" Addison wondered, looking over her friend and sister-in-law.

"How long are you going to stay in this hotel? It's pleasant and all, as I said yesterday, pretty swanky, but it's not a _home_. Not for you. You need a place to put everything. All your shoes…"

Addison shook her head and laughed. "I have room here for my shoes. More than I had in the trailer."

"I'm not suggesting you move back to the trailer. Lord knows it had to be oppressive in there. I love my brother, dearly, but sometimes I don't get him. A trailer in the middle of the woods in the middle of nowhere? What's that about?"

Shrugging, Addison supposed she'd have to take that question to the source. "It was part of his whole "I'm a flannel-shirt wearing wood-chopping fisherman" persona he used when he came here. Used so no one would recognize that he was also a City Boy. Cultured and refined. Sophisticated. I'm not saying that the other side of him wasn't there because it was and you know that from childhood, but to me he very specifically hid the other side of himself when he came here. Granted, I can understand why he did that. He wanted to get away and what better place than Seattle? No reminders of his infidel of a wife or his life from New York."

"Addie," began Nancy though she didn't know what to say. It seemed like Addison just wanted to voice her thoughts, so she let her.

"He did love the outdoors. I don't hate it. Remember our trips to Martha's Vineyard? We had such a lovely time out there. Gorgeous weather and locale. That was also part of the allure of The Hamptons. There was enough for him to do outdoors when he got tired of being cooped up in the brownstone. But he loved that brownstone too. I know he did."

"He did," his sister supplied. "Wasn't he the one who found it?"

"Yes. He said it would be the perfect first home. Outside of the apartment, I mean. And it was. It wasn't too stuffy, you know? We had knick-knacks all over, pictures of all our nieces and nephews and our family littering every place."

Nancy smiled at her sister-in-law. "It was tasteful but it was also cozy."

"Exactly."

"I miss the Hamptons. I miss the brownstone. I miss Manhattan," sighed Addison who hugged her knees to her chest.

"Addie," began Nancy who placed a hand on her arm.

"I know things can't go back to the way they were before. I'm not stupid, I realize that. We can't be DerekandAddison again."

"Hey, don't sound so defeated," Nancy told her soothingly, stroking Addison's arm.

"I'm not defeated. Just resigned to the truth."

"Look, you can't go back. However, you can go _forward_. You don't have to stay stuck in this rut that you two have been in for years. And I mean pre-Mark and Meredith."

Addison glanced up over at Nancy. She was pretty smart. "There's…there's so much to work through, it's overwhelming."

"Sweetie, you don't have to work through it all at once. The important thing is that you work through it _together_. I know how much you want it to work. That's why you came to Seattle in the first place. I admired you, you know."

Addison gave a laugh. "Do not tell me you admired the woman who cheated on her husband with his best friend."

"I'm not talking about that. Look you know I hate what you did, I hate what Mark did. I also hate what Derek did. Nevertheless, I admired the fact that you decided enough was enough and you were going to follow him and ask for his forgiveness and _fight_ for him. Don't lose that fight, even if you stumble."

"Thank you," Addison said softly.

"I'm here for you. For both of you. Always. Right now isn't the best time to deal with these issues, I mean you need to take it easy and it will be stressful. But you two can do it. I have faith in you."

"At least one of us does."

"Hey. What's wrong, Addison? Why are you so gloomy? I thought things were going okay."

"They, I don't know how they are. This accident has left everything in flux. Derek's determined to stay here while I'm on bed rest."

"As he should."

"I need to find a place for me and the baby to live."

"You'll find something."

"I don't know if I want an apartment or a house, if I want Derek to live with us. We have a lot to work out."

"As I said a minute ago, you can do it."

Not looking anywhere in particular, Addison blurted, "He doesn't even wear his ring."

"What?" Nancy asked caught-off-guard.

"I've been in Seattle for how long now? Nearly a year. And he still doesn't have his ring on. His wedding ring. The one we chose together. The one I placed on his finger. He hasn't worn it in all this time. That says a lot, doesn't it? I still wear mine. And when I have to operate I take them off and pin them to the top pocket of my scrubs or wear them on a chain around my neck to keep them safe. For all I know, Derek threw his ring into the Puget Sound when he was on a ferry."

"Do you honestly think my brother was stupid enough to throw away his _wedding_ ring, Addie?"

Running a hand through her thick mane, Addison replied, "Honestly? I don't know. It's certainly possible. Why else wouldn't he wear it, even when he allegedly wants to try to make things work?"

Frowning, Nancy whispered, "I wish I knew."

"Nance? Please don't tell Derek about this conversation if he asks you. I don't want you in the middle, trying to mediate us."

Nodding, Nancy told her she understood.

Charging into the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital, Derek accidentally bumped into Dr. Miranda Bailey. He quickly apologized for his misstep.

"Didn't you learn anything from your wife's accident?" she asked him pointedly.

Heaving a sigh, Derek said, "I'm sorry, Dr. Bailey."

"What are you in such a rush over?"

"I'm not. I just want to go to my office and catch up."

Looking him over, she observed the wrinkles that had formed on his forehead and the bags under his eyes. "You need to sleep."

"I've been sleeping. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Mmmm hmm."

"Dr. Bailey—"

"What?"

"Addison wanted me to tell you "hello" for her. So hello."

Smirking, Miranda Bailey said, "And 'hello' back to her. How is Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?"

Running a hand through his coiffed hair, Derek said, "According to her she's perfectly _fine_." Miranda noticed the sarcasm on that word.

"Clearly you don't agree."

"Are you trying to give me advice on my marriage?"

Shaking her head, Miranda scoffed and said, "Hell no. I don't want to touch that with an enema."

Derek gave a chuckle.

"Just make sure she rests. And takes it easy. Doctors make the worst patients, you know that."

"I do. She's with another doctor right now—my sister. She's being taken care of."

"Good."

Derek started to say something else but thought better of it. Miranda, however, wouldn't let him off the hook. "What else do you need, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Your interns."

Preparing herself, she asked, "What about _my_ interns?"

"For the time being, the only ones that I will request are Yang and O'Malley."

"No Grey or Stevens? Got it. Can't say that I'm surprised."

"Good."

"What about Karev?"

"He remains on the—how is it he likes to word it—the gynie squad. Until and unless Addison says otherwise. He deserves it after that stunt he pulled," muttered Derek under his breath.

Quirking a brow, Miranda was surprised that Derek was showing any type of concern over what Alex pulled on Addison. Maybe he was changing.

"Yes well he's working with Dr. Chamberlain on Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's cases."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me, your wife had that idea—well she told him he had no choice but to work with her."

Smirking, Derek thought that's Addie.

Bailey was paged just then so she cut the conversation to a halt. "I'll keep your intern preferences in mind for the future. Tell Addison I would like to visit her sometime."

"Will do. Bye."

Nodding, Bailey hurried off on a mission.

"Looks like Shepherd is back," Alex idly commented while gathered with his fellow interns who were waiting for assignment from Bailey.

"Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out," Izzie retorted.

"Get your panties out of a bunch."

"Would you two just quit already?" Meredith asked, staring forlornly at the ground.  
"You know he's having a baby with the She-Shepherd, Grey. You might want to get over him."

Alex had a point. George knew it but he wasn't going to add salt to the wounds, even if a part of him really wanted to.

"I hope Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is doing okay," George mused, mainly to himself. Izzie had the courtesy to give a guilty look. Meredith continued to stare at the ground. Cristina didn't say anything and neither did Alex. Though Alex did hope she and her baby would be okay. He didn't know why he cared but for some reason a part of him was beginning to.

"You five are always in a huddle. What are you doing, standing around? Don't you have paperwork or something else to fill your time?"

Dr. Bailey was not pleased with her interns. Scratch that, with two of them in particular.

"We got the page Dr. Bailey and were waiting for you," supplied Izzie and Miranda narrowed her eyes at her.

"There was a shooting at a laundromat. Five victims. I want each of you—minus Stevens and Grey—to take one. Karev, you get the pregnant victim."

Yang smirked at him. Still on the vagina side, she laughed internally. The Nazi gave her a glare that said "don't even tempt me" so Cristina straightened her stance and nodded.

"O'Malley, you go with Dr. Shepherd. Yang, you're with Dr. Burke. Grey, you've got the pit and Stevens, go see what assistance you can be to Dr. Torres."

_Torres? She really was being punished_, thought Izzie.

"How are you feeling?" Nancy asked Addison a few hours later.

"I'm okay. Honestly."

"Good."

"You're not going to check my vitals or anything are you?"

Laughing, Nancy told her she wouldn't—for now. "Why don't we see what porn is on this TV." Nancy picked up the remote and started flicking through the channels.

"Nancy Shepherd Callahan!"

"What?" Nancy blinked at her innocently.

"You're too much. And I love you for it." Addison gave a genuine smile and was about to say just no porn featuring doctors and nurses when she received a call from the front desk.

"Hmm, I have a package."

"I'll get it," offered Nancy, jumping off the bed.

"I can—" began Addison but she was cut off.

"Nonsense. I'll be right back—after I forge your name."

A few minutes later Nancy was back with a two gift baskets—one with all sorts of fruit and the other with all sorts of bath and body oils, everything one would need to relax.

"Lucky girl. There's a card."

Smiling, Addison said, "I already know who that's from."

"By your smile I'd hazard to guess _not_ Mark Sloan."

"Ugh, let's not talk about him. No, it's from Savvy."

True enough, when Nancy handed her the card she read it and it was from Savvy. "I'm going to call her, okay?"

Sensing that Addison wanted some privacy to talk to her best friend, Nancy decided to make some calls out in the hall.

Before she could make a call to her husband, Nancy's cell rang and it was her brother.

"Hey Nance. How are things going?"

"Derek, they're fine."

Rolling his eyes, Derek said, "I am so sick of the word "fine." Seriously."

"There haven't been any issues with her health, so no worries there."

"Good. And otherwise? Did you get her to open up?"

Nancy hesitated, remembering her promise to Derek and to Addison. "She talked."

"She told you, right? Why she's so upset?"

"I can't get into that with you, Derek. Suffice it to say, you two have a lot to work out."  
Groaning, Derek told her he knew that already.

"I can't break her confidence, Derek."

"I understand," he said frustrated with the situation.

"I will say that hope is not lost."

"What is she up to right now?" he wondered, changing the subject.

"Talking to Savvy. She sent two gift baskets."

"Sounds like Savvy. Okay well I have to talk to Richard about some things. Tell Addison I'll be back in time for dinner. Later, sis."

"Later, little brother."

_Hope is not lost_. Derek truly hoped that his sister was right.


	24. Chapter 24

"Wise Up" 24/

_**"Wise Up" 24/?**_  
**Title: **Wise Up ch. 24  
**Rating: **PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.  
**Summary: **Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to wise up, face their demons and become a stronger couple or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.  
**Disclaimer: **Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own _Grey's Anatomy_.

**Author's Notes:** Look at that, less than two weeks since the last chapter was posted and I've posted three within three weeks (as opposed to three months). Whoo! My birthday was yesterday, so finishing this was a present from me to you all. I hope you enjoy it.

Since I didn't get any response with the last chapter, I'm going to ask again: Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can improve the summary to this story? It's so generic and I really want it to be better. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

_raelenie—yes, it's amazing to see a caring and concerned husband named Derek, lol. Thank you for your comments!_

_singaldiluna78—I'm glad you are so happy that the story is back. It really is nice to have retained some readership, lol. I hope you enjoy(ed) rereading it!_

_crazy-chica6—I thought it would be nice for Nancy to give her brother that idea and it was a reminder to the audience that hope isn't lost for them. Hee, oh that second trimester fun will take place…eventually. Thanks!_

_Richiey—sorry you had to re-read it to get a refresher on what was going on, but I hope it was fun! Derek being thick is an understatement, lol. I'm glad you thought Addison's emotions were realistic. _

"Dr. Shepherd—what are you doing here?" Dr. Alex Karev asked him bluntly. He couldn't believe Shepherd was in the peds area. He never was, unless he had a patient.

"And a good evening to you too, Karev," Derek muttered, annoyed.

Alex stood there, staring as Derek picked up some patients' charts and rifled through them. "Hey, those aren't yours," he told him.

"Your point?"

"Dr. Karev is there a problem here?" his attending, Dr. Chamberlain wondered.

Alex sighed. Chamberlain was OK, but he was no Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd, that was for sure. He wished she were back here, grilling him with questions about procedures or yelling at him to do what she told him. This was not a good thing at all. His rep had taken a hit for all his work on the "gynie squad." His fellow interns teased him mercilessly about it, even the nurses ribbed him. If he wanted to be a plastics surgeon, he needed to be under the tutelage of someone like Dr. Mark Sloan. Now Mark Sloan was the best. He knew it, Alex knew it, and everyone knew it. Alex briefly mused what the She-Shepherd saw in him—besides the obvious of looks and finesse in the OR—but then again, he didn't get women. He didn't get what Meredith and Addison saw in Shepherd. The guy was a jerk. Moreover, Alex, being a jerk himself, could say that. He sort of got what Yang saw in Burke. He definitely did _not_ get Stevens and the transplant patient. It boggled his mind.

"Dr. Karev?" prodded Chamberlain, causing Alex to straighten up and turn off his other thoughts.

"Sorry. No problem sir, none at all."

"Good. Dr. Shepherd. May I help you with something?"

"I just wanted to…my…Addison…"

"Yes? How is Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd? She is certainly missed here."

Derek wasn't surprised at that. His wife was a great doctor and surgeon, skills unparalleled here or at most hospitals.

"She's resting. She wanted me to check in on her patients."

Quirking a brow, Alex laughed to himself. Seemed like Shepherd was as less than thrilled to be here as he was. This was weird, considering his wife was an OBGY/neonatal surgeon and specialist and blah blah blah.

"Of course. That's just like her to be concerned about her patients. Well, Dr. Karev here can fill you in, I have an appointment."

"Thank you," Derek told the doctor and then turned to face Karev.

"So, her patients?"

Alex went through a litany of how each of her patients was doing. The mothers and the babies.

"Good. Thank you. She'll be grateful to know."

"They're in good hands," Alex said, not referring to himself.

Nodding, Derek left and went to the NICU nursery. One of the babies' charts had all these scribbled notes in his wife's writing. She had worked hard on this case; he could tell from the furious look of her handwriting. According to what he read, this baby should not be here. Yet the little boy was here, fighting in the NICU. Addison didn't give up on the baby. It wasn't in her nature. Derek was remembering a similar situation which took place shortly after Addison arrived in Seattle.

_Addison don't do this._

Derek look she's a fighter. Look how far she's come already.

Don't get attached. Don't get involved. Just don't make her life more painful than it already is.

Derek, please. She has nobody. She needs someone to fight for her.

She's too far gone. You have to let her go. Let her go in peace.

Addison wouldn't listen to him. Derek decided to give the charts one more look.

Addison: Look at that, BP is stabilizing.

Derek: She's stronger since this morning there's no reason in the world why she should be stronger since this morning.

Medically, there were no explanations.

She's really beautiful, isn't she? Addison had sighed.

Ignoring his wife's sentiment, Derek focused on the clinical: I'll tell you what. If she makes it through the night, if she has a little bit more strength I'll operate. 

That baby—she made it. She survived the spinal surgery and further surgeries. She was a fighter and she had the best coach in her corner. Derek was the one who didn't have faith, but Addison's was unwavering.

After speaking with one of the nurses who was surprised to see Dr. McDreamy visiting, Derek stepped up to the incubator where the infant was hooked up to all these wires and he watched the baby's stomach rise and fall as he took breaths—with the assistance of a machine. He was so tiny. Yet he showed signs of life. A little color was appearing in his cheeks. His little fist was curled up against his side. Reaching into the incubator, Derek slowly stroked the baby's cheek.

"Hi there, Samuel," spoke Derek quietly.

"You're fighting hard and I'm sure it's tiring, but you keep on doing it. Do it for your parents. And do it for Addison."

He continued to stroke the baby's tiny body and he felt his throat swell.

"I had a little baby once, but the baby wasn't strong and didn't make it. And it hurt me and my wife so much. It changed everything. So please, fight for your parents. And I'll let you in on a little secret: Dr. Addison and I are going to have another baby. That's why she's not here right now, she's home resting. But one day, we will have our own little boy or girl and I pray he or she is as strong as you are."

With one final glance at Samuel, Derek left the room and sought solace in the elevator. His eyes were burning and his throat felt on fire. He fervently hoped that no one else would enter the elevator.

He wasn't so lucky.

The floor dinged and the elevator door opened to Meredith, George, Callie, and Izzie. _You have got to be kidding me_, he said to himself.

George said hello to which he nodded and Callie gave him a once-over with her glance but didn't say anything. She seemed to understand that he was bothered by something. Izzie was glaring at Callie and George and Meredith was just looking at him with her sad eyes, which at the moment he really couldn't stomach. He turned his attention to the panel on the elevator.

"Derek?" Meredith spoke softly.

He shook his head.

"Derek, please talk to me. You have to talk to me sometime."

No, he really did not.

"What happened to Addison was an accident; I didn't mean to hurt her," she mumbled and he gave her a look of incredulity.

She had the nerve to bring up his wife and her accident?

"Mere's right. We didn't—well, it just happened," supplied Izzie, unhelpful.

"It didn't 'just happen,' " he spat. "You two. I can't talk about this with you, not now."

"What's wrong? Derek, I want to help."

"You want to help, Meredith? You really want to help? Don't talk to me about Addison."

Biting her lower lip, Meredith pouted, trying not to cry. Callie and George watched the scene unfold and were appreciative that their relationship was not so dramatic and angst-ridden.

Placing a hand on Meredith's shoulder, Izzie said, "You don't have to talk to her like that."

In an abrupt decision, Derek turned his attention to Callie and said, "Dr. Torres? Thank you for everything you did."

Were her ears deceiving her? Dr. McDreamy was thanking her? Izzie's eyes widened.

"I consider her a friend."

It was obvious to everyone on the elevator who she was referring too.

"She feels the same. She wanted you to know she's okay. Give her a call sometime—you have her number?"

Nodding, Callie said, "Yes. Of course. Tell her we miss her and Bailey and I want to take her out when she's better."

"Thank you."

With that Derek stepped off on the next floor, even though it wasn't his destination. He just couldn't stand to be in there anymore; he was suffocating.

_I feel just like I'm sinking  
and I claw for solid ground_

Running up the staircase, Derek was out of breath by the time he reached his office. He closed his door tightly after telling his secretary to hold all calls and he buckled against the leather couch. Dropping his head into his hands, Derek closed his eyes, trying to shut the world out.

_I'm pulled down by the undertow  
I never thought I could feel so low  
oh darkness I feel like letting go_

"How long are you staying?" Addison queried her sister-in-law as she aimlessly flipped through the TV channels, trying to find something worth watching.

"I'm heading back tomorrow morning."

"So soon?"

"I've been here a few days."

"That's right; you arrived when I was in the hospital. Yeah, you've been here a while. I know you have important things to get back to, like work."

"It's not even that. I miss my husband. And my kids."

Nodding, Addison said she understood. "Give them a hug from their Aunt Addie, okay? I miss them."

"They miss you too. They're so excited about their new cousin."

Addison was surprised that Nancy told her kids about the baby. "I didn't realize you'd told them."

Frowning, Nancy placed a hand on Addison's arm. "I didn't. They overheard me talking to their dad about it. I couldn't lie to my kids, especially because they _are_ going to have a new cousin."

Swallowing, Addison said, "I know. I don't want you lying to your kids for me, Nance. I'm sure it's been hard on you—on all of you—having to explain the situation with me and their Uncle Derek this past year. I just wanted to wait, until…" Her voice trailed off and she squeezed back the tears that had formed.

_if all of the strength and all of the courage  
come and lift me from this place  
I know I could love you much better than this  
full of grace  
full of grace  
my love_

"Addison."

Shaking her head, Addison didn't say anything; she just wrapped her arms protectively around her belly.

"I don't want you to have to explain…if it happens again," she whispered and Nancy's heart broke for the pain she was in.

Derek was not in a good mood upon his arrival to the hotel. He hoped Addison was in a better mood because he just might snap and that would make things even worse.

_so it's better this way, I said  
having seen this place before  
where everything we said and did  
hurts us all the more_

"Addison," attempted Nancy one more time.

Trudging to the room, Derek paused for a moment outside the door and took a deep breath before swiping the key card and entering the room.

"No. I can't. I don't want to talk about it."

Derek caught that line as he walked into the foyer. Addison looked up at him in surprise and he noted her puffy eyes and her red face.

Turning to his sister he accused, "What the hell did you say to her, Nance?"

Exhaling, Nancy turned her attention to her brother who had his hands place strategically on his hips. First Addison, now Derek. They were both so damn stubborn.

"Derek, it's not what you think."

"How do you know what I'm thinking right now? Why is she so upset?"

Addison frowned; she didn't want Nancy to get in trouble with Derek, all because of how sensitive she was being.

"Derek. Don't worry about it," she told him quietly.

"Addison, obviously you've been crying or you're about to. What did my sister say to upset you?"

_it's just that we stayed, too long  
in the same old sickly skin_

Pleading with her eyes, Addison implored Nancy to explain things.

Grabbing her brother by the arm, Nancy took him out into the hall and said, "I didn't mean to upset her, I swear. You know me better than that."

It was true, he did. He knew how much Nancy loved his wife.

"I let it slip that the kids are excited about having a new cousin-to-be."

"Well, that's no surprise that they're excited."

"I didn't tell them on purpose; they heard me talking about it with Eric," she explained, referring to her husband.

"Okay. Why is that bothering Addison though?"

Choosing her words carefully, Nancy said, "Because she said she didn't want it known until…"

"Until what?" Derek was confused.

"She didn't say. But she did say that she didn't want me to have to explain to them 'if it happens again.' Derek, I think she's afraid that she's going to have another miscarriage. I think she meant she wanted to wait until after the first trimester. But she's in her second trimester now. She might not even realize it; what with everything that's gone on recently. The baby is strong and healthy. Addison is strong. They will be okay. You need to reassure her."

"Okay," responded her brother. Nancy looked him over. He looked pretty worn out. And she had a feeling it wasn't just due to work. The stress was getting to him as well. It was an untenable situation and she just wished she could do something to help them—both of them. Since she didn't know what words to offer him, she instead just outstretched her arms and he entered them, hugging her tightly.

"Love you, baby bro," she told him softly.

He nodded his voice too thick with emotion to speak at the moment.

"I'm here for you. _Always_."

Another nod.

"My flight is tomorrow morning. If you two are up for it, we could have breakfast and then I'll call for a cab to get me to the airport?"

"I'll drop you off at the airport, Sis."

Shaking her head, she told him it was unnecessary but he was insistent. She gave him another hug and kissed his cheek and he returned it with a kiss on her forehead before leaving.

"Where's Nancy?" his wife asked when he reentered the room, alone.

"She went back to her room."

"Oh. Is she mad at me?"

"Mad at you? Addison, why do you think she'd be mad at you?"

Shrugging, Addison said she wasn't sure.

Derek took his shoes off and then climbed onto the bed and turned to face his wife.

"My sister is not mad at you. You have to believe that. She feels bad that you were so upset that the kids know."

When she glanced away, Derek gently cupped her chin towards him. "Hey," he said softly. "I know what you're afraid of."

He knew.

_I'm pulled down by the undertow  
I never thought I could feel so low  
oh darkness I feel like letting go_

"What we don't talk about. But it's going to be all right."

"How do you know?"

"Addison—do you realize you're in your second trimester now?"

Knitting her brows together, Addison's mind was trying to calculate what Derek said.

"My second trimester…you're right. It is."

Nodding, he gently traced her face with his thumb. "You know the statistics, Addison. It's okay. It's okay to be happy and excited about this baby. It's okay to share that happiness and excitement with people we love."

Taking a deep breath, Addison slowly exhaled as she focused on her husband's determined face.

"And Addison? It's also okay to be scared and worried. After what happened the first time, anyone would have those fears. But don't let the fear overtake your joy in this pregnancy. Because that would be really sad."

_if all of the strength  
and all of the courage  
come and lift me from this place_

"Our joy."

Her voice was barely audible, so Derek quirked a brow and Addison repeated, "Our joy. This is _our_ baby."

Yeah, it was.

It was Addison's turn to place the palm of her hand on Derek's cheek. "I know that I've been a basket case of emotions lately."

Derek didn't say anything. "You'd think I was bi-polar and not just pregnant. I'll get it together. I promise."

"You don't have to promise me that."

"Maybe I want to. Maybe I want to at least _try_. I can't really promise anything more; it'd take too much energy and right now I'm kinda zapped."

"Okay," he agreed. "Did you have something for dinner?"

Addison told him that she and Nancy already ate and then she asked him if he did and when he said he hadn't been hungry, she clucked her tongue disapprovingly at him.

"I know, I know. I'm just tired," he protested.

"Me too." She licked her lips and then began to unbutton his shirt.

"What are you—" he questioned, surprised at her motions.

"It's hot. Even with the a/c on. You'll be more comfortable with your shirt off."

Chuckling, Derek allowed his wife to take off his shirt. She touched his chest and there was an underlying electrical current there, but nothing happened. He took off his pants and was just in his boxers while Addison took off her clothes and threw on a nightgown.

"Better?" He asked her as she moved around on the bed.

"Better," she told him.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

She sidled up to him and laid her head against his shoulder. "Night."

Tentatively wrapping an arm around her waist, and placing his hand on her stomach, he said the same and then held her until she fell asleep.

_I know I could love you much better than this  
full of grace  
full of grace  
my love_

Song & credit—Sarah McLachlan "Surfacing"

I just thought those lyrics were apropos to the situation and the emotions they were in, in this chapter.


End file.
